MR. GLADSTONE has addressed a letter to the Press :-"SIR,-The requests addressed to me by Liberal friends.... for personal visits, speeches, and letters have at this juncture become so numerous that it is impossible to reply to them, .... or to do more than to assure them that my time and thoughts are incessantly applied to the best mode I can devise to the promotion of our common cause.'

66

may some night do wonderful stroke of business, working every-
thing off."
Prince ARTHUR listens attentively, regarding with questioning look
the Grand Grey Figure on other side of Table. "When I was at
school," he says, we were taught, in a foreign tongue, a maxim
about fearing the Greeks when they brought presents. Not quite
sure the right Hon. Gentleman is
chiefly concerned for interests of
Government and advance of public
business. But I'll consider his
suggestion."

Business advancing by leaps and
bounds: attendance small; Opposi-
tion effaced itself; only CLARK
and ALPHEUS CLEOPHAS take ob-
jection to anything. Being in Com-
mittee of Supply they naturally want
to know about things. The Squire
privily approaches them in turn and
entreats them to desist, which they
regretfully do. Presently trouble
breaks out in fresh quarter.
FERGUSSON takes opportunity on
Post Office Vote to ask Candidates
at forthcoming Election to ignore
appeal made to them by Telegraph
Clerks for pledge to vote for Select
Committee to inquire into working
of Telegraph service. Says Mr. G.
and Squire concur with him in his
protest. This brings up GEORGE
HOWELL, big with indignation at
what he calls "a conspiracy against
the Working Men of the country.'
HARRY LAWSON and STOREY join in.
FERGUSSON Sorry he spoke; didn't
mean anything; Opposition mollified; vote agreed to.
Business done.-Supply closed.

Thursday.-Mr. G. hurried in just now, a little late. Been these two hours at Carlton Gardens wrestling with representatives of the British workman on Eight Hours' Question. A little out of breath with skipping upstairs and running along corridor to be in time. Otherwise, as fresh as if his afternoon had been spent lounging on lawn at Dollis Hill, where the other night the Archbishop of CANTERBURY went to dine with him. Wants to know about the date of Dissolution. It will be convenient, he says, "at least, for those who have youth and vigour sufficient again to submit themselves to the constituencies." Mr. G.'s face wrinkled into smile as he uttered this witticism. House spontaneously burst into cheer as hearty on the Conservative side as with Opposition.

he has to say; jotting down a note; revising it after asking every-
one he meets what he thinks of it. Then you write out your speech;
learn it off; get up to address company; things swim before your
eyes; tongue cleaves to roof of mouth; and you sit down.
Admirable book: useful on all occasions of daily life; invaluable
on eve of General Election. Surprised to find BROOKFIELD looking
miserably dejected. Tell him he ought to be quite otherwise.
Explains that, fact is, means to catch SPEAKER's eye. Parliament
can't last many more days; hasn't made maiden speech yet; must

66

An Apt Pupil.

6

do it now, or never; Rye getting anxious. Could I give him a few hints? With great pleasure; full of the subject. Begin at the beginning. Ideas; memoranda; methods: (a) The arrangement of speech, (b) the management of the voice, (c) attitude or gesture. On this last I am very particular. "Holding up one finger," I say, "is a favourite way of bespeaking special attention to some point' which you are trying to make; and waving the right hand, with outstretched arm, the forefinger leading, is an easy and not ungraceful method of illustrating the narrative portion of your speech. For the more vehement passages, a sudden flourish of the hand upwards, over your head, generally accompanies some aggressive, triumphant assertion, such as, I care not who he may be!" And a similar movement downwards, with both hands, would indicate some indignant complaint, such as, 'And never, from that day to this, have they fulfilled their promise.'

Excellent! cried LEVESONGOWER, who, as I spoke, involuntarily waved the right hand, the forefinger leading.

"very clear, and to the point; but fancy-er-I've heard it before." Yes," said BROOKFIELD, looking a little more uneasy than before Mind you let me know when your speech in the House is coming off. "Of course you have," I said. "It's in your book; see page 123. After reading The Speaker's ABC, I wouldn't miss it for anything." Business done.-Dissolution postponed.

HORACE IN LONDON.

TO A MINERAL WATER. (AD FONTEM BANDUSIUM.)
O WELL of Mal-
vern, imma-
culate foun-
tain;

Rattling on with business. SPEAKER out of breath with putting the question and declaring "the Ayes have it." Irish Education Bill not only passed Committee, but reported and read a Third Time. SEXTON sits content, having done good stroke of work in amending Bill. Managed affair with skill, address and indomitable perse-Worthy to blend verance. Resisted all temptation to make long speeches; pegged away at his Amendments, and carried the most important in teeth of the Ulstermen.

"All very well," said DUNBAR BARTON, "JACKSON giving way to those fellows, and Prince ARTHUR saying, as TOOLE does on the House-boat, 'Oh, it's nothing!' It may be nothing to him, but it's a good deal to us. MACARTNEY and I have done our duty. For myself I shall say no more. I was christened DUNBAR BARTON. Henceforth let me be known as DUM BARTON."

