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DR. TIMES. "YOU'RE A CLEVER BOY, JOE, AND WE CONGRATULATE YOU; BUT NOW YOU'RE IN A POSITION OF RESPONSIBILITY,-AHEM!-YOU MUST-AHEM!-BEHAVE YOURSELF ACCORDINGLY ! "

ought to have his own motto. Now I was thinking of Cede nullis!

Doctor T. Tut-tut-tut, JOSEPH! Inappropriate,in your present position. You will have to yield to many, -to those in authority over you, in fact. "Leaders (and Monitors) have to subordinate their personal tastes, and even their individual convictions, to an enlarged conception of the general advantage."

Mrs. S. Yes, JOE, don't, whatever you do, compromise your authority by any indiscreet or extravagant insistance

Master Joe (quickly, though with becoming gravity). Quite so, Ma'am! Very true, Sir! My "conceptions, I may say, have "enlarged" considerably of late, since I have found (as Mrs. S. well says) "how much of my antipathy" (to the powers that be) "was sheer prejudice." And, as to "the general advantage," I am sanguine that I shall find it consonant-if not identical -with my own.

Doctor T. (dubiously). Humph! Suppose you say yours with it, JOSEPH?

Master Joe (airily). As you please, Sir. Things which are equal to the same thing are equal to one another, you know.

Mrs. S. (aside). Smart boy, very! I fancy I should have more confidence in him if he were a little less so.

Doctor T. (gravely). You see, JOSEPH, there are some things in your earlier school career which your wellwishers would fain-forget. You were rather what is called, I think, "a young Radical" once, not to say "a bit of a pickle." You seemed not altogether out of sympathy with such revolutionary proceedings as "revolts" and barring-outs," and even talked once, if I remember rightly, of putting the Principals "to ransom "-doctrines better worthy of a Calabrian brigand than of a public school-boy. But let bygones be bygones. Now that you are in a position of responsibility and-respectability, you will, of course, abandon all such revolutionary rubbish, and think not of yourself, but others; consider less the wild wishes of your inferiors than the wise commands of your betters.

Master Joe (solemnly). Oh, of course, Sir! And now, if you, Dr. Poloni-ahem!-Dr. T., and Mrs. Pip-I mean Mrs. S., have quite finished your wig-I should say wise counsellings, I think I'll-go out and play! [Does so.

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WITH a spice of Tristram Shandy, a dash of Ferdinand Count Fathom, and none the worse for the quaint flavouring thus given to the style and manner of the romance, The Blue Pavilions by "Q." is about as good a tale of rapid dramatic and exciting adventure as the Baron remembers to have read, for some time at least. There is in it little enough of love, though that little is well and prettily told, but there is no lack of fighting at long odds and at short intervals, of hairbreadth escapes, and of such chances by land and sea as keep the reader, all agog, hurrying on from point to point, anxious to see what is to happen next, and how the expected is to eventuate unexpectedly. The story is for the most part told in a humorous devil-may-care-believe-it-or-not-as-you-like sort of way which compels attention, occasionally raises a smile, and always excites curiosity. As a one-barrel novel, this ought to score a gold right in the centre.

The writer of a little leader in the Daily News of last Wednesday seems to have been rather hard-up for a subject when he fell foul of the Messrs. MACMILLAN's cheap re-issue of A Jest-Book, compiled many years ago by Mr. Punch's MARK LEMON, "Uncle MARK," who brought the ancient Joe Miller up to that particular date. It was the last of the jest-books, and they are now quite out of fashion. A quarter of a century hence, no doubt, the fortunate possessor of one of these little books will come out with many a new jest, and be esteemed quite an original wit.

It would have been well for the writer of the above-mentioned leaderette had he referred to the ninth of ELIA'S Popular Fallacies, and been thereby reminded how "a pun is a pistol let off at the ear; and not a feather to tickle the intellect." The Baron is prepared to admit that the lesson to be learned from this delightful Essay of CHARLES LAMB's is, that a pun once let off, has fizzled off, and cannot be repeated with its first effect. Now the honest historian of this, or of any pun, must reproduce in his narrative all the circumstances of time, place, and individuality that gave it its point; but

A STARTLING PROPOSITION. Seedy Individual (suddenly and with startling vigour)— "AOH? FLOY WITH ME ERCROSS THER SEA,

ERCROSS THER DORK LERGOON!!"

ER

the effect of the pun, the Baron ventures to think, it is impossible to convey in print to the reader, read he never so wisely, nor however vividly graphic may be the description. Yet if this same reader possesses the art of reading aloud, with some approach to the dramatic Dickensian manner, then, given an appreciative audience, it is probable that the pun itself would not lose much in recital. At best, however, the crispness of the original salt is impaired, though the flavour is not lost by keeping, and the enjoyment of it must depend on the new seasoning provided by the reciter. Of course, its piquancy may have been staled by too frequent use-but "this is another story." After all, is a jest-book meant to be taken seriously? A question which nous donne à penser," quoth THE BARON DE BOOK-WORMS.

66

FOGGED!

