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EPIGRAM ON A HENPECKED COUNTRY SQUIRE.
O DEATH! hadst thou but spared his life,
Whom we this day lament;

We freely wad exchanged the wife,
And a' been weel content.

E'en as he is, cauld in his graff,1
The swap we yet will do 't;
Tak you the carlin's carcase aff,
Thou 'se get the saul to boot.

ANOTHER.

ONE Queen Artemisia, as old stories tell,
When deprived of her husband she loved so well,
In respect for the love and affection he'd shown her,
She reduced him to dust, and she drank up the powder.
But Queen N*******, of a different complexion,
When call'd on to order the funeral direction,

Would have eat her dead lord on a slender pretence,
Not to show her respect, but-to save the expense.

A TOAST

[At a meeting of the Dumfries-shire Volunteers, held to commemorate the anniversary of Rodney's victory, April 12, 1782, Burns was called upon for a song, instead of which he delivered the following lines extempore.]

INSTEAD of a song, boys, I'll give you a toast—

Here's the memory of those on the twelfth that we lost;
That we lost, did I say? nay, by Heaven, that we found,
For their fame it shall last while the world goes round.
The next in succession, I'll give you the King,
Whoe'er would betray him, on high may he swing;
And here's the grand fabric, our free Constitution,
As built on the base of the great Revolution;
And longer with politics, not to be cramm'd,
Be anarchy cursed, and be tyranny d-d!
And who would to Liberty e'er prove disloyal,
May his son be a hangman, and he his first trial.

1 Grave.-2 Exchange.-3 Stont old woman.

IMPROMPTU

On Mrs. R's birthday, 4th Nov. 1793.

OLD Winter with his frosty beard,
Thus once to Jove his prayer preferr'd:
"What have I done, of all the year,
To bear this hated doom severe ?
My cheerless sons no pleasure know;
Night's horrid car drags dreary, slow:
My dismal months no joys are crowning,
But spleeny English hanging, drowning.
"Now, Jove, for once, be mighty civil,
To counterbalance all this evil;

Give me, and I've no more to say,
Give me Maria's natal day!

That brilliant gift will so enrich me,

Spring, summer, autumn, cannot match me."
"Tis done!" says Jove;-so ends my story,
And Winter once rejoiced in glory.

THE LOYAL NATIVES' VERSES.1

YE sons of sedition, give ear to my song,

Let Syme, Burns, and Maxwell, pervade every throng, With Cracken, the attorney, and Mundell, the quack, Send Willie the monger to hell with a smack.

BURNS-EXTEMPORE.

YE true "Loyal Natives," attend to my song,
In uproar and riot rejoice the night long;
From envy and hatred your corps is exempt;

But where is your shield from the darts of contempt?

1 At this period of our Poet's life, when political animosity was made the ground of private quarrel, the above foolish verses were sent as an attack on Burns and his friends for their political opinions. They were written by some member of a club styling themselves the "Loyal Natives" of Dumfries, or rather by the united genius of that club, which was more distinguished for drunken loyalty, than either for respectability or poetical talent. The verses were handed over the table to Burns at a convivial meeting, and he instantly endorsed the subjoined reply.-Reliques, p. 108.

EXTEMPORANEOUS EFFUSION

On being appointed to the Excise.

SEARCHING auld wives' barrels,
Och, ho! the day!

That clarty barm' should stain my laurels,
But-what'll ye say?

These muvin" things ca'd wives and weans
Wad muve the very hearts o' stanes!

ON SEEING THE BEAUTIFUL SEAT OF LORD G.

WHAT dost thou in that mansion fair?

Flit, G, and find

Some narrow, dirty, dungeon cave,

The picture of thy mind!

ON THE SAME.

No Stewart art thou, G—,
The Stewarts all were brave;
Besides, the Stewarts were but fools-
Not one of them a knave.

ON THE SAME.

BRIGHT ran thy line, O G

Thro' many a far-famed sire!
So ran the far-famed Roman way-
So ended in a mire.

1 Dirty yeast.-2 Moving.

TO THE SAME,

On the Author being threatened with his resentment.

SPARE me thy vengeance, G-
In quiet let me live:

I ask no kindness at thy hand,
For thou hast none to give.

EXTEMPORE IN THE COURT OF SESSION.

TUNE.-Gillicrankie.

LORD A-TE.

He clench'd his pamphlets in his fist,
He quoted and he hinted,
Till in a declamation mist,
His argument he tint' it:

He gap'd for 't, he grap'd for 't,

He fand it was awa, man;

But what his common sense came short,
He eked it out wi' law, man.

MR. ER-NE.

COLLECTED Harry stood awee,
Then open'd out his arm, man;
His lordship sat wi' ruefu' e'e,

And eyed the gathering storm, man:
Like wind-driven hail it did assail,

2

Like torrents owre a linn, man;
The Bench sae wise, lift up their eyes,
Half-wauken'd wi' the din, man.

ON HEARING THAT THERE WAS FALSEHOOD IN THE REV. DR. BVERY LOOKS.

THAT there is falsehood in his looks

I must and will deny:

They say their master is a knave-
And sure they do not lie.

1 Lost.-2 Waterfall.

EXTEMPORE,

On the late Mr. William Smellie, Author of the Philosophy of Natural History, and Member of the Antiquarian and Royal Societies of Edinburgh.

To Crochallan came

The old cock'd hat, the gray surtout, the same;
His bristling beard just rising in its might,
'Twas four long nights and days till shaving night;
His uncomb'd grizzly locks wild staring, thatch'd
A head for thought profound and clear, unmatch'd;
Yet tho' his caustic wit was biting, rude,
His heart was warm, benevolent, and good.

EXTEMPORE, TO MR. SYME,1

On refusing to dine with him, after having been promised the first of company, and the first of cookery; 17th Dec., 1795.

No more of your guests, be they titled or not,
And cookery the first of the nation;
Who is proof to thy personal converse and wit,
Is proof to all other temptation.

TO MR. S** E,

With a present of a dozen of porter.

OH, had the malt thy strength of mind,
Or hops the flavor of thy wit,
'Twere drink for first of human kind,
A gift that e'en for S**e were fit.

JERUSALEM TAVERN, Dumfries.

LINES ADDRESSED TO MR. J. RANKINE,

While he occupied the farm of Adamhill, in Ayrshire.

AE day, as Death, that grusome carl,'
Was driving to the tither warl',3

1 An intimate friend of the Poet's, with whom he made a very pleasant tour over the counties of Kirkcudbright and Galloway, in July and August, 1798. 2 Grim old man.-3 Other world.

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