SIR J. Regulars, Lint, regulars; look at their names. Roger, bring me the news: not a soul of them but is either P. L. or M. D. LINT. Plaguy Liars! Murderous Dogs! Enter ROGER, L., bringing the newspaper. SIR J. Liars! Here, look at the list of their cures. The oath of Margery Squab, of Ratcliff Highway, spinster. LINT. Perjuries! SIR J. And see here, the churchwardens have signed it. LINT. Fictitious, Sir Jacob. SIR J. Sworn before the worshipful Mr. Justice Drowsy, this thirteenth day of LINT. Forgery. SIR J. Why, harkye, sirrah-do you think Mr. Justice Drowsy would set his hand to a forgery? LINT. I know, Sir Jacob, that woman; she has been cured of fifty diseases in a fortnight, and every one of 'em mortal. SIR J. Pill-gilding puppy! LINT. And as to the justice, so the affidavit brings him a shilling SIR J. Why, harkye, rascal-how dare you abuse the commission? You blood-letting, tooth-drawing, corn-cutting, worm-killing, blistering, glisteringLINT. Bless me, Sir Jacob! I did not think toSIR J. What, sirrah, do you insult me in my office? Here, Roger, out with him-turn him out. LINT. Sir, as I hope to be ; SIR J. Away with him. You scoundrel, if my clerk was within, I'd send you this instant to Bridewell. Things are come to a pretty pass, indeed, if after all my reading in Wood, and Nelson, and Burn ; if after twenty years' attendance at turnpike-meetings, sessions petty and quarter; if after settling of rates, licencing ale-houses, and committing of vagrants-But all respect to authority is lost, and Unus Quorum tacked to a man's name, is no more regarded now-a-days, than a petty constable. [Knocking.] Roger, see who is at the gate. Why, the fellow is deaf. [Exit ROGER, L. Sturgeon, the fish ROGER. [Without.] Justice monger, from Brentford. SIR J. Gad's my life! and major to the Middlesex militia. Usher him in, Roger. Enter MAJOR STURGEON, L. I could have wished you had come a little sooner, Major Sturgeon. MAJ. S. Why, what has been the matter, Sir Jacob ? SIR J. There has, major, been here an impudent B pill-monger, who has dared to scandalize the whole body of the bench. MAJ. S. Insolent companion! Had I been here, I would have mittimused the rascal at once. SIR J. No, no-he wanted the major more than the magistrate: a few smart strokes from your cane would have fully answered the purpose. Well, major, our wars are done; the rattling drum and squeaking fife now wound our ears no more. MAJ. S. True, Sir Jacob, our corpse is disembodied; so the French may sleep in security. SIR J. But, major, was it not rather late in life for you to enter upon the profession of arms? : MAJ. S. A little awkward in the beginning, Sir Jacob the great difficulty they had was to get me to turn out my toes; but use, use reconciles all them kind of things: why, after my first campaign, I no more minded the noise of the guns than a flea-bite. SIR J. No! MAJ. S. No. There is more made of these matters than they merit. For the general good, indeed, I am glad of the peace; but as to my single selfyet, we have had some desperate duty, Sir Jacob. SIR J. No doubt. -and MAJ. S. Oh! such marchings and counter-marchings-from Brentford to Ealing-from Ealing to Acton-from Acton to Uxbridge; the dust flying, sun scorching, men sweating! Why, there was our last expedition to Hounslow; that day's work carried off Major Molasses. Bunhill-Fields never saw a braver commander! He was an irreparable loss to the service. SIR J. How came that about? |