BLEST if I know where I am in this murkiness made to benight us,
Surely some WHISTLER renowned in the gibbering realms of Cocytus
Blest if I know what it means, this infernal Impressionist etching;
Drewit-and draws us along through its avenues ghostlily stretching.
Lights flicker out in the gloom, like diminutive goblins that beckon;
Onward we stagger and gasp in the grip of this emanence deadly:"
How I would curse if I could, but not RABELAIS even I reckon
Language could find, or a voice if he wished for the sulphurous medley.
Blest if I know who you are, wicked giant, colossal above me,
Blest if I know if survives in this demon-land anything of me,
Pluto perchance or, that fell spirit-ferryman, Charon uprising!
Blest! It's a lamp-post, by George-a reality somewhat surprising!
London, how long shall thy sons rue this Angel of Death with his
grim bow,
[throttled?

Suffer this nightmare to last by its pestilence mangled and Would magic Science could scare the black vista to luridest Limbo, Would that fresh breezes were tinned and the sunshine of Italy

bottled!!

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THEFT V. THRIFT.

["The Economic Man, whose sole motive was selfishness,

was created by ADAM SMITH."-Daily News.]

A CENTURY's gone, and still wiseacres plan
A future for the Economic Man;

But one fatality strikes us as comical,-
That-up to now-he is not economical!
The soulless thing whose motor sole is Self,
Squanders, as well as snatches, sordid pelf.
Perhaps if he could use as well as steal,

The common wealth might prove the commen weal.

MR. PUNCH'S NEW-YEAR HONOURS, GIFTS, GOOD WISHES, AND GREETINGS.

(Conferred by him, without "Official Notification.") To Her Most Gracious Majesty.-The Queendom of his heart.

To the Duke of Clarence, and the Princess May.A Bridal Quick March.

To Prince George of Wales.-A Clean Bill of Health. To Prince Christian.-" Eyes right!"

To Mr. Gladstone.-Freedom from the City, its fogs, and politics.

To the Duke of Devonshire.-A Peerage, and the right successor in Rossendale.

To Mr. Chamberlain.-His Cartoon for the week.
To Mr. Balfour.-An Irish "Order."

To Lord Randolph Churchill.-"Something new out of Africa."

To the Peerage.-General Sir FREDERICK ROBERTS. (The greatest honour" of the lot, by Jove!")

66

To Henry Irving.-"A Health to the King" (HARRY THE EIGHTH), and any number of Nights' (run).

To Johnny Toole.-Rapid recovery, and "another kind love" from Toole-le-Monde!

To Mr. Punch's Young Men.-Privy Councillorships (to the Public) all round.

To Everybody.-A Happy New Volume!

A QUESTION OF PRECEDENCE, BUT NOT A PRECEDENT.It is a gracious act on the part of a Cabman, when, at a dinner-party, he gives the pas to an Omnibus-driver, at the same time courteously explaining this waiver of rights by saying that "at the present moment he is not standing on his rank."

"THE COMPLEMENTS OF THE SEASON."- Christmas Boxes.

ONLY FANCY!

SUPERIOR EDUCATION.

Page Boy (to Jeames). "WHERE SHALL I PUT THISH 'ER DISH OF AMMONDS?" Jeames (with dignity). "I'M SURPRISED, HARTHUR, THAT AT YOUR HAGE YOU 'AVEN'T LEARNT 'OW TO PERNOUNCE THE R IN HARMONDS!"

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The Morning Papers announce, with tantalising brevity, that "Lord STRATHEDEN AND CAMPBELL has (sic) returned to Bruton Street from Berlin." We are in a position to add that the occasion of the noble Lords' journey to Berlin was of international interest. It is no secret at the Foreign Office that their Lordships have for some time been uneasy at the turn events are taking in the East. They have endeavoured to disguise from each other their perturbed feelings. But STRATHEDEN felt that CAMPBELL's eye was upon him, whilst CAMPBELL at last abandoned the futile effort of dissembling

his uneasiness under the cold steel-grey glance of STRATHEDEN. They finally agreed that the best thing they could do was to set forth for Berlin, making secret détours in order to call at other of the principal capitals, and confer with the Foreign Ministers. The result, we are pleased to learn, has been most beneficial, and has, so to speak, contributed a hodful of mortar to the foundation on which rests the peace of Europe.

Mrs. RAMSBOTHAM is disposed to regard HOMER as over-rated. The only book of his she ever read, she says, is Bombastical Furioso, and certainly that did not assuage her appetite for any more.

Mr. STEAD has been taking into his confidence a universe thrilled with interest, with respect to certain presentiments which from time to time have struck his mind. One he dates in October, 1883, at which time he was sub-editor of an evening journal which Mr. JOHN MORLEY then edited. He had, he records, a presentiment that at an early approaching date, Mr. MORLEY would have quitted the establishreign in Stead. In view of the public interest involved in these conment-dead Mr. STEAD genially anticipated-and that he would fessions, we have interviewed a certain Right Hon. Gentleman as to his susceptibility to presentiments.

"Well," he replied, "they are not usual with me; but I remember that for some time before the date mentioned, I felt that either Mr. STEAD or I must leave the paper."

One of the earliest volumes issued in connection with the newlydevised Automatic Library in use on some lines of Railway, is entitled Beyond Escape. We understand that subsequent volumes will be Dashed to Pieces, The Broken Bridge, The Sprained Axle, The Wheelbox on Fire, The Gorgon Guard, The Cruel Cowcatcher: or, Cut in Twain, The Colour-Blind Signalman, and Shunted and Shattered.

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