Business done.-More than ever.

The

with the Dew
of the Moun-
tain,
To-morrow, thy
rill, gushing
brightly,
SCHWEPPE
shall aërate
slightly;

SCHWEPPE (pronounced with an accent as
spelt, Sir.)

SCHWEPPE, purveyor of soda and seltzer,
And potass (for gout in one's joint meant.)
Unto the QUEEN, "by appointment."

Thee not the furnace of Sirius raging
Touches; thy natural cool is assuaging,
Unmixed, to the temperate classes,

Friday.-Met BROOKFIELD in corridor just now. Capital fellow BROOKFIELD, though not very well known in House, much less to fame outside. Was in the 13th Hussars; is now promoted to the Lieutenant-Colonelcy of 1st Cinque Ports Rifle Volunteers. Has sat for Rye these seven years, but never yet spoke. This the more remarkable since he is a trained student of art of public speaking; has, indeed, just written profound treatise on the business. FISHER UNWIN sent me copy from Paternoster Square. Sat up all night reading it. The speech of "our worthy Member," proposing Town and Trade of X," is thrilling. Another, put into the mouth of "the youngest bachelor present," responding for "the Ladies," makes your flesh creep. BROOKFIELD's idea novel and ingenious. Sets forth what he calls a conventional speech. This fills Column A. In Column B. he comments on it, rather severely sup sometimes; in Column C. throws out suggestions which, duly followed, make speech perfect. All possible occasions are dealt with, whether_responding for Bishop and Clergy, Army, Navy, Reserve "LIKE NIOBE" (suggested advertisement for the Strand Theatre). Forces, House of Commons, or House of Lords. BROOKFIELD, more- Instead of boards up on which is inscribed, "House Full,' 99 26 No over, goes behind the scenes: shows the wretched man who has to Standing Room," and so forth, why not simply, Niobe-all tiers" make speech preparing it. You see him making up his mind what | (full).

Mixed, for the thirst of wild asses.
Malvern, with me for thy rhapsodist, what 'll
Rival the sparkle of bard and of bottle-
The bottle in cups effervescent,

In couplets the bard, as at present.

66

NOTICE.-Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.

Whereto a Brummagem Bard hath set these Spenserian Stanzas.
Red Crosse Knight-who lived out
Midland way-

66

THROUGH DARKEST LAMBETH."

Treating with the natives

(By a Confused Citizen.) WHAT a state we'll soon be in! Such a clamour, such a din,,

Raised from Kew to Dalston,
Cork to Cromer, Wight to Wick!
Seeking votes through thin and thick,
GLADSBURY and SALSTONE!

Talk and chatter, speech and cry!
Some assert, then some deny

In a near or far shire;
Call each other names and laugh,
Jeer and chuckle, joke and chaff-

DEVONCOURT and HARSHIRE!

Still they come and still they go;
Up and down, and high and low,

Many more than those four.
Speak in Council, speak in House,
Think not yet of golf or grouse,
BALBERY and ROSEFOUR!
Rush and canvass up and down,
Village, hamlet, city, town,

Stately street or poor lane;
Start committees, advertise,
Think of rousing party cries,

CHAMBERLEY and MORLAIN!
Such a fidget, such a fuss!
There is no escape for us;

We shall have it shortly.
How I wish that both would go
Off to Bath or Jericho,

"CAVE KANEM!"-"If," Dr. KANE is reported to have said at the Ulster Appeal Meeting in St. James's Hall last, Wednesday, If they (the Ulster Irishmen) had to choose between arbitrary oppression and an appeal for justice to the God of battles, he (Dr. KANE) had no more doubt than he had about his existence, that that appeal would be made, and that God would defend the right." With the saving clause adroitly funny, especially when disguised as a Chaintroduced into the last sentence, everyone, except an Atheist, will agree; and, rity Girl. On no account miss the Grain of but for this, this speech reads as an 'incen- Chaff's capital French version of CHEVAtive to Civil War, intended to stir up brother LIER's Coster song about "Arry 'Awagainst brother to fight to the death. kins." It's lovely! Excellent entertainSuch sentiments may, in the future, be ment for everybody at St. George's Hall. remembered as marked with "the brand of KANE."

A DIFFICULTY.-Mr. Dick was unable to keep "King Charles the First's head" out of his literary work. So Our OSCAR, it is said, has been unable to keep the head of St. John the Baptist out of his play, Salomé, accepted by SARAH. Hence difficulty with licenser. The real truth, we believe, is

DOCTOR O'LETTERS.-July 6th.- Not
"D.C.L.," but "honorary degree of Doctor
of Letters," is to be conferred by Dublin
University on HENRY IRVING, for masterly
management of vast correspondence. Let
Oxford follow suit with a "Postmaster- zwill beture
ship of Merton"?
Dr O'TOOLE says,
on through
"I'm satisfied with 'L.L.L. Three Stars," darkest Lambeth
and plenty of it."