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this island ; and from the corruptions in the even of their fortunes who enter into them. I
government of that, to deduce the chief evils beg of you therefore to come to town upon the
of life. In the mean time that I am thus receipt of this, where, I promise you, you shall
employed, I have given positive orders to Don have as many lovers as toasters; for there
Saltero of Chelsea, the tooth-drawer, and doctor needed nothing but to make men's interests fall
Thomas Smith, the corn-cutter of King-street, in with their inclinations, to render you the
Westminster, who have the modesty to confine most courted of your sex. As many as love
their pretensions to manual operations, to bring you will now be willing to marry you. Has.
me in, with all convenient speed, complete ten then, and be the bonourable mistress
lists of all who are but of equal learning with of mankind. Cassander, and many others,
themselves, and yet administer physic beyond stand in The gate of good desert to receive
the feet and gums. These advices I shall re- you.
serve for my future leisure; but have now 'I am, Madam,
taken a resolution to dedicate the remaining

'Your most obedient,
part of this instant July to the service of the

most humble servant, fair sex, and have almost finished a scheme

for settling the whole remainder of that sex
who are unmarried, and above the age of

No. 196.] Tuesday, July 11, 1710.
In order to this good and public service, I

Dulcis inexperto cultura potentis amici,
shall consider the passion of Love in its full Expertus metuit.-

Hor. 2 Ep. xviii. 86. extent, as it is attended both with joys and in

Untry'd, how sweet a cont atteurlance! quietudes; and lay down, for the conduct of

When try'd, how dreadful the dependance !

Francis. my lovers, such rules as shall banish the cares, and heighten the pleasures, wbich flow from From my own Apartment, July 10. that amiable spring of life and happiness. The intended course of my studies was altered There is no less than absolute necessity, that this evening by a visit from an old acquaintsome provision be made to take off the dead ance, who complained to me, mentioning one stock of women in city, town, and country. Let upon whom he had long depended, that he there happen but the least disorder in the found his labour and perseverance in his pastreets, and in an instant you see the inequality tron's service and interests wholly ineffectual ; of the numbers of males and females. Besides and he thought now, after his best years were that the feminine crowd on such occasions is spent in a professed adherence to him and his more numerous in the open way, you may fortunes, he should in the end be forced to observe them also to the very garrets buddled break with bim, and give over all further extogether, four at least at a casement. Add to pectations from him. He sighed and ended his this, that by an exact calculation of all that discourse, by saying, “ You, Mr. Censor, some have come to town by stage.coachor waggon for time ago, gave us your thoughts of the heha. this twelvemonth past, three times in four the viour of great men to their creditors. This sort treated persons have been males. This over- of demand upon them, for what they invite stuck of beauty, for which there are so few men to expect, is a debt of honour; which, bidders, calls for an immediate supply of lovers according to custom, they ought to be most and husbands; and I am the studious knight. careful of paying, and would be a worthy suberrant, who have suffered long nocturnal con-ject for a lucubration.' templations to find out methods for the relief Of all men liviny, I think, I am the most of all British females,' who at present seem proper to treat of this matter ; because, in the to be devoted to involuntary virginity. The character and employment of Censor, I have scheme, npon which I design to act, I have had encouragement so infinitely above my decommunicated to none but a beauteous young sert, that wbat I say cannot possibly be supposed lady, who has for some time left the town, in to arise from peevishness, or any disappointthe following letter:

ment in that kind, which I myself have met

with. When we consider Patrons and their To Amanda, in Kent.

Clients, those who receive addresses, and those • MADAM,

who are addressed to, it must not be understood ' I send, with this, my discourse of ways and that the dependents are such as are worthless means for encouraging marriage, and re-peo- in their natures, abandoned to any vice or displing the island. You will soon oberve, that, bonour, or such as without a call thrust themaccording to these rules, the mean consider selves upon men in power; nor when we say ations, which make beauty and merit cease to Patrons, do we mean such as bave it not in be the objects of love and courtship, will be their power, or have no obligation, to assist fully exploded. I have unanswerably proved, their friends; but we speak of such leagues that jointures and settlements are the bane where there are power aud obligation on the of happiness; and not only so, but the ruin one part, and merit and expectation on the

