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same provocatiou as if she had called him io noise and smoke. The freshness of the dews cuckold. The passionate and familiar terms, that lay upon every thing about me, with the with wbich the same case repeated daily for cool breath of the morning, which inspired the so many thousand years has furnished the pre- birds with so many delightful instincts, created sent generation, were not then in use; but in me the same kind of animal pleasure, and the foundation of debate has ever been the made my beart overflow with such secret emosame, a contention about their merit and wis- tions of joy and satisfaction as are not to be dum. Our general mother was a beauty; and described or accounted for. On this occasion, hearing there was another now in the world, I could not but reflect upon a beautiful simile could not forbear, as Adam teils ber, showing in Milton : herself, though to the devil, by whom the saine As one who long in populous city pert, vanity made her liable to be betrayed.
Where house's thick and sewers annoy the air,
Forth issuing on a summer's morn, to breathe I canuot, with all the help of science and
Among the pleasant villages and farms astrology, find any other remedy for this evil, Adjoin'd, fiom each thing met conceives delight: but what was the medicine in this first quarrel;
ne sinell of grain, or terlded grass, or kine,
Or dairy, carh rural sight, each rural sound. which was, as appears in the next book, that they were convinced of their being both weak,
Those who are conversant in the writings of but the one weaker than the other.
polite authors, receive an additional entertainIf it were possible that the beauteous could ment from the country, as it revives in their but rage a little before a glass, and see their memories those charming descriptions, with pretty countenances grow wild, it is not to be which such authors do frequently abound. doubted but it would have a very good effect:
I was thinking of the foregoing beautiful but that would require temper; fur lady Fire. simile in Milton, and applying it to myself, brand, upon observing her features swell when when I observed to the windward of me a black her maid vexed her the other day, stamped cloud falling to the earth in long trails of rain, her dressing-glass under her feet. In this case, which made me betake myself for shelter to a when one of this temper is moved, she is like house I saw at a little distance from the place a witch in an operation, and makes all things
where was walking. As I sat in the porch, turn round with her. The very fabric is in a
I heard the voices of two or three persons, who vertigo when she begins to charm. In an in- seemed very earnest in discourse. My curiosity stant, whatever was the occasion that moved
was raised when I heard the names of Alexander her blood, she has such intolerable servants, the Great and Artaxerxes; and as their talk Betty is so awkward, Tom cannot carry a mes
seemed to run on ancient heroes, I concluded sage, and her husband has so little respect for there could not be any secret in it; for wbich her, that she, poor wounan, is weary of this life, reason I thought I might very fairly listen to and was born to be unliappy.
what they said.
After several parallels between great men, Desunt multa.
which appeared to me altogether groundless
and chimerical, I was surprised to hear one The season now coming on in which the say, that be valued the Black Prince more lown will begin to fi!l, Mr. Bickerstaff gives than the duke of Vendosme. How the duke Dotice, That from the first of October next he of Vendosine should become a rival of the will be much wittier than he has hitherto been. Black Prince, I could not conceive: and was
more startled when I heard a second affirm
with great vehemence, that if the emperor No. 218.] Thursday, August 31, 1710.
of Germany was not going off, he should Scriptorum chorus oinnis amat nemus, et fugit urbes. like him better than either of them. He
Hor. 2 Ep. ii. 77. added, that though the season was so changeTlie tribe of writers, to a man, admire
able, the duke of Marlborough was in bloomThe peaceful grove, and from the town reure.
ing beauty. I was wondering to myself from From my own Apartment, August 30. whence they had received this odd intelli. I Chanced to rise very early one particular gence; especially when I heard them mention morning this summer, and took a walk into the names of several other great generals, as the country to divert myself among the fields the prince of Hesse, and the king of Sweden, and meadows, while the green was new, and who, they said, were both running away. To the flowers in their bloom. As at this season which they added, what I entirely agreed with of the year every lane is a beautiful walk, and them in, that the crown of France was very every hedge full of nosegays ; I lost myself with weak, but that the marshal Villars still kept a great deal of pleasure among several thickets bis colours. At last one of them told the comand bushes, that were filled with a great variety pany, if they would go along with him, he of birds, and an agreeable confusion of notes, would show them a chimney-sweeper and a which fornied the pleasantest scene in the painted lady in the same bed, which he was Mould to one who had passed a whole winter | sure would very mucb please them. The shower,
which had driven them as well as myself into land in England ;' and added,' that it would the house, was now over; and as they were have been worth twice the money it is, if a passing by me into the garden, I asked them foolish cook-maid of his bad not almost ruined to let me be one of their company.
