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sical husband, who, I find, by one of your last his death-bed. I could not imagine what this
week's papers, was not altogether a stranger meant, until, after having a little composed
to you. When I married this gentleman, he himself, he ordered me to bring him a flea
had a very handsome estate ; but upon buying which he had kept for several months in a
a set of microscopes, he was chosen a Fellow chain, with a design, as he said, to give it its
of the Royal Society : from which time I do manumission. This was done accordingly. He
not remember ever to have heard him speak as then made the will, which I have since seen
other people did, or talk in a manner that any printed in your works word for word. Only I
of his family could understand him. He used, must take notice, that you have omitted the
bowever, to pass away bis time very innocently codicil, in which he left a large Concha Vene-
in conversation with several members of that ris, as it is there called, to a Member of the
learned body: for which reason, I never advised Royal Society, who was often with him in his
him against their company for several years, sickness, and assisted him in his will. And now,
until at last I found his brain quite turned with sir, I come to the chief business of my letter,
their discourses. The first symptom whicb which is to desire your friendship and assistance
he discovered of his being a virtuoso, as you in the disposal of those many rarities and curio-
call him, pour man! was about fifteen years sities which lie upon my hands. If you know
ago; when he gave me positive orders to turn any one that has an occasion for a parcel of
off an old weeding woman, that had been em- dried spiders, I will sell them a pennyworth. I
ployed in the family for some years. He told could likewise let any one bave a bargain of
me, at the same time, that there was no such cockle shells. I would also desire your advice,
thing in nature as a weed, and that it was his whether I had best sell my beetles in a lump,
design to let his garden produce what it pleased; or by retail. Thegentleman above-mentioned,
so that, you may be sure, it makes a very plea- who was my husband's friend, would have me
sant show as it now lies. About the same time make an auction of all his goods, and is now
he took a bumour to ramble up and down the drawing up a catalogue of every particular for
country, and would often bring home with him that purpose, with the two following words in
his pockets full of moss and pebbles. This, great letters over the head of them, Auctio
you may be sure, gave me a beavy heart; Gimcrackiana. But, upon talking with him.
though at the same time I must needs say, he I begin to suspect he is as mad as pour sir
had the character of a very honest man, not- Nicholas was. Your advice in all these parti.
withstanding he was reckoned a little weak, | culars will be a great piece of charity to,
until he began to sell his estate, and buy those

Sir,
strange baubles that you have taken notice of.

* Your most humble servant, Upon midsummer-day last, as he was walking

• ELIZABETH GIXCRACK.' with me in the fields, he saw a very udd. coloured butterfly just before us. I observed I sball answer the foregoing letter, and give that he immediately changed colour, like a the widow my best advice, as soon as I can find man that is surprised with a piece of good out chapmen for the wares which she has to luck ; and telling me, that it was what he had put off. In the mean time, I shall give my looked for above these twelve years, be threw reader the sight of a letter, wbich I have reoff his coat, and followed it. I lost sight of ceived from another female correspondent by them both in less than a quarter of an bour; the same post. but my husband continued the chace over hedge and ditch until about sunset ; at which time, as I was afterwards told, he caught the • I am convinced by a late paper of yours, butterfly as she rested herself upon a cabbage, that a passionate woman, who among the comDear five miles from the place where be first mon people goes under the name of a scold, is put her up. He was here lifted from the one of the most insupportable creatures in the ground by some passengers in a very fainting world. But, alas! sir, what can we do? I have condition, and brought home to me about mid-made a thousand vows and resolutions every night. His violent exercise threw him into a morning, to guard myself against this frailty ; fever, which grew upon him by degrees, and but have generally broken them before dinner, at last carried him off. In one of the intervals and could never in my life hold out until the of bis distemper be called to me, and, after second course was set upon the table. What having excused himself for running out bis most troubles me is, that my husband is as estate, he told me, that he had always been patient and good-natured as your own worship, more industrious to improve his mind than bis or any man living, can be. Pray give me some fortune, and that his family must rather value directions, for I would observe the strictest and themselves upon his memory as he was a wise severest rules you can think of to cure myself man, than a rich one. He then told me, that it of this distemper, which is apt to fall into my was a custom among the Romans for a man to tongue every moment. I am, Sir, give his slaves their liberty when he lay upon

Your most humble servant, &c.'