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other. Were we to be very particular on this behave myself to a man, who thinks me his subject, I takcit, that the division of patron and friend at no other time but that. Dick Repclient may include a third part of our nation. tile of our club had this in his head the other The want of merit and real worth will strike out night, when he said, “I am afraid of ill news, about ninety-vine in the hundred of these; and when I am visited by any of my old friends." want of ability in the patron will dispose of as These patrons are a little like some fine genmany of that order. He, who, out of mere tlemen, who spend all their hours of gayety vanity to be applied to, will take up another's with their wenches, but when they fall sick time and fortune in bis service, where he has will let no one come near them but their wives. Jio prospect of returning it, is as much more It seems, truth and honour are companions unjust, as those who took up my friend the too sober for prosperity. It is certainly the upholder's gouds without paying him for them; most black ingratitude, tu accept of a man's I say, he is as much more unjust, as our life best endeavours to be pleasing to you, and reand time is more valuable than our goods and turn it with indifference. moveables. Among many whom you see about I am so much of this mind, that Dick East.

there is a contented well pleased set, court the comedian, for coming one night to wbo seem to like the attendance for its own our club, though he laughed at us all the time sake, and are early at the abodes of the power he was there, shall have our company at his ful, out of mere fashion. This sort of vanity is play on Thursday. A man of talents is to be as well grounded as if a man should lay aside favoured, or never admitted. Let the ordinary his own plain suit, and dress bimself up in a world truck for money and wares; but men gay livery of another.

of spirit and conversation should in every kind There are many of this species who exclude do others as much pleasure as they receive from others of just expectations, and make those them. But men are so taken up with outward proper dependants appear impatient, because forms, that they do not consider their actions ; they are not so cheerful as those who expect else how should it be, that a man should deny nothing. I have made use of the penny-post that to the entreaties, and almost tears of an for the instruction of these voluntary slaves, old friend, which he shall solicit a new one to and informed them, that they will never be accept of? I remember, when I first came out provided for; but they double their diligence of Staffordshire, I had an intimacy with a man upon admonition. Will Afterday has told his of quality, in whose gift there fell a very good friends, that he was to have the next thing, employment. All the town cried, ' There's a these ten years; and Harry Linger has been four-thing for Mr. Bickerstaff!' when, to my great teen, within a month of a considerable office. astonishment, I found my patron had been However, the fantastic complaisance which is forced upon twenty artifices to surprise a man paid to them, may blind the great from seeing with it, who never thought of it: but sure, it themselves in a just light; they must needs, is a degree of murder to amuse men with vain if they in the least reflect, at some times, have bopes. If a man takes away another's life, a sense of the injustice they do in raising in where is the difference, whether he does it by others a false expectation. But this is so com- taking away the minutes of his time, or the mon a practice in all the stages of power, that drops of his blood ? But indeed, such as have there are not more cripples come out of the hearts barren of kindness are served accordwars, than from the attendance of patrons. ingly by those whom they employ; and pass You see in one a settled melancholy, in another their lives away with an empty show of civility a bridled rage ; a third has lost his memory, for love, and an insipid intercourse of a comand a fourth bis whole constitution and hu- merce in which their affections are no way mour. In a word, when you see a particular concerned. But, on the other side, how beaucast of mind or body, wbich looks a little upon tiful is the life of a patron who performs his the distracted, you may be sure the poor gen- duty to his inferiors ? A worthy merchant, who tleman has formerly had great friends. For employs a crowd of artificers ? A great lord, this reason, I have thought it a prudent thing who is generous and merciful to the several to take a nephew of mine out of a lady's ser- necessities of his tenants ? A courtier, who uses vice, where he was a page, and have bound his credit and power for the welfare of his him to a shoemaker.

friends? These have in their several stations But wbat, of all the humours under the sun, a quick relish of the exquisite pleasure of dois the most pleasant to consider, is, that you ing good, In a word, good patrons are like see some men lay, as it were, a set of acquaint- the Guardian Angels of Plato, who are ever ance by them, to converse with when they are busy, though unseen, in the care of their wards; out of employment, who had no effect of their but ill patrons are like the Deities of Epicurus, power when they were in. Here patrons and supine, ipdolent, and unconcerned, though clients both make the most fantastical figure they see mortals in storms and tempests, imaginable. Friendship indeed is most manj. even while tkxy are offering incense to their fested in adversity; but I do not know how to power.



No. 197.] Thursday, July 13, 1710.

any the least propensity to strike into what

has not been observed and said, every day of Semper ego auditor tantum ? Juv. Sat. i. 1. his life, by others; but with that inability of Still shall I only hear?

