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no regard to be had to wbat a man says, who at the Old-Devil at Temple-bar, as a place
can fall into so indecent a rage, and such an sacred to mirth tempered with discretion,
abject submission, in the same moment, for where Ben Jonson and bis sons used to make
which I absolutely despise you." Upou which their liberal meetings. Here the chief of the
she rushed out of the room. Sir Harry staid Staffian race appeared ; and as soon as the
some minutes behind, to think and command company were come into that ample room,
bimself ; after which he followed her into her Lepidus Wagstaff began to make me compli-
bed-chamber, where she was prostrate upon ments for choosing that place, and fell into
the bed, tearing her hair, and naming twenty a discourse upon the subject of pleasure and
coxcombs who would have used her otherwise. entertainment, drawn from the rules of Ben's
This provoked bim to so bigb a degree, that club, which are in gold letters over the chim-
he forbore nothing but beating ber; and all ney. Lepidus has a way very uncommon, and
the servants in the family were at their several speaks on subjects on which any man else
stations listening, wbilst the best man and would certainly offend, with great dexterity.
woman, the best master and mistress, defamed He gave us a large account of the public meet-
each other in a way that is not to be repeated | ings of all the well-turned minds who had
even at Billinsgate. You know this ended in passed through this life in ages past, and closed
an immediate separation : she longs to return his pleasing narrative with a discourse on mar.
home, but knows not how to do it: he invites riage, and a repetition of the following verses
her home every day, and lies with every woman out of Milton.t
he can get. Her husband requires no submis. • Hail, wedded love! mysterious law I true source
sion of ber; but she thinks her very return

Of human oftspring, sole propriety will argue she is to blame, which she is resolved

In paraclise', of all things common else.

By thee adulterous lust was driven from men to be for ever, rather than acknowledge it. Among the bestial herds to range ; by thee, Thus, dear Jenny, my great advice to you is,

Founded in reason, loyal, just, and pare,

Relations dear, anıt all the charities he guarded against giving or receiving little

Of father, son, and brother, first were known. provocations. Great matters of offence I have Perpetual fountain of domestic sweets, no reason to fear either from you or your hus

Whose beci is mndefiled and chaste proponnced, band.'

Present or past, as saints or patriarchs usell.

Here Love his golden shafts employs; here lights After this, we turned our discourse into a His constant lamp, and waves his parple wings : more gay style, and parted: but before we did Reigus here, and revels not in the bought smile

Of harles, loveless, joyless, unendeared, so, I made her resign her snuff-box for ever,

Casual fruition ; nor in court amours, and half drown herself with washing away the Mixe i dance, or wanton mask, or midnight ball, stench of the musty.

Or sirenade, which the starved lover sings But the wedding morning arrived, and our

To bis proud fair, best quitted with disain.' family being very numerous, there was In these verses, all the images that can come avoiding the inconvenience of making the ce-into a young woman's head on such an occaremony and festival more public, than the sion are raised ; but that in so chaste and elemodern way of celebrating thein makes me gant a manner, that the bride thanked him for approve of. The bride next morning came out his agreeable talk, ond we sat down to dinner. of her chamber, dressed with all the art and Among the rest of the company, there was care that Mrs. Toilet, the tire-woman, could got in a fellow you call a Wag. This ingenious bestow on her. She was on her wedding day person is the usual life of all feasts and merrithree-and-twenty ; her person is far from what ments, by speaking absurdities, and putting we call a regular beauty ; but a certain sweet- every body of breeding and modesty out of ness in her countenance, an ease in her shape countenance. As soon as we sat down, he and motion, with an unaffected modesty in her drank to the bride's diversion that night; and looks, had attractions beyond what symmetry then made twenty double meanings on the and exactness can inspire, without the addition word thing. We are the best bred family, for of these endowments. When her lover entered one so numerous, in this kingdom ; and inthe room, her features Aushed with shame and deed we should all of us have been as much joy; and the ingenuous manner, so full of

pas- out of countenance as the bride, but that we sion and of awe, with which Tranquillus ap- were relieved by an honest rough relation of proached to salute her, gave me good omens ours at the lower end of the table, who is a of bis future behaviour towards her. 'The lieutenant of marines. The soldier and sailor wedding was wholly under my care. After had good plain sense, and saw what was wrong the ceremony at church, I was resolved to en- as well as another ; he had a way of looking tertain the company with a dinner suitable to at bis plate, and speaking aloud in an inward the occasion, and pitched upon the Apollo, manner; and whenever the Wag mentioned

the word thing or the words, that same, the • A large room at the Devil Tavern still bears this name,

lieutenant in that voice cried,' Knock him and the rules of Ben's club are still in gold letters over the chimney.