him the last winter, by mistaking a handful of The gentleman of the house told me, “if tulip-roots for a heap of onions, and by that delighted in flowers, it would be worth my means,' says he, ‘ made me a dish of porridge while ; for that he believed he could show me that cost me above a thousand pounds sterling.' such a blow of tulips, as was not to be matched He then showed me what he thought the finest in the whole country.'
of his tulips, which I found received all their I accepted the offer, and immediately found value from their rarity and oddness, and put that they had been talking in terms of garden- me in mind of your great fortunes, which are ing, and tbat the kings and generals they had not always the greatest beauties, mentioned were only so many tulips, to which I have often looked upon it as a piece of the gardeners, according to their usual custom, bappiness, that I have never fallen into any of had given such high titles and appellations of these fantastical tastes, nor esteemed any thing honour.
the more for its being uncommon and hard to I was very mucb pleased and astonished at be met with. For this reason, I look upon the the glorious show of these gay vegetables, that whole country in spring-time as a spacious arose in great profusion on all the banks about garden, and make as many visits to a spot of us. Sometimes I considered them with the daisies, or a bank of violets, as a florist does eye of an ordinary spectator, as so many beau. tu his borders or parterres. There is not a tiful objects varnished over with a natural gloss, busb in blossom within a mile of me which I and stained with such a variety of colours, as am not acquainted with, nor scarce a daffodil are not to be equalled in any artificial dyes or cowslip tbat witbers away in my neighbouror tinctures. Sometimes I considered every hood without my missing it. I walked home leaf as an elaborate piece of tissue, in which in this temper of mind through several fields
he threads and fibres were woven together and meadows with an unspeakable pleasure, into different configurations, which gave a dif- not without reflecting on the bounty of Provi. ferent colouring to the light as it glauced on Hence, which has made the most pleasing and the several parts of the surface. Sometimes most beautiful objects the most ordinary and I considered the whole bed of tulips, according most common. to the notion of the greatest mathematician and pbilosopher that ever lived, * as a multitude of optic instruments, designed for the separa- No. 219.] Saturday, September 2, 1710 ting light into all those various colours of which it is composed.
Qui captat risus hominum, faunamque dicacis I was awakened out of these my pbilosophical
Affectat, niger est; hunc, tu Romane, caveto.
Hur. 1 Sat. iv. 8 speculations, by observing the company often
Who trivial bursts of laughter strives to raise, seemed to laugh at me. I accidentally praised And courts of prating petulance the praise, a tulip as one of the finest I ever saw; upon This man is vile; here, Roman, fix your mark ; which they told me, it was a common Fool's
His soul is black, as his complexion's dark.
Francis. Coat. Upon that I praised a second, which it seems was but another kind of Fool's Coat. From my own Apartment, September 1. I had the same fate with two or three more; Never were men so perplexed as a select for which reason I desired the owner of the company of us were this evening with a couple garden to let me know which were the finest of professed wits, who, through our ill fortune, of the flowers ; for that I was so unskilful in and their own confidence, bad thought fit to the art, tbat I thought the most beautiful were pin themselves upon a gentleman who bad the most valuable, and that those which had owned to them, that he was going to meet such the gayest colours were the most beautiful. and such persons, and named us one by one. Tbe gentleman smiled at my ignorance. He These pert puppies immediately resolved to seemed a very plain honest man, and a person come with him ; and from the beginning to of good sense, had not his head been touched the end of the night entertained each other with that distemper which Hippocrates calls with impertinences, to which we were perfect the Tudottomaria, Tulippomania ; insemuch strangers. I am come home very much tired ; that he would talk very rationally on any sub- for the affliction was so irksome to me, that it ject in the world but a tulip.
surpasses all other I ever knew, insomuch that He told me, 'that be valued the bed of I cannot reflect upon this sorrow with pleasure, flowers which lay before us, and was not above though it is past. twenty yards in length and two in breadth, An easy manner of conversation is the most more than he would the best hundred acres of desirable quality a man can have ; and for that
reason coxcombs will take upon them to be Sir Isaac Newton.