6

GOOD MR. BICKERSTAFF

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In answer to this most unfortunate lady, I pensity to languish under them, especially if must acquaint ber, that there is now in town they have a fiddler behind them to utter their an ingenious physician of my acquaintance, who complaints; for, as the custom prevails at preundertakes to cure all the vices and defects sent, there is scarce a young man of any fashion of the mind by inward medicines or outward in a corporation, who does not make love with applications. I shall give the world an account the town-music. The waits often help him of his patients and his cures in other papers, through his courtship; and my friend Baniswhen I shall be more at leisure to treat upon ter* has told me, he was proffered five bundred this subject. I shall only bere inform my cor- pounds by a young fellow, to play but one respondent, that, for the benefit of such ladies winter under the window of a lady that was a as are troubled with virulent tongues, he has great fortune, but more cruel than ordinary, prepared a cold bath, over which there is fas-One would think they boped to conquer their tened, at the end of a long pole, a very con- mistresses hearts as people tame hawks and venient chair, curiously gilt and carved. When eagles, by keeping them awake, or breaking the patient is seated in this chair, the doctor their sleep when they are fallen into it. lifts up the pole, and gives her two or three I have endeavoured to search into the oritotal immersions in the cold-bath, until such ginal of this inpertinent way of making love, time as she has quite lost the use of speech. which, according to some authors, is of great This operation so effectually chills the tongue, antiquity. If we may believe monsieur Dacier and refrigerates the blood, that a woman, who and other critics, Horace's tenth Ode of the at her entrance into the chair is extremely pas- third book was originally a serenade. And if sionate and sonorous, will come out as silent I was disposed to show my learning, I could and gentle as a lamb. The doctor told me, produce a line of him in another place, which he would not practise this experiment upon seems to bave been the burden of an old heawomen of fashion, bad not he seen it made then serenade. upon those of meaner condition with very good

-Audis minùs, et minus jam, effect.

. Me 1110 longas pereunte noctes,
Lydia, dormis ?

Hor. 1 Od. xxv. 8.

Now less and less assail thine ear No. 222.] Salurday, September 9, 1710.

These plaints,' Ah! sleepest thon, my dear,

While I whole nights, thy trne love here
Chrysidis udas

* Am dying ?
Ebrius ante sores extinctâ cun face cantat.

Francis.
Persius, Sal. v. 165.
Shall I, at Chrysis' door, the night prolong

But notwithstanding the opinions of many
With midnight serenade, or drnukeo song? learned men upon this subject, I rather agree

4. Il'ynne. with them who look upon this custom, as now From my own Apurtment, September 8.

practised, to bave been introduced by castrated WHEREAS, by letters from Nottingham, we

musicians; who found out this method of aphave advice, that the young ladies of that place hours, when men of hoarser voices express

plying themselves to their mistresses at these compiain for want of sleep, by reason of cer

their passions in a more vulgar method. It tain riotous lovers, who for this last summer have very much infested the streets of that

must be confessed, that your Italians eunuchs

do practise this manner of courtship to this day. eminent city, with violins and bass-viols, becween the bours of twelve and four in the thought of the serenade, the authors of all

But whoever were the persons that first morning, to the great disturbance of many of

countries are unanimous in ascribing the inher majesty's peaceable subjects: Aod whereas

vention to Italy. I have been importuned to publish some edict

There are two circumstances, which qualiagainst those midnight alarms, which, under fied that country above all others for this midthe name of serenades, do greatly annoy many

night music. well-disposed persons, not only in the place

The first I shall mention was the softness of above-mentioned, but also in most of the polite

their climate. towns of this island ; I have taken that matter

This gave the lover opportunities of being into my serious consideration, and do find that this custom is by no means to be indulged in abroad in the air, or of lying upon the earth

whole hours together, without fear of damps This country and climate,

or dews; but as for our tramontane lovers, It is indeed very unaccountable, that most of our British youth should take such great vlelight in these nocturnal expeditions. Your

• Mr. Jolin Banister was educated (vider his father, a robust true-born Briton, that has not yet felt into France for his improvement on the violin. The father

1

musician, of both the same names, whom Charles II. sent the force of flames and darts, has a natural in.

died in 1679. His son, probably the gentleman here men. clination to break windows; while those, whose tioned, was likewise a composer, and al the head of the

band in Drury-lane, where he continued to play the first natural ruggedness has been soothed and sof

violin till abont 1720, when he was succeeded by Carbon tened by gentle passions, have as strong a pro

nelli.