+ Paradise Lost, iv. 750.


October 9.

down.' The merry man, wondering, angry, that even these our luculrations, thougla and looking round, was the diversion of the hereafter printed by Aldus, Elzevir, or Stephens, table. When he offered to recover, and say, shall not advance above one sipgle penny.* *To the bride's best thoughts,'' Knock bim down,' says the lieutenant, and so on. This

White's Chocolate house, October 12. silly humour diverted, and saved us from the It will be allowed me, that I have all along fulsome entertainment of an ill-bred coxcomb; showed great respect in matters which concern and the bride drank the lieutenant's health. tbe fair sex; but the inhumanity with which We returned to my lodging, and Tranquillus the author of the following letter has been used led bis wife to her apartment, without the ce- is not to be suffered. remony of throwing the stocking.

· SIR, One in the morning of the 8th of October, 1709. Yesterday, I had the misfortune to drop in I was this night looking on the moon, and at my lady Haughty's upon her visiting-day, find by certain signs in that luminary, that a When I entered the room where she receives certain person under her dominion, who has company, they all stood up indeed; but they been for many years distempered, will, within stood as if they were to stare at, rather than to a few hours, publish a pamphlet, wherein he receive me. After a long pause, a servant will pretend to give my lucubrations to a brought a round stool, on which I sat down wrong person ; and I require all sober disposed at the lower end of the room, in the presence persons to avoid meeting the said lunatic, er of no less than twelve personis, gentlemen and giving him any credence any farther than pity ladies, lolling in elbow-chairs. And, to comdemands; and to lock up the said person plete my disgrace, my mistress was of the suwherever they find him, keeping him from pen, ciety. I tried to compose myself in vain, not ink, and paper. And I hereby probibit any knowing how to dispose of either my legs or person to take upon him my writings, on pain arms, nor how to shape my countenance; the of being sent by me into Lethe with the sail eyes of the whole room being still upon me in lunatic and all his works.

a profound silence. My confusion at last was so great, that, without speaking, or being

spoken to, I fled for it, and left the assembly No. 80.] Thursday October 13, 1709.

to treat me at their discretion. A lecture from

you upon these inhuman distinctious in a free Quicquid agunt hominesnostri est farrago libelli. Juv. Sat. i. 85, 86.

nation, will, I doubt not, prevent the like evils

for the future, and make it, as we say, as cheap Whatever good is done, whatever ill-By bumau kiad, shall this collection fill.

sitting as standing. I am, with the greatest

respect, Sir, your most humble, Grecian Coffee-house, October 12.

and most obedient servant,

.J. R. This learned board bas complained to me of the exorbitant price of late years put upon ‘P. S. I had almost forgot to inform you, books, and consequently on learning, which that a fair young lady sat in an armless ehair bas raised the reward demanded by learned upon my right hand, with manifest discontent men for their advice and labour. In order to in her looks.' regulate and fix a standard in these matters; divines, physicians, and lawyers, have sent in

Soon after the receipt of this epistle, I beard Jarge proposals, which are of great light and a very gentle knock at my door: my maid instruction. From the perusal of these me- went down, and brought up worrl,' that a tall, morials, I am come to this immediate resolu. Tean, black man, well dressed, who said he tion, until I have leisure to treat the matter at had not the honour to be acquainted with me, large, viz. In divinity, fathers shall be valued desired to be admitted.' I bid her show him according to their antiquity; schoolmen by the up, met him at my chamber-door, and then pound weight; and sermons by their goodness. fell back a few paces. He approached me with In my own profession, which is mostly physic, great respect, and told me, with a low voice, authors shall be rated according to their lan- he was the gentleman that had been seated guage. The Greek is so rarely understood, apon the round stool.' I immediately recoland the English so well, I judge tbem of no lected that there was a joint-stool in my cham. value; so that only Latin shall bear a price, ber, which I was afraid he might take for an and that too according to its purity, and as it instrument of distinction, and therefore winked serves best for prescription. In law, the value at my boy to carry it into my closet. I then must be set according to the intricacy and ob- took bim by the band, and led him to the upper seurity of the author, and blackness of the letter; provided always, that the binding be of calfs-skin. This method I shall settle also

• The advance o' one penny on each number of the la

cubrations, which ems to be meant here, just doubled with relation to all other writings; insomuch I the original price of the paper.