familiar with people whom they never saw be.
fore. What adds to the vexation of it is, that sprightliness would have a new turu; and that they will act upon the foot of knowing we should expect what he is going to say with you by fame; and rally with you, as they call satisfaction instead of fear. It is no excuse for it, by repeating what your enemies say of you ; being mischievous, that a man is mischievous and court you, as they think, by utiering to without malice; nur will it be thought an your face, at a wrong time, all the kind things atonement, that the ill was done not to injure your friends speak of you in your absence.
erned, but to divert the indifThese people are the more dreadful, theferent. more they have of what is usually called wit : It is, methinks, a very great error, that we for a lively imagination, when it is not governed should not profess honesty in conversation, as by a good understanding, makes such miserable much as in commerce. If we consider, that bavock both in conversation and business, that there is no greater misfortune than to be ill reit lays you defenceless, and fearful to throwceived; where we love the turning a inan to the least word in its way, that may give it new ridicule among his friends, we rob him of matter for its further errors.
greater enjoyments than he could have purTom Mercet has as quick a fancy as any one chased by his wealth; yet he that laughs at living; but there is no reasonable man can him would, perbaps, be the last man who would bear him half an bour. His purpose is to en: burt bim in this case of less consequence. It has tertain, and it is of no consequence to him been said, the history of Don Quixotte utterly what is said, so it be what is called well said; destroyed the spirit of gallantry in the Spanish as if a man must bear a wound with patience, nation; and I believe we may say much more because he that pushed at you came up with a truly, that the humour of ridicule has done as good air and mien. That part of life which much injury to the true relish of company in we spend in company is the most pleasing of all England. our moments; and therefore I think our be- Sueb satisfactions as arise from the secret haviour in it should have its laws, as well as comparison of ourselves to others, with rela. the part of our being which is generally es. tion to their inferior fortunes or merit, are teemed the more important. From hence it mean and unworthy. The true and high state is, that from long experience I have made it a of conversation is, when inen communicate maxim, That bowever we may pretend to take their thoughts to each other upon such subjects, satisfaction in sprightly mirth and high jollity, and in such a mapper, as would be pleasant if there is no great pleasure in any company there were no such thing as folly in the world; where the basis of the society is not mutual for it is but a low condition of wit in one man, good-will. When this is in the room, every which depends upon fully in another. trifling circumstance, the most minute acci- P.S. I was here interrupted by the receipt of dent, the absurdity of a servant, the repetition my letters, among which is one from a lady, of an old story, the look of a man when he is who is not a little offended at my translation telling it, the most indifferent and the most of the discourse between Adam and Eve. She ordinary occurrences, are matters which pro- pretends to tell me my own, as she calls it, duce mirth and good-humour. I went to spend and quotes several passages in my works, which an bour after this manner with some friends, tend to the utter disunion of man and wise. wbo enjoy it in persection whenever they meet, Her epistle will best express ber. I have made when those destroyers above-mentioned came an extract of it, and shall insert the most main upon us. There is not a man among them terial passages. who has any notion of distinction of superiority 'I suppose you know we women are not tou to one another, either in their fortunes or their apt to forgive: for which reason, before you talents, when they are in company. Or if concern yourself any further with our sex, I any reflection to the contrary occurs in their would advise you to answer what is said against thoughts, it only strikes a delight upon their you by those of your own. I juclose to you minds, that so much wisdom and power is business enough, until you are ready for your in possession of one whom they love and promise of being witty. You must not expect
to say wbat you please, without admitting In these my lucubrations, I have frequently others to take the same liberty. Marry come dwelt upon this one topic. The above maxim up! you a Censor ? Pray read over all these would make short work for us reformers ; for pamphlets, and these notes upon your lucu. it is only want of making this a position that brations ; by that time you shall hear further. reniers some characters bad, which would It is, I suppose, from such as you, that people otherwise be good. Tom Mercet means no learn to be censorious, for wbich I and all our man ill, but does ill to every body. His ambi. sex bave an utter aversion ; when once people tion is to be witry; and to carry on that design, come to take the liberty to wound reputahe breaks through all things that other people tions—hold sacred. if he thought that wit was no This is the main body of the letter ; but she way to be used but to the advantage of society, ! bids me turn over, and there I find
or banished, departed this life with the satis'If you will draw Mrs. Cicely Trippet, ac- faction of having never deserted his flock, and cording to the inclosed description, I will for. died vicar of Bray. As this glass was first give you all.'