when they begin their midnight complaint ably the unmarried part of the world, and with,

taking off those bars to it, jointures and setMy lodging upon the cold ground is,

tlements; which are not only the greatest in

pediments towards entering into that state, we are not to understand them in the rigour but also the frequent causes of distrust and of the letter ; since it would be impossible for animosity in it after it is consummated. ! a British swain to condole himself long in that bave with very much attention considered this situation, without really dying for bis mistress. A man might as well serenade in Greenland have made through a long course of years, !

case; and, among all the observations that I as in our region. Milton seems to have had bave thought the coldness of wives to their in bis thoughts the absurdity of these northern husbands, as well as disrespect from children serenades, in the censure which be passes upon to parents, to arise from this one source. This them :

trade for minds and bodies in the lump, with-Or midnight ball,

out regard to either, but as tbey are accomOr serenade, which the starv'd lover sings To his proud fair, best quitted with disdain, panied with such sums of money, and such

parcels of land, cannot but produce a commerce The truth of it is, I have often pitied, in a between the parties concerned, suitable to the winter night, a vocal musician, and have at

mean motives upon which they at first came tributed many of his trills and quavers to the together. I have heretofore given an account, coldness of the weather.

that this method of making settlements was The second circumstance, which inclined first invented by a griping lawyer, who made the Italians to this custom, was that musical use of the covetous tempers of the parents of genius which is so universal among them. No- each side, to force two young people into these tbiog is more frequent in that country, than vile measures of diffideuce, for no other end to hear a cobbler working to an opera-tune. but to increase the skins of parchment, by You can scarce see a porter that has not one which they were put into each other's posses. nail much longer than the rest, which you will sion out of each other's power. The law of find, upon enquiry, is cherished for some in our country has given an ample and generous strument. In short, there is not a labourer, provision for the wife, even the third of her or bandicraftman, that, in the cool of the husband's estate, and left to her good-humour evening, does not relieve himself with solos and and his gratitude the expectation of further sonatas.

provision ; but the fantastical method of going The Italian soothes bis mistress with a plain- further, with relation to their heirs, has a tive voice ; and bewails himself in such melting foundation in nothing but pride and folly : for music, that the whole neighbourhood sympa- as all men wish their children as like them. thizes with him in his sorrow.

selves, and as much better as they can possibly, Qualis popaleâ merens Philomela sub umbra — it seems monstrous that we should give out Flel noctem, ramoque sedens, iniserabile carmen

of ourselves the opportunities of rewarding and Integrat, et mæstis latè loca qnestibus implet.

Virg. Geor. iv. 511.

discouraging them according to their deserts.

This wise institution has no more sense in it, Thus Philomel beneath the puplar shade With plaintive marmurs warbles thro' the glade- than if a man sbould begin a deed with, Her notes harmonious tedious nights prolong,

Whereas no man living knows how long he And echo multiplies the mournful song. R. Wynne.

shall continue to be a reasonable creature, or On the contrary, our honest countrymen an honest man. And whereas I B. am going bave su little an inclination to music, that they to enter into the state of matrimony with seldom begin to sing until they are drunk; Mrs. D. therefore I shall from henceforth make which also is usually the time when they are it indifferent to me whether from this time most disposed to serenade.

forward I shall be a fool or a knave. And, therefore, in full and perfect health of body,

and a sound mind, not knowing which of my No. 223.) Tuesday, September 12, 1710.

children will prove better or worse, I give to For when apon their angot heirs,

my first born, be he perverse, ungrateful, imTh' entail themselves and all that's theirs,

pious, or cruel, the lump and bulk of my esWhat blinder bargain e'er was driv'n Or wager lain at six and seven,

tate; and leave one year's purchase only to To pass themselves away, and turn

each of my younger children, whether they Their children's tenants ere they're born. Hud. shall be brave or beautiful, modest or bonourFrom my own Apartment, September 11.

able, from the time of the date hereof, wherein

I resign my senses, and hereby promise to enj. I have been very much solicited by Clarinda, ploy my judgment no further in the distri. Flavia, and Lysetta, to re-assume my discourse bution of my worldly goods from the day of concerning the methods of disposing honour the date bereof; hereby further confessing and

covenanting, that I am from henceforth mar* The first line of an old song in a tragi-comedy, calied Thc Rivals,' 410. 1668, ascribed to sir William Davenant. ried, and dead in law,'