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end of my room, where I placed bim in my


October 6. great elbow-chair; at the same time drawing 'I have lately contracted a very honest and another withut arms to it, for myself to sit hyundissembled claudication in my left foot, him. I then asked him, at what time this which will be a double affliction to me, if, acmisfortune befill him?" He answered,' between cording to your Tatler of this day, it must pass alac hours of seven and eight in the evening.' upon the world for a piece of singularity and I further demanded of him, what be had ate affectation. I must, therefore, humbly beg or drunk that day? he replied, ' nothing but leave to limp along the streets after my own a dish of water-gruel with a few plums in it.' way, or I shall be inevitably ruined in coachiIn the next place, I felt his pulse, which was hire. As soon as I am tolerably recovered, I very low and languishing. These circumstances promise to walk as upright as a ghost in a confirmed me in an opinion, wbich I had en-tragedy, being lot of a stature to spare an inch tertained upon the first reading of his letter, of beight that I can any way pretend to. I that the gentleman was far gone in the spleen. honour your lucubrations, and am, with the I therefore advised him to rise the next morn- most profound submission, Honoured Sir, ing, and plunge into the cold-bath, there to

Your most dutiful and remain under water until he was almost

must obedient servant, &c.' drowned. This I ordered him to repeat six days successively; and on the seventh, to re- Not doubting but the case is as the gentleman pair at the wonted hour to my lady Haughty's, represents, I do hereby order Mr. Morphew to and to acquaint me afterwards with what he deliver him out a licence, upon paying his fees, shall meet with there; and particularly to tell which shall empower him to wear a cane until me, whether he shall think they stared upon the thirteenth of March next; five months being him so much as the time before. The gentle. the most I can allow for a sprain, man smiled; and by bis way of talking to me, showed himself a man of excellent sense in all St. James's Coffee-house October 12. particulars, unless when a calle-chair, a round

We received this morning a mail from Holor a joint-stool, were spoken of. He opened land, wbich brings advice that the siege of bis heart to me at the same time concerning Mons is carried on with so great vigour and several other grievances; such as, being over- bravery, that we hope very suddenly to be looked in public assemblies, liaving his bows masters of the place; all things necessary being unanswered, being helped last at table, and prepared for making the assault on the hornplaced at the back part of a coach; with many work and ravelin of the attack of Bertamont, other distresses, which have withered his coun. the charge began with the fire of bombs and tenance, and worn him to a skeleton. Finding grenadoes, which was so hot, that the enemy him a man of reason, I entered into the bottom quitted their post, and we lodged ourselves on of his distemper. “Sir,' said I,' there are more those works without opposition. During this of your constitution in tbis island of Great storm, one of our bombs fell into a magazine Britain than in any other part of the world; of the enemy, and blew it up. There are adand I beg the favour of you to tell me, whether vices, which say the court of France had made you do not observe, that you meet with most

new offers of peace to the confederates; but affronts in rainy days ?' He answered candidly, this intelligence wants confirmation. ' that he had long observed, that people were less saucy in sunshine than in cloudy weather.' Upon which I told him plainly, ' bis distemper No. 81.] Saturday, October 15. 1709. was the spleen; and that though the world was very ill-natured, it was not so bad as he Ilic manus ob patriam pugnando vulnera passi,believed it. I further assured him, that his

Quique pii vates, et Phæbo digna locuti;

Inventas ant qui vitam cxcoluere per artes, use of the cold-bath, with a course to Steel

Quiqne sui memores alios fecere merendo, which I should prescribe bim, would certainly

Virg. Æn. vi. 660. cure most of his acquaintance of their rude

Ilere patriots live, who, for their country's good, ness, ill-behaviour, and impertinence.' My In fighting fields were prodigal of blood; pa: jent smiled, and promised to observe my

Here poets worthy their inspiring god,

And of anblemish'd life, make their aborie: prescriptions, not forgetting to give me an ac

And searching wits, of more mechanic parts, count of their operation. This distemper being Who gracid their age with new-invented anls: pretty epidemical, I shall, for the benefit of Those who to worth their bounty did extenri;

And those who knew that bounty to commend. mankind, give the public an account of the

Dryden. progress I make in the cure of it.