Dryden. speaking any thing tbat is uncommon, he has

a great readiness at what he can speak of, and Grecian Coffee-house, July 12.

his imagination runs into all the different views WHEN I came hitber this evening, the man of the subject he treats of, in a moment. If of the house delivered me a book, very finely Ralph had learning added to the common chitbound. When I received it, I overheard one chat of the town, he would have been a dispuof the boys whisper another, and say, ' it was tant upon all topics that ever were considered a fine thing to be a great scholar! what a by men of his own genius. As for my part, pretry book that is !' It has indeed a very gay |1 vever am teazed by any empty town-fellow, vutside, and is dedicated to me by a very in- but I bless my stars that he was not bred a genious gentleman, who does not put his name scholar. This addition, we must consider, to it. The title of it, for the work is in Latin, would have made him capable of maintaining is, Epistolarum Obscurorum Virorum, ad his follies. His being in the wrong would have Dm. M. Ortuivum Gratium, Volumina II. &c.' been protected by suitable arguments; and

Epistles of the obscure Writers to Ortuinus, when he was bedged in by logical terms, and &c. The purpose of the work is signified in false appearances, you must have owned yourthe dedication, in very elegant language, and self convinced before you could then have got fine raillery. · It seems, this is a collection of rid of him, and the shame of his triumph had letters which some profound blockheads, who been added to the pain of his impertinence. lived before our times, have written in honour There is a sort of littleness in the minds of of each other, and for their mutual information men of wrong sense, which makes them much in each other's absurdities. They are mostly more insufferable than mere fools, and has the of the German pation, whence, from time to further inconvenience of being attended by an time, inundations of writers have flowed, more endless loquacity. For which reason, it would pernicious to the learned world, than the be a very proper work, if some well-wisher to swarms of Goths and Vandals to the politic. human society would consider the terms upon It is, methinks, wonderful, that fellows could which people meet in public places, in order to be awake, and utter such incoherent concep prevent the unseasonable declamations which tions, and converse with great gravity, like we meet with there. I remember, in my learned men, without the least taste of know- youth, it was a humour at the university, Jedge or good sense. It would have been an when a fellow pretended to be more eloquent endless labuur to have taken any other method than ordinary, and bad formed to himself a of exposing such impertinences, than by an plot to gain all our admiration, or triumph edition of their own works; where you see over us with an argument, to either of which their follies, according to the ambition of such he had no manner of call; I say, in either of virtuosi, in a most correct edition.

these cases, it was the humour to shut one eye. Looking over these accomplished labours, This whimsical way of taking notice to him of I could not but reflect upon the immense load bis absurdity, has prevented many a man from of writings which the communalty of scholars being a coxcomb. Jf amongst us, on such an have pushed into the world, and the absurdity occasion, each man offered a voluntary rbeloof parents, who educate crowds to spend their rician some snuff, it would probably produce time in pursuit of such cold and spiritless en- the same effect. As the matter how stands, deavours to appear in public. It seems there-wbether a man will or no, he is obliged to be fore a fruitless labour, to attempt the correc- informed in wbatever anotber pleases to entertion of the taste of our contemporaries ; except tain bin with; though the preceptor makes it was in our power to burn all the senseless these advances out of vanity, and not to inlabours of our ancestors. There is a secret struct, but insult him. propensity in nature, from generation to gene- There is no man will allow him who wants ration, in the blockheads of one age to admire courage to be called a soldier ; but men, who those of another; and men of the same imper- want good sense, are very frequently not only fections are as great admirers of each other, allowed to be scholars, but esteemed for being as those of the same abilities.

such. At the same time it must be granted, This great mischief of voluminous follies that as courage is the natural parts of a soldier proceeds from a misfortune which happens in so is a good understanding of a scholar. Such all ages, that men of barren geniuses, but fer. little ininds as these, whose productions are tile imaginations, are bred soholars. This may collected in the volume to which I bave the at first appear a paradox; but when we consi- bonour to be patron, are the instrumeuts for der the talking creatures we meet in public artful men to work with; and become popular places, it will no longer be such. Ralph Shal- with the unthinking part of mankind. In low is a young fellow, that has not by nature courts, they make transparent flatterers; in

camps, ostentatious bullies; in colleges, unin- | measure, is the immediate possession of those telligible pedants; and their faculties are used heavenly enjoyments for which they are ad accordingly by those who lead them.