There is no man that is conversant in modern I ordain, That no woman ever demand one settlements, but knows this is an exact transla- shilling to be paid after her husband's death, tion of what is inserted in these instruments. more than the very sum she brings him, or an Men's passions could only make them submit to equivalent for it in land. such terms; and therefore all unreasonable bar- That no settlement be made, in which the gains in marriage ought to be set aside, as well man settles on his children more than the reas deeds extorted from men under force, or in version of the jointure, or the value of it in prison, wbo are altogether as much masters of money ; so that at his death, he may in the their actions, as he that is possessed with a whole be bound to pay his family but double violent passion.

to what he has received. I would have the How strangely men are sometimes partial eldest, as well as the rest have his provision to themselves appears by the rapine of bim out of this. that has a daughter's beauty under his direc- When men are not able to come up to those tion. He will make no scruple of using it to settlemeuts I have proposed, I would have them force from her lover as much of his estate as receive so much of the portion only as they can is worth ten thousand pounds, and at the same come up to, and the rest to go to the woman time, as a justice on the bench, will spare no by way of pin-money, or separate maintenance. pains to get a man banged that has taken but 11 this, I think, I determine equally between a horse from him.

the two sexes. It is to be hoped the legislature will in due If any lawyer varies from these rules, or is time take this kind of robbery into consider-above two days in drawing a marriage-settleation, and not suffer men to prey upon each ment, or uses more words in it tban one skin other when they are about making the most of parchment will contain, or takes above five solemn league, and entering into the strictest pounds for drawing it, I would have him thrown bonds. The only sure remedy is to fix a cer. over the bar. taip rate on every woman's fortune; one price Were these rules observed, a woman with a for that of a maid, and another for that of a small fortune, and a great deal of worth, would widow: for it is of infinite advantage, that be sure to marry according to ber deserts, if there should be no frauds or uncertaiuties in the man's estate were to be less incumbered, in the sale of our women.

proportion as her fortune is less than he might If any man should exceed the settled rate, have with others. he ought to be at liberty alter seven years are A man of a great deal of merit, and not over, by which time his love inay be supposed much estate, might be chosen for his worth; to abate a little, if it is not founded upon rea. because it would not be difficult for him to son, to renounce the bargain, and be freed make a settlement. from the settlement upon restoring the portion; The man that loves a woman best, would as a youth married under fourteen years old not lose her for not being able to bid so mucb may be off, if he pleases, when he comes to as another, or for not complying with an extraage, and as a man is discharged from all bar-vagant demand. gains but that of marriage, made when he is A fine woman would no more be set up to under twenty-one.

auction as she is now. When a man puts in It grieves me, when I consider that these for her, her friends or herself take care to pubrestraints upon matrimony take away the ad-lish it ; and the man that was the first bidder vantage we should otherwise have over other is made no other use of but to raise the price. countries, which are sunk much by those great He that loves her will continue in waiting as ubecks upon propagation, the convents. It is long as she pleases, if her fortune be thoughic thought chiefly owing to these, that Italy and equal to his ; and, under pretence of some Spain want above half their complement of failure in the rent-roll, or difficulties in drawpeople. Were the price of wives always fixed ing the settlement, he is put off until a better and settled, it would contribute to filling the bargain is made with another. nation more than all the encouragements that All the rest of the sex, that are not rich or can possibly be given to foreigners to trans- beautiful to the highest degree, are plainly plant themselves hither.

gainers, and would be married so fast, that the I, therefore, as censor of Britain, until a law least charming of them would soon grow beauis made, will lay down rules wbich shall be obties to the bachelors. served, with penalty of degrading all that break Widows might be easily married, if they them, into Pretty Fellows, Smarts, Squibs, would not, as they do now, set up for discreet, Hunting-Horns, Drums, and Bagpipes. only by being mercenary.

