POOR TOM! As Thomas was cudgell'd one day by his wife, And saved him at once from the shrew and the rabble. Then ventured to give him some sober adviceBut Tom is a person of honour so nice, Too wise to take counsel, too proud to take warning, That he sent to all three a challenge next morning. Three duels he fought, thrice ventured his life; Went home, and was cudgell'd again by his wife. THE DOUBLE-FACED CREED. I hold for sound faith What England's church allows, WOMAN'S WILL. Men dying make their wills-but wives Why should they make what all their lives The gentle dames have had? POWER OF THE LAW. Saxe. The law can take a purse in open court, SINGLE BLESSEDNESS. Butier. Piqued at being single, though averse to show it, Cries Deborah, "I'm determined ne'er to marry." Now, Deb'rah, you've spoken truth, and well I know it, For while other women live your point you'll carry. MISS-REPRESENTATION. Should women sit in parliament, A thing unprecedented, Would be Miss-Represented. THE BATHOS. 66 'Since mountains sink to vales, and valleys die, And seas and rivers mourn their sources dry; When my old cassock," said a Welsh divine, "Is out at elbows, why should I repine?" HERVEY'S MEDITATIONS. Two Herveys had a mutual wish, Each had his pungent power applied To aid the dead and dying: This relishes a sole when fried, That saves a soul from frying. Porson. Colman. A DIFFICULT QUESTION. Clodpole, as sleeping in his cart he lay, If he, I've lost six geldings, to my smart, A DRY DRAM. It was a frosty morning-Sam Met Tom, and asked him for a dram. "I'll give you one," said Tom; “And first, Drink not but to quench your thirst; Next, in my pocket I've no pelf; So now you've had it, worthy Sam, A CAREFUL COOK. Says my lord to his cook, "How comes it, I say, That I see you thus drunk, Dennis, every day; Physicians, they say, once a month do allow A man, for his health, to get drunk- -as a sow." "That is right," quoth the cook, “but the day they don't say, So for fear I should miss it, I am drunk every day." ON KEATS' DEATH. Who killed Johnny Keats? "I," said the Quarterly, 'Twas one of my feats." Shelley. ADAM'S SLEEP. He laid him down and slept—and from his side A woman in her magic beauty rose, Dazzled and charm'd he called that woman "bride," And his first sleep became his last repose. A BISHOP'S BLESSING. With cover'd head, a country boor Stood, while the Bishop bless'd the poor- His voice "Take of your hat." "Not I. Your blessing's little worth," he said, "If through the hat 't won't reach the head." FANNING A FLIRT. Amelia waved her fan with glee, And being in a playful mood, She gave the airy toy to me, And bade me flirt it, if I could. The pleasing toil I quick began, But with your leave I'll fan a flirt." |