here the month, the day, and the hour when I began to endure their company which however I think was a fign of my ill judgment; for I do not perceive they mend in any thing but envying or admiring your Grace. I diflike nothing in your letter but an affected apology for bad writing, bad fpelling, and a bad pen, which you. pretend Mr Gay found fault with; wherein you affront Mr Gay, you affront me, and you affront yourself. Falfe fpelling is only excufable in a chamber-maid, for I would not pardon it in any of your waiting-women.

Pray God preferve your Grace and family; and give me leave to expect, that you will be fo juft to remember me among thofe who have the greatest regard for virtue, goodness, prudence, courage, and generofity; after which you must conclude, that I am, with the greatest refpect and gratitude, Madam, your Grace's most obedient and most humble fervant, &c.

To Mr GAY.

I have just got yours of February 24. with a poftfcript by Mr Pope. I am in great concern for him; I find Mr Pope dictated to you the first part, and with great difficulty fome days after added the reft. I fee his weakness by his hand-writing. How much does his philofophy exceed mine ? I could not bear to fee him; I will write to him foon.

LETTER LIV.

Dublin, June 29. 1731.

balance about going to England, and landing at Bristol, to pass a month at Aimsbury, as the Duchefs hath given me leave. But many difficulties have inerfered. First, I thought I had done with my law-fuit, and fo did all my lawyers; but my adverfary, after being in appearance a Proteftant these twenty years, hath declared he was always a Papift, and confequently, by the law here, cannot buy nor (I think) fell; fo that I am at sea again, for almost all I am worth. But I have

still a worse evil: for the giddinefs I was fubject to, inftead of coming feldom and violent, now conftantly attends me more or lefs; tho' in a more peaceable manner, yet fuch as will not qualify me to live among the young and healthy; and the Duchefs, in all her youth, fpirit, and grandeur, will make a very ill nurse, and her women not much better. Valetudinarians must live where they can command, and fcold; I must have horses to ride, I must go to bed and rife when I please, and live where all mortals are fubfervient to me. I must talk nonfenfe when I please, and all who are prefent must commend it. I muft ride thrice a-week, and walk three or four miles befides, every day.

I always told you Mr-was good for nothing but to be a rank courtier. I care not whether he ever writes to me or no. He and you may tell this to the Duchefs; and I hate to fee you fo charitable, and fuch a cully; and I love you for it, because I am one myself.

yet

You are the fillieft lover in Christendom. If you like Mrs - why do you not command her to take you? if fhe does not, fhe is not worth purfuing. You do her too much honour; fhe hath neither fenfe nor tafte, if The dares to refufe you, tho' fhe had ten thousand pounds. I do not remember to have told you of thanks that you have not given, nor do I understand your meaning, and I am fure I had never the leaft thoughts of any myfelf. If I am your friend, it is for my own reputation, and from a principle of felf love; and I do fometimes reproach you for not honouring me by letting the world know we are friends.

I fee very well how matters go with the Duchefs in regard to me. I heard her fay, Mr Gay, fill your letter to the Dean, that there may be no room for me; the frolic is gone far enough; I have writ thrice; I will do no more; if the man has a mind to come, let him come; what a clutter is here? pofitively I will not write a fyllable more. She is an ungrateful Duchefs, confidering how many adorers, I have procured her here, over and above the thoufands fhe had before. I cannot allow you rich enough till you are worth 7000. which will bring you 300 per annum; and this will maintain you, L. 2

with

with the perquifite of fpunging while you are young; and when you are old, will afford you a pint of Port at night, two fervants, and an old maid, a little garden, and pen and ink,-provided you live in the country.·

Have you no fcheme either in verfe or profe? The Duchefs fhould keep you at hard meat, and by that means force you to write; and fo I have done with you.

MADAM,

SINCE I began to grow old, I have found all ladies become inconftant, without any reproach from their confcience. If I wait on you, I declare, that one of your women (which ever it is that has defigns upon a chaplain) must be my nurse, if I happen to be fick or peevish at your house; and in that cafe you must suspend your domineering claim till I recover. Your omitting the ufual appendix to Mr Gay's letters hath done me infinite mifchief here; for while you continued them, you would wonder how civil the ladies here were to me, and how much they have altered fince. I dare not confefs that I have defcended fo low as to write to your Grace, after the abominable neglect you have been guilty of; for if they but fufpected it, I fhould lofe them all. One of them who had an inkling of the matter, (your Grace will hardly believe it), refused to beg my pardon upon her knees, for once neglecting to make my rice-milk.- -Pray confider this, and do your duty, or dread the confequence. I promise you shall have your will fix minutes every hour at Aimsbury, and feven in London, while I am in health: but if I happen to be fick, I must govern to a fecond. Yet, properly fpeaking, there is no man alive with fo much truth and refpect your Grace's most obedient and devoted fervant.