dressed. When a man who wants judgment is ad- As you may trace the usual thoughts of men mitted into the conversation of reasonable in their countenances, there appeared in the men, he shall remember such improper cir- face of Cælia a cheerfulness, the constant cumstances, and draw such groundless conclu- companion of unaffected virtue, and a gladoess, sions from their discourse, and that with such which is as inseparable from true piety. Her colour of sense, as would divide the best set of every look and motion spoke the peaceful, mild, company that can be got together. It is just resiguing, humble inhabitant, that animated thus with a fool who has a familiarity with her beauteous body. Her air discovered her books; he shall quote and recite oue author body a mere machine of her mind, and not against another, in such a manner as shall that her thoughts were employed in studying puzzle the best understanding to refute him; graces and attractions for her person. Such though the most ordinary capacity may observe was Cælia, when she was first seen by Palamede that it is only ignorance that makes the intri. at her usual place of worship. Palamede is a cacy. All the true use of that we call learning young man of two-and-twenty, well fashioned, is to ennoble and improve our natural faculties, learned, genteel, and discreet; the son and and not to disguise our imperfections. It is beir of a gentleman of a very great estate, and therefore in vain for folly to attempt to con

himself possessed of a plentiful one by the gift ceal itself, by the refuge of learned languages. of an uncle. He became enamoured with Literature does but make a map more emi. Cælia, and after having learned ber habitation, nently the thing which nature made him ; and had address enough to communicate bis passion Polyglottes, had be studied less than he bas, and circumstances with such an air of good and writ only in his mother-tongue, bad been sense and integrity, as soon obiained permission known only in Great Britain for a pedant. to visit and profess his inclinations towards her.

Mr. Bickerstaff thanks Dorinda, and will Palamede's present fortune and future expecboth answer her letter, and take her advice.*

tations were no way prejudicial to his addresses ; but after the lovers had passed some time in

the agreeable entertainments of a successful No. 198.] Saturday, July 15, 1710.

courtship, Cælia one day took occasion to in. Quale sit id quod amas celeri circumspice mente

terrupt Palamede, in the midst of a very pleasEt tna læsaro substrabe colla jngo.

ing discourse of the happiness he promised Ovid. Rem. Amor. i. 89. bimself in so accomplished a companion ; and, On your choice deliberate, nor rashly yiekl

assuming a serious air, told him, there was A willing neck to Hymen's galling yokc.

another beart to be won before be gained hers, From my own Apartment, July 14. which was that of his father. Palamede seemed THE HISTORY OF CELIA.

much disturbed at the overture; and lamented It is not necessary to look back into the first

to her, that his father was one of those too years of this young lady, whose story is of con

provident parents, who ovly place their thoughts sequence only as her life has lately met with upon bringing riches into their families by passages very uncommon. She is now in the marriages, and are wholly insensible of all other iwentieth year of her age, and owes a strict, rules of life made her insist upon this demand ;

considerations. But the strictness of Cælia's but cheerful educativn, to the care of an aunt; and the son, at a proper hour, communicated to whom she was recommended by her dying to his father the circumstances of his love, and father, whose decease was bastened by an inconsolable affliction for the loss of her mother.

the merit of the object. The next day the As Cælia is the offspring of the most generous

father made her a visit. The beauty of her passion that has been known in our age, she person, the fame of her virtue, and a certain is adorned with as much beauty and grace as

irresistible charm in her whole behaviour, on the most celebrated of her sex possess; but

so tender and delicate an occasion, wrought so her domestic life, moderate fortune, and reli- much upon him, in spite of all prepossessions, gious education, gave her but little opporturience equal to that of his son. Their nuptials

that he hastened the marriage with an impanity, and less inclination, to be admired in public assemblies. Her abode has been for

were celebrated with a privacy suitable to the some years at a convenient distance from the character and modesty of Cælia ; and from that cathedral of St. Paul's; where her aunt and day, until a fatal one last week, they lived toshe chose to reside for the advantage of that gether with all the joy and happiness which rapturous way of devotion, which gives ecstasy

attend minds entirely united. to the pleasures of innocence, and, in some

It should have been intimated, that Palamede is a student of the Temple, and usually retired

thither early in the morning; Cælia still Tot appear what was the purpose of ber letter or advice. sleeping.

• As no mention is afterwards made of Dorinda, it does

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