designed to calculate the different degrees of * To Isaac Bickerstaff, Esquire ;
beat in religion, as it raged in popery, or as • The humble Petition of Joshua Fairlove of
it cooled and grew tenperate in the Refor.
mation ; it was marked at several distances, Stepney :
after the manner our ordinary thermometer is "SHEwerli,
to this day, viz. ' Extreme Sultry Heat, That your petitioner is a general lover, Very Hot, Hot, Warm, Temperate, Cold, Just who for some months last past has made it bis freezing, Frost, Hard Frost, Great Frost, whole business to frequent the by-paths and Extreme Cold.' roads near his dwelling, for no other purpose
It is well known, that Toricellius, the in. but to hand such of the fair sex as are obliged ventor of the common weather-glass, made the to pass through them.
experiment in a long tube, wbich held thirtyThat he has been at great expense for two feet of water; and that a more modern clean gloves to offer his band with.
virtuoso, finding such a machine altogether . That towards the evening he approaches unwieldy and useless, and considering that near London, and employs bi.nself as a convoy thirty-two inches of quicksilver weighed as towards bome.
much as so many feet of water in a tube of the Your petitioner therefore most humbly same circumference, invented that sizeable inprays, that for such bis humble ser
strument which is now in use. After this vices he may be allowed the title of an
manner, that I might adapt the thermometer Esquire.'
I am now speaking of to the present constiMr. Morphew has orders to carry the proper tution of our Church, as divided into High and jostruments; and the petitioner is hereafter Low, I have made some necessary variations to be writ to upon gile paper, by the title of both in the tube and the Auid it contains. In Joshua Fairlove, Esquire.
the first place, I ordered a tube to be cast in a planetary bour, and took care to seal it her
metically, when the sun was in conjuction with No. 220.] Tuesday, September 5, 1710, Saturn. I then took the proper precautions Insani sapiens noinen serat, æquus iniqui,
about the fluid, wbich is a compound of two Ultra quam satis est, virtutem si petat ipaala.
very different liquors; one of them a spirit Dor. Ep. vi. 15.
drawn out of a strong heady wine ; the other Even virtne, when pursu'd with warmth extreme,
a particular sort of rock-water, colder than ice, Turns into vice, and fools the sage's famc.
and clearer than crystal. The spirit is of a red
fiery colour, and so very apt to ferment, that From my own Apartment, September 4.
unless it be mingled with a proportion of the Having received many letters filled with water, or pent up very close, it will burst the compliments and acknowledgınents for my vessel that holds it, and fly up in fume and late useful discovery of the political barome-smoke. The water, on the contrary, is of ter, I shall bere communicate to the public an such a subtle piercing cold, that, unless it be account of my ecclesiastical thermometer, the mingled with a proportion of the spirits, it will latter giving as manifest prognostications of sink almost through every thing that it is put the changes and revolutions in Church, as the into; and seems to be of the same nature as former docs of those in State ; and both of the water mentioned hy Quintus Curtius, them being absolutely necessary for every pru- which, says the historian, could be contained Jent subject who is resolved to keep what he io nothing but in the hoof, or, as the Oxford has, and get what he can.