From my own Apartment, October 14. From my own Apartment, October 12. There are two kinds of immortality; that The author of the following letter behaves which the soul really enjoys after this life, and hinself so ingenuously, that I cannot defer that imaginary existence by which men live in answering him any longer.

their fame and reputation. The best and

greatest actions have proceeded from the pros- that he thought might be of assistance to him pect of the one or the other of these ; but my in his march. Several had their swords drawn, design is to treat only of those who have some carried rolls of paper in their hands, some chiefly proposed to themselves the latter, as had compasses, others quadrants, others celethe principal reward of their labours. it was scopes, and others pencils. Some had laurels for this reason that I excluded from my Tables on their heads, and others buskins on their of Fame all the great founders and votaries of legs; in short, there was scarce any instrument religion ; and it is for this reason also, that I of a mechanic art, or liberal science, which am more than ordinary anxious to do justice was not made use of on this occasion. My good to the persons of whom I am now going to dæmon, who stood at my right hand during the speak; for, since fame was the only end of course of this whole vision, observing in me a all their enterprises and studies, a man cannot burning desire to join that glorious company, be too scrupulous in allotting them their due told me, ‘he bighly approved that generous proportion of it. It was this consideration ardour with which I seemed transported; but, which made me call the whole body of the at the same time, advised me to cover my face learned to my assistance; to many of whom with a mask all the while I was to labour on I must own my obligations for the catalogues the ascent.' I took his council, without enof illustrious persons, wbich they have sent me quiring into his reasons. The whole body now in upon this occasion. I yesterday employed broke into different parties, and began to climb the whole afternoon in comparing them with the precipice by ten thousand different paths. each other, which made so strong an impres. Several got into little alleys, which did not sion upon my imagination, that they broke my reach far up the hill, before they ended, and sleep for the first part of the following night, led no farther; and I observed, that most of and at length threw me into a very agreeable the artizans, which considerably diminished our vision, which I shall beg leave to describe in number, fell into these paths. all its particulars.

We left another considerable body of adI dreamed that I was conveyed into a wide venturers behind us, who thought they had and boundless plain, that was covered with pro- discovered by-ways up the hill, wbich proved so digious multitudes of people, wbicb no man very intricate and perplexed, that, after hav. could number. In the midst of it there stood ing advanced in them a little, they were quite a mountain, with its head above the clouds. lost among the several turns and windings; The sides were extremely steep, and of such a and though they were as active as any in their particular structure, that no creature which motions, they made but little progress in the was not made in a human figure could possi- ascent. These, as my guide informed me, were bly ascend it. On a sudden there was heard men of subtle tempers, and puzzled polities,... from the top of it a sound like that of a trum- who would supply the place of real wisdom. pet; but so exceeding sweet and harmonious, with cunning and artifice. Among those uho that it filled the hearts of those who heard it were far advanced in their way, there were with raptures, and gave such bigh and delight. some, that by one false step, fell backward, ful sensations, as seemed to animate and raise and lost more ground in a moment than they human nature above itself. This made me had gained for many bours, or could be ever very much amazed to find so very few in that able to recover. We were now advanced very innumerable multitude, who had ears fine high, and observed that all the different paths enough to bear, or relish this music with plea- which ran about the sides of the mountain sure: but my wonder abated, when, upon look- began to meet in two great roads; which ing round me, I saw most of them attentive insensibly gathered the whole multitude of to three syrens, cloathed like goddesses, and travellers into two great bodies. At a little distinguished by the names of Sloth, Ignorance, distance from the entrance of each road there and Pleasure. They were seated on three stood a hideous phantom that opposed our rocks, amidst a beautiful variety of groves, | further passage. One of these apparitions had meadows, and rivulets, that lay on the borders bis right hand filled with darts, which he of the mountain. While the base and grovelling brandished in the face of all who came up that multitude of different nations, rauks, and ages way. Crowds ran back at the appearance of were listening to these delusive deities, those it, and cried out, Death. The spectre that of a more erect aspect, and exalted spirit, guarded the other road was Envy. She was separated themselves from the rest, and not-armed with weapons of destruction, like marched in great bodies towards the mountain the former; but by dreadful hissings, noises from wbence they heard the sound, which still of reproach, and a horrid distracted laughter, grew sweeter, the more they listened to it. she appeared more frightful than Deatb itself,

