SAYING NOT MEANING.

WILLIAM BASIL WAKE.

Two gentlemen their appetite had fed,
When opening his toothpick-case, one said,
It was not until lately that I knew

That anchovies on terrâ firmâ grew.'

'Grow!' cried the other, 'yes, they grow, indeed,
Like other fish, but not upon the land;

You might as well say grapes grow on a reed,
Or in the Strand!'

'Why, sir,' returned the irritated other,

'My brother,

When at Calcutta

Beheld them bonâ fide growing;

He wouldn't utter

A lie for love or money, sir; so in

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This matter you are thoroughly mistaken.' 'Nonsense, sir! nonsense! I can give no credit To the assertion--none e'er saw or read it;

Your brother, like his evidence, should be shaken.'

'Be shaken, sir! let me observe, you are

Perverse-in short-'

Sir,' said the other, sucking his cigar,

And then his port―

If you will say impossibles are true,

You may affirm just anything you please— That swans are quadrupeds, and lions blue,

And elephants inhabit Stilton cheese!

Only you must not force me to believe
What's propagated merely to deceive.'

'Then you force me to say, sir, you're a fool,'
Return'd the bragger.

Language like this no man can suffer cool:
It made the listener stagger;

So thunder-stricken, he at once replied,
'The traveller lied

Who had the impudence to tell it you ;' 'Zounds! then d'ye mean to swear before my face That anchovies don't grow like cloves and mace?' 'I do!'

Disputants often after hot debates

Leave the contention as they found it-bone,
And taking to duelling or thumping têtes;
Thinking by strength of artery to atone
For strength of argument; and he who winces
From force of words, with force of arms convinces !

With pistols, powder, bullets, surgeons, lint,

Seconds, and smelling-bottles, and foreboding,
Our friends advanced; and now portentous loading
(Their hearts already loaded) served to show
It might be better they shook hands-but no ;
When each opines himself, though frighten'd, right,
Each is, in courtesy, obliged to fight!

And they did fight : from six full measured paces
The unbeliever pull'd his trigger first;

And fearing, from the braggart's ugly faces.

The whizzing lead had whizz'd its very worst, Ran up, and with a duelistic fear

(His ire evanishing like morning vapours), Found him possess'd of one remaining ear, Who in a manner sudden and uncouth, Had given, not lent, the other ear to truth; For while the surgeon was applying lint, He, wriggling, cried- The deuce is in't'Sir! I meant-CAPERS !'

ST. VALENTINE'S DAY.

LEIGH HUNT.

THE day's at hand, the young, the gay,
The lover's and the postman's day,

The day when, for that only day,

February turns to May,

And pens delight in secret play,
And few may hear what many say.
Be it dull, or be it fine,

Come with those bright eyes of thine;
Come, and make the season shine
For the day, sweet Valentine!

Now are form'd sweet annual fates;
Now the birds elect their mates;
Now from dawn love goeth blind,
Till its own true love it find:
He'll not ope his eyes, nor she,
Till themselves encounter'd be,

Fearing bond compulsory;

Fearing Jones and fearing Jenkins,

And so they go with constant blinkings.

'And how should they their true love know?' Oh, by answers, soft and low ;

Or by some such touch of hand,

As only love can understand ;
Or a kiss (if safe from spies)
Bolder for the blindest eyes.
Gentle love, make bold with mirth,
Is the sweetest thing on earth.
Come, with those kind eyes of thine,
And make it bold, sweet Valentine!

Now, the servant maiden stops,
Doating on the stationers' shops,
Where she sees the hearts and darts,
Bleeding sweet as cherry tarts:
She'll to-day have one herself,
Or close on Dick the pantry shelf.
Come, with those kind eyes of thine
Come, and bring him, Valentine!

Now the postman may not choose
But wear out his winter shoes,
Knocking here, and knocking there,
Till a pulse fills all the air,

And the breathless blushes rise
Under letter-reading eyes.

Anne has one, and Jane another,

Flying from their snatching brother.

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Oh, may loving freedom meet
As much pardon and heart-heat,
As impertinence meets ire,

And a thrust into the fire.

Come, and see that hearts combine

The P's and Q's, O Valentine !

And thou dost come. Lo! I hear
Pinions; and thy birds appear

Two and two. (Some larks from Dunstable
Clear the way, and act as constable.)

Cupids mingle with the birds,

Luring on, with winged words,
Youths and maidens, also pair'd,
Simple cheek'd and gentle hair'd,
But squeezing (simple though they be)
Each other's hands excessively.

You can't conceive how hard they do it,
Though their faces may not show it.

Hymen, then, hung all with rings,
Danceth to their jingellings,

In a robe of saffron hue,

Like the crocus, now that's new.
Golden robes, and rings, and hair—
Angel-like, he burns the air.

And then thou comest, O thou priest,
Whose sweet creed hath never ceased,

Christian truly and benign,

Orthodoxest Valentine!