manuscript bas it, in the skull of an ass. Tbe The church-thermometer, which I am now thermometer is marked according to the fulto treat of, is supposed to have been invented lowing figure ; which I set down at length, not in tbe reign of Henry the Eighth, about the only to give my reader a clear idea of it, but time when that religious prince put some to also to fill up my paper : death for owning the pope's supremacy, and others for denying transubstantiation. I do
Ignorance. not find, however, any great use made of this
Persecution. instrument, until it fell into the hands of a
Wrath. learned and vigilant priest or minister, for be
Zeal. frequently wrote himself both one and the
Infidelity. sions of his neighbouring clergy either burned
The reader will observe, that the church is glass is true to this day as to the latter part of placed in the middle point of the glass, between this description; though I must confess, it is Zeal and Moderation ; the situation in which not in the same reputation for cakes that it was she always flourishes, and in which every good in the time of that learned author; and thus Englishman wishes her, who is a friend to the of other places. In short, I have now by me, constitution of his country. However, when digested in an alphabetical order, all the it mounts to Zeal, it is not amiss; and when counties, corporations, and horoughs in Great it sinks to Moderation, is still in a most admi. Britain, with their respective tempers, as they rable temper. The worst of it is, that when stand related to my thermometer. But ibis I once it begins to rise, it has still an inclination shall keep to myself, because I would hy no to ascend; insomuch that it is apt to climb up means do any thing that may seem to influence from Zeal to Wrath, and from Wrath to Per- any ensuing elections. secution, which always ends in Ignorance, and The point of doctrine which I would propavery often proceeds from it. In the same gate by this my invention, is the same which manner it frequently takes its progress through was long ago advanced by that able teacher the lower half of the glass ; and when it has Horace, out of whom I have taken my text for a tendency to fall, will gradually descend from this discourse. We should be careful not to Moderation to Lukewarmness, and from Luke-overshoot ourselves in the pursuits even of warmness to Infidelity, which very often ter virtue. Whether Zeal or Moderation be the minates in Ignorance, and always proceeds point we aim at, let us keep fire out of the from it.
one, and frost out of the other. But, alas ! It is a common observation, that the ordinary the world is too wise to want such a precauthermometer will be affected by the breathing tion. The terms High church and Low church, of people who are in the room where it stands; as commonly used, do not so much denote a and indeed it is almost incredible to conceive, principle, as they distinguish a party. They how the glass I am now describing will fall by are like words of battle, they have nothing to the breath of a multitude crying ' Popery ;'or, do with their original signification; but are un the contrary, bow it will rise when the same only given out to keep a body of men together, multitude, as it sometimes happens, cry out in and to let them know friends from enemies. .he same breath, 'The church is in danger.' I must confess I have considered, with some
As soon as I had finished this my glass, and little attention, the influence which the adjusted it to the above-mentioned scale of opinions of these great national sects have religion ; that I might make proper experi- upon their practice ; and do look upon it as ments with it, I.carried it under my cloak to one of the unaccountable things of our times, several coffee-houses, and other places of resort that multitudes of honest gentlemen, who enabout this great city. At Saint James's coffee tirely agree in their lives, should take it in house the liquor stood at Moderation; but at their heads to differ in their religion. Will's, to my great surprise, it subsided to the very lowest mark on the glass. At the Grecian it mounted but just one point higher; at the Rainbow it still ascended two degrees ; Child's No. 221.] Thursday, September 7, 1710. fetched it up to Zeal ; and other adjacent coffee-houses, to Wrath. It fell in the lower half of the glass as I went
Nescio quid meditans nugarum, et totus in illis.
Hor. 1 Sat. ix. 1. further into the city, until at length it settled at Moderation, where it continued all the time Musing, as wont, on this and that,
Such trifles, as I know not what. Francis. I staid about the Exchange, as also while I passed by the Bank. And here I cannot but
From my own Apartment, September 6. take notice that, through the whole course of my remarks, I never observed my glass to rise As I was this morning going out of my at the same time the stocks did.
house, a little boy in a black coat delivered To complete the experiment, 1 prevailed upon me the following letter. Upon asking who a friend of mine, who works under me in the he was, he told me, tbat he belonged to my Occult Sciences, to make a progress with my lady Gimcrack. I did not at first recollect glass through the whole island of Great Britain; the name; but, upon enquiry, I found it to be and after his return, to present me with a
the widow of Sir Nicholas, whose legacy I register of his observations. I guessed before lately gave some account of to the world. ibe hand at the temper of several places be passed letter ran thus : through, by the characters they have had time out of mind. Thus that facetious divine Dr.
MR. BICKERSTAFF, Fuller, speaking of the town of Banbury, near ' I hope you will not be surprised to receive a hundred years ago, te!ls us, it was a place a letter from the widow Grimcrack. You famous for cakes and zeal, which I find by my know, sir, that I have lately lost a very wbim
Sicut meus est mos,