15, 9. 140 Greater joy in conversion of the great, well-founded. CONF. known to the nations, even they that know them, joy less for B.VIII. them. For when many joy together, each also has more exuberant joy; for that they are kindled and inflamed one by the other. Again, because those known to many, influence the more towards salvation, and lead the way with many to follow. And therefore do they also who preceded them, much rejoice in them, because they rejoice not in them alone. For far be it, that in Thy tabernacle the persons of the rich should be accepted before the poor, or the noble before the ignoble ; 1 Cor. seeing rather Thou hast chosen the weak things of the world, 1,27.28. to confound the strong; and the base things of this world, and the things despised hast Thou chosen, and those things which are not, that Thou mightest bring to nought things that 1 Cor. are. And yet even that least of Thy apostles, by whose tongue Thou soundedst forth these words, when through his warfare, Paulus the Proconsul, his pride conquered, was made to pass under the easy yoke of Thy Christ, and became a provincial of the great King; he also for his former name Saul, was pleased to be called Paul', in testimony of so great a victory. For the enemy is more overcome in one, of whom he hath more hold; by whom he hath hold of more. But the proud he hath more hold of, through their nobility; and by them, of more through their authority. By how much the more welcome then the heart of Victorinus was esteemed, which the devil had held as an impregnable possession, the tongue of Victorinus, with which mighty and keen weapon he had slain many; so much the more abundantly ought Thy Mat. 12, sons to rejoice, for that our King hath bound the strong man, and they saw his vessels taken from him and cleansed, and 22. 24. made meet for Thy honour, and become serviceable for the Lord, unto every good work. 29. Lukell, 2 Tim. 2, 21. [V.] 10. But when that man of Thine, Simplicianus, related to "As Scipio, after the conquest of Apostle had originally two names, (Præf. in Comm. in Ep. ad Rom.) which as a Roman may very well have been, and yet that he made use of his Roman name Paul, first in connection with the conversion of the Proconsul; Chrysostom says that it was doubtless changed at the command of God, which is to be supposed, but still may have been at this time. Evil habits formed by slight acts, but bind as iron. 141 10, 21. me this of Victorinus, I was on fire to imitate him; for for this very end had he related it. But when he had subjoined also, how in the days of the Emperor Julian, a law was made, whereby Christians were forbidden to teach the liberal sciences or oratory; and how he, obeying this law, chose rather to give over the wordy school, than Thy Word, by which Thou makest Wisd. eloquent the tongues of the dumb; he seemed to me not more resolute than blessed, in having thus found opportunity to wait on Thee only. Which thing I was sighing for, bound as I was, not with another's irons, but by my own iron will. My will the enemy held, and thence had made a chain for me, and bound me. For of a froward will, was a lust made; and a lust served, became custom; and custom not resisted, became necessity. By which links, as it were, joined together (whence I called it a chain) a hard bondage held me enthralled. But that new will which had begun to be in me, freely to serve Thee, and to wish to enjoy Thee, O God, the only assured pleasantness, was not yet able to overcome my former wilfulness, strengthened by age. Thus did my two wills, one new, and the other old, one carnal, the other spiritual, struggle within me; and by their discord, undid my soul. 17. 18. 11. Thus I understood, by my own experience, what I had read, how the flesh lusteth against the spirit and the spirit Gal. 5, against the flesh. Myself verily either way'; yet more myself, in that which I approved in myself, than in that which in Rom. 7, myself I disapproved. For in this last, it was now for the more part not myself, because in much I rather endured against my will, than acted willingly. And yet it was through me, that custom had obtained this power of warring against me, because I had come willingly, whither I willed not. And who has any right to speak against it, if just punishment follow the sinner? Nor had I now any longer my former plea, that I therefore as yet hesitated to be above the world and serve Thee, for that the truth was not altogether ascertained to me; for now it too was. But I, still under service to the earth, refused to fight under Thy banner, and feared as much to be k Against the Manichæans, see above, iv. §. 26. v. §. 18. and note A. ii. a. For it is the most just punishment of sin, that each should lose what he would not use well; i. e. that he who knowing what is right doth it not, should 142 Conviction powerless against habit. CONF. freed of all incumbrances, as we should fear to be encumbered B. VIII. with it. Thus with the baggage of this present world was I held down pleasantly, as in sleep: and the thoughts wherein I meditated on Thee, were like the efforts of such as would awake, who yet overcome with a heavy drowsiness, are again drenched therein. And as no one would sleep for ever, and in all men's sober judgment, waking is better, yet a man for the most part, feeling a heavy lethargy in all his limbs, defers to shake off sleep, and, though half displeased, yet, even after it is time to rise, with pleasure yields to it, so was I assured, that much better were it for me to give myself up to thy charity, than to give myself over to mine own cupidity; but though the former course satisfied me and gained the mastery, the latter pleased me and held me mastered. Nor had I Eph. 5, any thing to answer Thee calling to me, Awake, thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light. And when Thou didst on all sides shew me, that what Thou saidst was true, I, convicted by the truth, had nothing at all to answer, but only those dull and drowsy words, "Anon, anon," " presently;" "leave me but a little." But "presently, presently," had no present, and my "little while" went Rom. 7, on for a long while; in vain I delighted in Thy law according to the inner man, when another law in my members, rebelled against the law of my mind, and led me captive under the law of sin which was in my members. For the law of sin is the violence of custom, whereby the mind is drawn and holden, even against its will; but deservedly, for that it Ver. 24, willingly fell into it. Who then should deliver me thus wretched from the body of this death, but Thy grace only, through Jesus Christ our Lord? 14. 