γου

LETTER LV.

Aug. 28. 1731. OU and the Duchefs ufe me very ill; for I profess I cannot diftinguish the ftyle or the hand writing of either. I think her Grace writes more like you than herfelf, and that you write more like her Grace than

yourself.

yourfelf. I would fwear the beginning of your letter writ by the Duchefs, tho' it is to pafs for yours; becaufe there is a curfed lie in it, that the is neither young nor healthy; and befides, it perfectly resembles the part fhe owns. I will likewife fwear, that what I must suppofe is written by the Duchefs, is your hand: and thus I am puzzled and perplexed between you; but I will go on in the innocency of my own heart.. I am got eight miles from our famous metropolis, to a country parfon's, to whom I lately gave a city-living, fuch as an English chaplain would leap at. I retired hither for the public good, having two great works in hand: one to reduce the whole politenefs, wit, humour, and ftyle of England into a fhort fyftem, for the ufe of all perfons of quality, and particularly the maids of honour. The other is of almoft equal importance; I may call it the whole duty of fervants, in about twenty feveral stations, from the fteward and waiting-woman, down to the fcul lion and pantry-boy †.—I believe no mortal had ever fuch fair invitations, as to be happy in the best company of England. I wish I had liberty to print your letter with my own comments upon it. There was a fellow in Ireland, who from a fhoe-boy grew to be feveral times one of the chief governors, wholly illiterate, and with hardly common fenfe. A Lord Lieutenant told the firft King George, that he was the greatest subject he had in both kingdoms; and truly this character was gotten: and preferved by his never appearing in England; which was the only wife thing he ever did, except purchafing 16,000 l. a-year. Why, you need not ftare: it is eafily applied. I must be abfent, in order to preferve my credit with her Grace.. -Lo here comes in the Duchefs again, (I know her by her dd's; but am a fool for difcovering my art), to defend herself against my conjecture of what the faid.-Madam, I will imitate your Grace, and write to you upon the fame line. I own it is a bafe un-romantic fpirit in me to fufpend the honour of waiting at your Grace's feet, till I can. finish

Wagstaff's Dialogues of polite conversation, published in his life-time. See vol. 7.

An imperfect thing of this kind, called Directions to fervants in general, has been published fince his death. See-vol. 7.

with the perquifite of fpunging while you are young; and when you are old, will afford you a pint of Port at night, two servants, and an old maid, a little garden, and pen and ink,-provided you live in the country.

Have you no fcheme either in verfe or profe? The Duchefs fhould keep you at hard meat, and by that means force you to write; and fo I have done with you.

MADAM,

SINCE I began to grow old, I have found all ladies become inconftant, without any reproach from their confcience. If I wait on you, I declare, that one of your women (which ever it is that has defigns upon a chaplain) must be my nurse, if I happen to be fick or peevish at your house; and in that cafe you must fufpend your domineering claim till I recover. Your omitting the ufual appendix to Mr Gay's letters hath done me infinite mifchief here; for while you continued them, you would wonder how civil the ladies here were to me, and how much they have altered fince. I dare not confefs that I have defcended fo low as to write to your Grace, after the abominable neglect you have been guilty of; for if they but fufpected it, I fhould lofe them all. One of them who had an inkling of the matter, (your Grace will hardly believe it), refufed to beg my pardon upon her knees, for once neglecting to make my rice-milk.. Pray confider this, and do your duty, or dread the confequence. I promise you shall have your will fix minutes every hour at Aimsbury, and feven in London, while I am in health: but if I happen to be fick, I muft govern to a fecond. Yet, properly speaking, there is no man alive with fo much truth and refpect your Grace's most obedient and devoted fervant.

LETTER LV.

Aug. 28. 1731. You OU and the Duchefs ufe me very ill; for I profess I cannot diftinguish the ftyle or the hand-writing of either.I think her Grace writes more like you than herfelf, and that you write more like her Grace than

yourself.