The females that are guilty of breaking my The making matrimony cheap and easy orders, I shall respectively prenounce to be would be the greatest discouragement to vice : Kits, Hornpipes, Dulcimers, and Kettle-drums. the limiting the expense of children would not Such widows as wear the spoils of one hus. make men ill inclined, or afraid of having them band, 1 will bury, if they attempt to rob another. I in a regular way; and the men of merit would

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Rot live unmarried, as they often do now, be- | Dr. Anderson's pills ; nor take notice of the cause the goodness of a wife cannot be ensured many satirical works of this nature so fre. to them ; but the loss of an estate is certain, quently published by Dr. Clark, who bas had and a man would never have the affliction of the confidence to advertise upon that learned a worthless heir added to that of a bad wife. knight, my very worthy friend, sir William

I am the more serious, large, and particular Read: but I shall not interpose in their quarrel : on this subject, because my lucubrations, de. sir William can give him his own in advertisesigned for the encouragement of virtue, cappot ments, that, in the judgment of the imparhave the desired success as long as this incum- tial, are as well penned as the doctor's. brance of settlements continues upon matri- The third and last use of these writings is to mony.

inform the world, where they may be furnished with almost every thing that is necessary for

life. If a man has pains in his head, colics in No. 224.] Thursday, September 14, 1710.

his bowels, or spots in his clothes, he may here Materiam super abat opus.

meet with proper cures and remedies. If a Ovid. Met. ii. 5.

man would recover a wise or a horse that is The matter equall'd not the artist's skill.

R. Il'ynne. stolen or strayed ; if he wants new sermons, From my own Apartment, September 13.

electuaries, asses milk, or any thing else, either

for his body or bis mind; this is the place to It is my custom, in a dearth of news, to

look for them in. entertain myself with those collections of ad

The great art in writing advertisements, is vertisements that appear at the end of all our

the finding out a proper method to catch the public prints. These I consider as accounts of reader's eye, without which a good thing may news from the little world, in the same manner

pass over unobserved, or be lost among com. that the foregoing parts of the paper are from missions of bankrupts. Asterisks and hands the great. If in one we hear that a sovereign

were formerly of great use for this purpose. nrince is Aled from his capital city, in the other of late years the N. B. has been much in we hear of a tradesman who hath shut up his fashion, as also little cuts and figures, the inshop, and run away. If iu one we find the vention of which we must ascribe to the author victory of a general, in the other we see the of spring-trusses. I must not here omit the desertion of a private soldier. I must confess blind Italian character, which, being scarce I have a certain weakness in my temper, that legible, always fixes and detains the eye, and is often very much affected by these little gives the curious reader something like the domestic occurrences, and have frequently been satisfaction of prying into a secret. caught with tears in my eyes over a melancholy

But the great skill in an advertiser is chiefly advertisement.

en in the style which he makes use of. He But to consider this subject in its most ridi- is to mention the universal esteem, or general culous lights, advertisements are of great use reputation,' of things that were never beard to the vulgar. First of all, as they are instru

of. If he is a physician or astrologer, he must ments of ambition. A man that is by no

change his lodgings frequently; and, though means big enough for the Gazette, may easily be never saw any body in them besides his creep into the advertisements ; by which means

own family, give public notice of it, ' for the we often see an apothecary in the same paper information of the nobility and gentry.' Since of news with a plenipotentiary, or a running. I am thus usefully employed in writing critifootman with an ambassador. Au advertise- cisms on the works of these diminutive authors, ment from Piccadilly goes down to posterity I must not pass over in silence an advertisewith an article from Madrid, and John Bartlett ment, which bas lately made its appearance, of Goodman's-fields * is celebrated in the same

and is written altogether in a Ciceronian man. paper with the emperor of Germany. Thus

It was sent to me, with five shillings, to the fable tells us, that the wren mounted as

be inserted among my advertisements ; but as high as the eagle, by getting upon his back.

it is a pattern of good writing in this way, I A second use which this sort of writings bath shall give it a place in the body of my paper. been turned to of late years, has been the ma

• The highest compounded spirit of lavender, nagement of controversy ; insomuch that above the most glorious, if the expression may be used, balf the advertisements one meets with now-a

enlivening scent and flavour that can possibly days are purely polemical. The inventors of be, which so raptures the spirits, delights the

strups for razors' bave written against one
another this way for several years, and that gust, and gives such airs to the countenance,

as are not to be imagined but by those that with great bitterness; as the whole argument bave tried it. The meanest sort of the thing pro and con in the case of 'the morning-gows' is admired by most gentlemen and ladies ; but is still carried on after the same manner. I this far more, as by far it exceeds it, to the need not mention the several proprietors of gaining among all a more than common esteem.

It is sold, in neat flint bottles fit for the

seen

ner.

d truss-maker.

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