On a sudden, methought this select band insomuch, that abundance of our company sprang forward, with a resolution to climb the were discouraged from passing any fari her, ascent, and follow the call of that heavenly and some appeared ashamed of having come music. Every one took something with him so far. As for myself, I must confess, my heart

shrupk withio me at the sight of these ghastly of fame, smiled with an ineffable grace at their
appearances; but, on a sudden, the voice of meeting, and retired.
the trumpet came more full upon us, so that Julius Cæsar was now coming forward; and,
we felt a new resolution reviving in us; and in though most of the historians offered their
proportion as this resolution grew, the terrors service to introduce him, he left them at the
before us seemed to vanish. Most of the com- door, and would bave no conductor but him.
pany, who had swords in their hands, marched self.
on with great spirit, and an air of defiance, up The next who advanced, was a man of a
the road that was commanded by Death ; while homely but cheerful aspect, and attended by
others, who had thought and contemplation in persons of greater figure than any that appeared
their looks, went forward in a more composed on this occasion. Plato was on his right hand,
manner up the road possessed by Envy. The and Xenophon on his left. He bowed to Homer,
way above these apparitions grew smooth and and sat down by him. It was expected that
uniform, and was so delightful, that the tra- Plato would himself have taken a place next
vellers went on with pleasure, and in a little to bis master, Socrates; but on a sudden there
time arrived at the top of the mountain. They was beard a great clamour of disputants at the
here began to breathe a delicious kind of æther, door, who appeared with Aristotle at the head
and saw all the fields about them covered with of them. That philosopher, with some rude-
a kind of purple light, that' made them reflect ness, but great strength of reason, convinced
with satisfaction on their past toils; and diffused the whole table, that a title to the fifth place
a secret joy through the whole assembly, wbich was his due, and took it accordingly.
showed itself in every look and feature. In He had scarce sat down, when the same
the inidst of these bappy fields there stood a beautiful virgin that had introduced Homer,
palace of a very glorious structure. It had brought in another, who bung back at the en-
four great folding-doors, that faced the four travce, and would have excused bimself, had
several quarters of the world. On the top of not his modesty been overcoine by the invita-
it was enthroned the goddess of the mountain, tion of all who sat at the table. His guide
who smiled upon her votaries, and sounded the and behaviour made me easily conclude it was
silver trumpet which had called them up, and Virgil. Cicero next appeared and took his
cheered tbem in their passage to her palace. place. He had enquired at the door for one
They had now formed themselves into several Lucceius to introduce him; but, not finding
divisions; a band of historians taking their him there, he contented bimself with the at.
stations at each door, according to the persons tendance of many other writers, who all, exe
whom they were to introduce.

cept Sallust, appeared highly pleased with the
On a sudden, the trumpet, which had hitherto office.
sounded only a march, or a point of war, now We waited some time in expectation of the
swelled all its notes into triumph and exulta. next worthy, who came in with a great retinue
tion. The whole fabric shook, and the doors of historians whose names I could not learn,
flew open. The first who stepped forward was most of them being natives of Carthage. The
a beautiful and blooming hero, and, as I heard person thus conducted, wbo was Hannibal,
by the inurmurs round me, Alexander the seemed much disturbed, and could not forbear
Great. He was conducted by a crowd of his coinplaining to the board, of the affronts he
torians. The person who immediately walked had met with among the Roman historians,
before him, was remarkable for an embroidered wbo attempted,' says be, ' to carry me into
garment, who, not being well acquainted with the subterraneous apartment; and, perhaps,
the place, was conducting him to an apartment would have done it, had it not been for the
appointed for the reception of fabulous herves. impartiality of this gentleman,' pointing to
The vame of this false guide was Quintus Cur: Polybius, ' who was the only person, except my
tius. But Arrian and Plutarch, who knew own countrymen, that was willing to conduct
better the avenues of this palace, conducted me hither.'
him iuto the great hall, and placed him at the The Carthaginian took his seat, and Pompey
upper end of the first table. My good dæmon, entered with great dignity in his own person,
that I might see the whole ceremony, couveyed and preceded by several historians. Lucan the
me to a corner of this room, where I might poet was at the head of them, who, observing
perceive all that passed, without being seen Homer and Virgil at the table, was going to
myself. The next who entered was a charming sit down bimself, had not the latter whispered
virgin, leading in a venerable old man that was bim, that whatever pretence he might otber-
blind. Under ber left arm she bore a barp, wise have had, he forfeited his claim to it, by
and on her head a garland. Alexander, who coming in as one of the historians. Lucan
was very well acquainted with Homer, stood was so exasperated with the repulse, that he
up at his entrance, and placed him on his right muttered something to himself; and was heard
hand. The virgin, who it seems was one of to say, 'that since he could not bave a seat
the nine sisters that attended on the goddess i among them himself, he would bring in one

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