The COUNTRY PRIEST's CATECHISM.

ARISTUS.

So, my dear Theotimus, you are going to be

a country parson.

THEOTIMUS.

Yes, I have had a small parish conferred on me, and I like it better than a larger; it is more suited both to my parts and my activity; having but one soul myself, the superintendance and direction of seventy thousand would certainly be too much for me; and I have ever wondered at the daringness of those who have taken on them the care of those immense districts.. I cannot, in any tolerable measure, find myself equal to such a charge; a large stock really frightens me, but with a small one I may perhaps do some good. I have a smattering of the law, enough, with my careful endeavours, to prevent my poor parishioners from ruining one another by litiga tions; I am so far a physician as to prescribe to them in common cases; and I have so far looked into our best treatises on agriculture, that my advice may sometimes be of service to them. The lord of the manor and his lady are mighty good sort of people, and no devotees; they will second my endeavours to do good, so that I promise myself a very happy time of it, and that those among whom I am to live will not be the worse

for

my company.

ARIST. But could you not like to have a wife? It would be a great comfort after preach

ing, singing, confessing communicating, baptizing, and burying, to be welcomed at your return home by an affectionate, cleanly, and virtuous wife; she would take care of your linen and person, divert you when in health, tend you in sickness, and make you the father of pretty children, the good education of whom would be of public advantage. I really pity your order, whose whole time is spent in the most valuable service of mankind, yet are debarred of a comfort and solacement so delectable, and withal so necessary.

THEOT. The Greek church makes a point of encouraging marriage in their priests; the church of England and the Protestants universally act with the like wisdom; but the policy of the Latin church is quite opposite, and I must submit to it. Perhaps in the present prevalence of a philosophical spirit, were a council convened, its decrees would be more favourable to human nature than those of the council of Trent; but till that happy time, I must conform to the present laws; I am no stranger to its difficulties, but so many of my betters having taken the yoke on them, it is not for me to murmur.

ARIST. You have a great share of learning, and are likewise master of a nervous eloquence; how do you intend to preach before a congregation of villagers?

THEOT. AS I would before kings. I will insist on morality, and never meddle with controversy. God forbid that I should go about diving into concomitant grace, effectual grace which may be resisted, sufficient grace which does not suffice; or examining whether the angels who came to Lot had a body, or only feigned to

eat.

eat. A thousand things there are, which my congregation would not understand, nor I neither: my endeavour shall be to make them good, and to be so myself; but I shall make no divines, nor be so myself, no more than shall be absolutely necessary.

ARIST. You will make a good priest, indeed! I think I must purchase a country-house in your parish. But be so kind as to tell me how you will manage confession.

THEOT. Confession is highly beneficial, a strong curb to vice, and a very early institution. It was anciently practised at the celebration of all the mysteries of the church; and we have imitated and sanctified so devout an observance: it avails greatly, turning resentment and hatred into forgiveness and friendship; by it the pretty rogues are induced to restore what they had stolen. I own it has also its inconveniences. There are too many indiscreet confessors, chiefly among the monks, who sometimes teach girls more fooleries than they learn among the young men. In confession there should be no particulars; it is no juridical interrogatory, but only a sinner's acknowledgment of his faults to the Supreme Being, before another sinner, who is soon to make the like acknowledgment. This salutary avowal is not made to gratify a frivolous curiosity.

ARIST. And excommunications; will you ever proceed to such extremities?

THEOT. No; some rituals excommunicate grashoppers, sorcerers, and stage-players. Grashoppers I shall never exclude from my church, for they never come there; as little shall I excommunicate sorcerers, seeing there are none;

F 3

and

and stage-players being authorized by the magistrates, and pensioned by his majesty, it would ill become me to brand them with infamy: and, to be ingenuous, I can with pleasure read a play, when kept within the limits of decency; such, for instance, as Athaliah and the Misanthrope, which contain a great deal of moral instruction. The lord of our manor has some such pieces acted at his seat by young people of a theatrical turn; these exhibitions lead to virtue through the attractive of pleasure, form the taste, and greatly contribute to a just elocution. Now, for my part, in all this I see nothing but what is very innocent, and even very useful; so that I intend, purely for my instruction, to be sometimes a spectator, but in a latticed box, to avoid giving offence to the weak.

ARIST. The more you let me into your way of thinking, the more desirous am I of becoming your parishioner; but one point remains, which I think of very great importance. How will you do to hinder the peasants from fuddling on the holidays, which, you know, is their chief way of keeping festivals? Some, overcome. by a liquid poison, are seen with their heads drooping almost to their knees, their hands dangling, their sight and hearing lost, in a condition very much beneath beasts; led home reeling by their lamenting wives, incapable of going to work the next day, often sick, and sometimes irrecoverably besotted. Others, inflamed by wine, raise quarrels, which soon come to furious blows; and these brutal scenes, a disgrace to human nature, have not seldom been known to end in a murder. It is a known truth, that the state loses more subjects by holidays than by wars; now how will

you,

you, if not eradicate this execrable custom out of your parish, at least bring it under some regulation?

THEOT. I have a remedy at hand; I shall not only give them leave, but exhort them to follow their occupations after divine service; and that I will take care to begin very early, for it is their being unemployed on such days which sends them to public-houses; on the working days we hear of no riot or bloodshed. Moderate labour is good both for soul and body: besides, the state wants their labour. Let us suppose, and the supposition is within bounds, five millions of men, one with another, doing ten pennyworth of work, and that these five millions of men are, by such a custom, rendered quite useless no less than thirty days in the year; consequently the state is deprived of work to the value of thirty times five millions of tenpences; now God never enjoined drunkenness, nor such detrimental observance of festivals.

ARIST. This will be reconciling devotion and business, and both are of God's appointment; thus you serve God, and do good to your neighbour. But amidst our ecclesiastical feuds, with which party will you side?

THEOT. With none. Virtue never occasions any disputes, because it comes from God; all these heart-burnings are about opinions, which are the inventions of men.

ARIST. Excellent! I wish all priests were like you.