In fine, my dames, your sapient* rules are * E da un matto voler insegnare non havendo impe rato. †This is not to be wondered at, when we consider the contents of the foregoing stanzas of the poet. But in order to make the reader better acquainted with causes. it is necessary to observe, that the more masters the pupil hath, the more money is derived by the preceptors. As to the idea of genius in the scholar, that is never taken into consideration; and I have literally seen school drawings that would have disgraced an Ouran Outang. And to speak truly of the persons employed to teach at seminaries, they are but the fag end, the tag rag and bobtail of proficients in those very arts they pretend to be so well schooled in; and I must confess that they very frequently reminded me of the old woman, who took infinite pains to teach her boy to milk a boar. But to the point it is truly surprising to see how easily a school bill is whipped up, what with entrances of masters, or rather labourers; charges for books which were never had; usage of the globes and piano forte, whose tones might well vie with the clank that resounds from a cracked tin kettle; and the more genteel sum which is tacked to the account, for miss being a parlour boarder, who is honoured with slip slop tea and a bit of the brown off the meat. These are the wheels within wheels that set so many seminaries in motion. Apropos: I had very nearly forgotten to descant on the topic of whipping, which is generally followed up pretty smartly by old maids, who revenge their own disappointments and ill humours on the breeches of their pupils: and although, in this instance, they adhere to the text of Solomon, who saith, He that spareth his rod hateth his son ; but he that loveth him, chasteneth him betimes; and Butler also, who, speaking of flogging, says, Whipping, that's virtue's governess; Tutress of arts and sciences: That mends the gross mistakes of nature, yet I am rather of opinion with Terence, who thus emphatically expresseth himself: Pudore et liberalitate liberos Retinere, satius esse credo, quam metu. And now, by way of leave-taking, let me use the lines of Butler to these heads of schools: Can you, that understand all books, To help your own bad naturals : But still the more you strive t'appear, Are found to be the wretcheder. For fools are known by looking wise, L'ENVOY OF THE POET. Good sense and reason never yet were found, THE POET'S CHORUS TO FOOLS. Come, trim the boat, row on each Rara Avis, Crowds flock to man my Stultifera Navis. SECTION XXII. OF PRODIGAL FOOLS. Zonam perdidit. GOLD, thou says't, is free to spend, And free to fool away*. Thou ne'er heeds't its precious loss; * In all ages hath this propensity been the characteristic of human nature for instance, in Egypt the fascinating Cleopatra swallowed her pearl; at Rome, gold dust served as powder for the heads of the great, and was scattered for sand upon the spacious arena, to be trampled on by gladiators, or prize fighters, and their kindred friends, bulls and wild beasts; and in our own country a courtezan, Kitty Fisher, to display her contempt for money, and turn the fool into ridicule who thought her favours were to be so cheaply purchased, swallowed, between two slices of bread and butter, the donation of a fifty pounds bank bill, which had been so Gold procures rich viands, drink : And learn him all its worth: Wines, and meats, and gay attire; Gold may compass with a youth. Having all their substance spent, presented to her: nay, all ranks have their ideas on this head; and sailors, when returned from a prosperous cruize, having exhausted every natural art that could be pursued to gratify their doxies, have even been known to fry twenty watches in a pan, that they might place an extravagant dish upon the table. But this tallies with the old saying, "Gotten like horses, and spent like asses." |