22. 25. [VI.] 13. And how Thou didst deliver me out of the bonds of desire, wherewith I was bound most straitly to carnal concupiscence, and out of the drudgery of worldly things, I will now declare, and confess unto Thy name, O Ps. 19, Lord, my helper and my redeemer. Amid increasing anxiety, I was doing my wonted business, and daily sighing unto Thee. I attended Thy Church, whenever free from the business under the burden of which I groaned. Alypius was with me, now after the third sitting released from his law Illud placebat et vincebat, hoc libebat et vinciebat. 14. Pontitianus' relation of S. Antony. 143 business, and awaiting to whom to sell his counsel, as I sold the skill of speaking, if indeed teaching can impart it. Nebridius had now, in consideration of our friendship, consented to teach under Verecundus, a citizen and a grammarian of Milan, and a very intimate friend of us all; who urgently desired, and by the right of friendship challenged from our company, such faithful aid as he greatly needed. Nebridius then was not drawn to this by any desire of advantage, (for he might have made much more of his learning had he so willed,) but as a most kind and gentle friend, he would not be wanting to a good office, and slight our request. But he acted herein very discreetly, shunning to become known to personages great according to this world, avoiding the distraction of mind thence ensuing, and desiring to have it free and at leisure, as many hours as might be, to seek, or read, or hear something concerning wisdom. 14. Upon a day then, Nebridius being absent, (I recollect not why,) lo, there came to see me and Alypius, one Pontitianus, our countryman so far as being an African, in high office in the Emperor's court. What he would with us, I know not, but we sat down to converse, and it happened that upon a table for some game, before us, he observed a book, took, opened it, and contrary to his expectation, found it the Apostle Paul; for he had thought it some of those books, which I was wearing myself in teaching. Whereat smiling, and looking at me, he expressed his joy and wonder, that he had on a sudden found this book, and this only before my eyes. For he was a Christian, and baptized, and often bowed himself before Thee our God in the Church, in frequent and continued prayers. When then I had told him, that I bestowed very great pains upon those Scriptures, a conversation arose (suggested by his account) on Antony" the Egyptian Monk: whose name was in high reputation among Thy servants, though to that hour unknown to us. Which when CONF. he discovered, he dwelt the more upon that subject, informing B. VIII. and wondering at our ignorance of one so eminent. But we stood amazed, hearing Thy wonderful works most fully attested, in times so recent, and almost in our own, wrought in the true Faith and Church Catholic. We all wondered; we, that they were so great, and he, that they had not reached us. 15. Thence his discourse turned to the flocks in the Monasteries, and their holy ways, a sweet smelling savour unto Thee, and the fruitful deserts of the wilderness, whereof we knew nothing. And there was a Monastery at Milan", full of good brethren, without the city walls, under the fostering care of Ambrose, and we knew it not. He went on with his discourse, and we listened in intent silence. He told us then how one afternoon at Triers, when the Emperor was taken up with the Circensian games, he and three others, his companions, went out to walk in gardens near the city walls, and there as they happened to walk in pairs, one went apart with him, and the other two wandered by themselves; and these, in their wanderings, lighted upon a certain Mat. 5, cottage, inhabited by certain of thy servants, poor in spirit, of whom is the kingdom of heaven, and there they found a little book, containing the life of Antony. This one of them began to read, admire, and kindle at it; and as he read, to meditate on taking up such a life, and giving over his secular service to serve Thee. And these two were of those whom they style' agents for the public affairs. Then 3. • See Athanas. Vita S. Anton. . 54, 56 sqq. Tillemont 1. c. art. 7. Brit. Mag. 1. c. p. 77 sqq. "Egypt at that time was flourishing not only in men, learned in Christian philosophy, but in such also, as abiding in the vast wilderness, wrought, through the simplicity of their lives, and the sincerity of their heart, Apostolic signs and prodigies so that the Apostle's saying was truly fulfilled,' where sin abounded, grace did much more abound." Ruffin. H. E. ii. 8. Let them enquire how great a flock He there collecteth, what a numerous body of holy men and women He hath, who wholly despise the world. That flock has so much increased, that it hath banished superstitions even thence." Aug. Serm. 138. §. 10. 9 Aug. (de morib. Eccl. Cath. c. 33.) calls it a diversorium. "I saw a lodging of holy men at Milan, not a few, over whom presided one presbyter, a most learned and excellent man.' Agentes in rebus. There was a society of them still about the court. Their militia or imployments were, to gather in the Emperor's _tributes: to fetch in offenders: to do Palatina obsequia, offices of court, provide corn, &c. ride of errands like messengers of the chamber, lie abroad as spies and intelligencers; they were often preferred to places of magistracy in the province: such were called principes or magistriani: S. Hierome upon Abdias cap. 1. calls them messengers: they succeeded the frumentarii. Between which two, and the curiosi, and the speculatores, there was not much difference. [Old. Ed.] |