New wars, because the old succeed so well,
That most survivors envy those who fell;
New mistresses--no, old-and yet 't is true,
Though they be old, the thing is something new;
Each new, quite new-(except some ancient tricks),"°

New white-sticks, gold-sticks, broom-sticks, all new sticks!
With vests or ribands-deck'd alike in hue,

New troopers strut, new turncoats blush in blue :
So saith the muse-my-", what say you!
Such was the time when Waltz might best maintain
Her new preferments in this novel reign;
Such was the time, nor ever yet was such,
Hoops are no more, and petticoats not much;
Morals and minuets, virtue and her stays,
And tell-tale powder-all have had their days.
The ball begins-the honours of the house
First duly done by daughter or by spouse
Some potentate or royal or serene—
With Kent's gay grace, or sapient Gloster's mien,
Leads forth the ready dame, whose rising flush
Might once have been mistaken for a blush.
From where the garb just leaves the bosom free,
That spot where hearts 12 were once supposed to be
Round all the confines of the yielded waist,
The strangest hand may wander undisplaced ;
The lady's in return may grasp as much
As princely paunches offer to her touch.

Pleased round the chalky floor how well they trip,
One hand reposing on the royal hip;
The other to the shoulder no less roya
Ascending with affection truly loyal:

Thus front to front the partners move or stand,
The foot may rest, but none withdraw the hand;
And all in turn may follow in their rank,

The Earl of Asterisk—and Lady Blank;
Sir Such a one-with those of fashion's host,
For whose blest surnames-vide " Morning Post;
(Or if for that impartial print too late,

;

date.)

13

Search Doctors' Commons six months from my
Thus all and each, in movement swift or slow,
The genial contact gently undergo :
Till some might marvel, with the modest Turk,
If "nothing follows all this palming work?" 13
True, honest Mirza-you may trust iny rhyme-
Something does follow at a fitter time;
The breast, thus publicly resign'd to man,
In private may resist him-if it can.

O ye! who loved our grandmothers of yore,
Fitzpatrick, Sheridan, and many more!

And thou, my prince, whose sovereign taste and will
It is to love the lovely beldames still;

Thou, ghost of Queensbury! whose judging sprite
Satan may spare to peep a single night,
Pronounce if ever in your days of bliss,
Asmodeus struck so bright a stroke as this,
To teach the young ideas how to rise,
Flush in the cheek and languish in the eyes ;
Rush to the heart and lighten through the frame,
With half-told wish and ill-dissembled flame :
For prurient nature still will storm the breast-
Who, tempted thus, can answer for the rest?

But ye-who never felt a single thought
For what our morals are to be, or ought;
Who wisely wish the charms you view to reap,
Say-would you make those beauties quite so cheap?
Hot from the hands promiscuously applied,

Round the slight waist, or down the glowing side;
Where were the rapture then to clasp the form,
From this lewd grasp, and lawless contact warm?
At once love's most endearing thought resign,

Το

Το

press the hand so press'd by none but thine ;
gaze upon that eye which never met
Another's ardent look without regret;
Approach the lip which, all without restraint,
Comes near enough-if not to touch-to taint;
If such thou lovest-love her then no more,
Or give like her-caresses to a score ;
Her mind with these is gone, and with it go
The little left behind it to bestow.

Voluptuous Waltz! and dare I thus blaspheme?
Thy bard forgot thy praises were his theme.
TERPSICHORE, forgive !-at every ball

My wife now waltzes—and my daughters shall;
My son (or stop-'t is needless to inquire-
These little accidents should ne'er transpire;
Some ages hence our genealogic tree
Will wear as green a bough for him as me),
Waltzing shall rear, to make our name amends,
Grandsons for me-in heirs to all his friends.

NOTES.

State of the poll (last day) 5.

Note 1. Page 439.

Note 2. Page 439.

My Latin is all forgotten, if a man can be said to have forgotten what he never remembered; but I bought my title-page motto of a Catholic priest for a three shilling bank token, after much haggling for the even sixpence. I grudged the money to a papist, being all for the memory of Perceval, and "no popery ;" and quite regretting the downfal of the pope, because we can't burn him any more.

Note 3. Page 441.

"Glance their many-twinkling feet.'
."-Gray.

Note 4. Page 441.

To rival Lord W.'s, or his nephew's, as the reader pleases :-the one gained a pretty woman, whom he deserved, by fighting for; and the other has been fighting in the Peninsula many a long day, "by Shrewsbury clock," without gaining any thing in that country but the title of "the Great Lord," and "the Lord," which savours of profanation, having been hitherto applied only to that Being, to whom "Te Deums" for carnage are the rankest blasphemy.-It is to be presumed the general will one day return to his Sabine farm, there

"To tame the genius of the stubborn plain,
Almost as quickly as he conquer'd Spain."

The Lord Peterborough conquered continents in a summer; we do more-we contrive both to conquer and lose them in a shorter season. If the " great Lord's" Cincinnatian progress in agriculture be no speedier than the proportional average of time in Pope's couplet, it will, according to the farmer's proverb, be "ploughing with dogs."

By the by-one of this illustrious person's new titles is forgotten-it is, however, worth remembering-" Salvador del mundo!" credite, posteri! If this be the appellation annexed by the inhabitants of the Peninsula to the name of a man who has not yet saved them-query-are they worth saving even in this world? for, according to the mildest modifications of any Christian creed, those three words make the odds much against them in the next.-" Saviour of the world," quotha!— it were to be wished that he, or any one else, could save a corner of it-his country. Yet this stupid misnomer, although it shows the near connexion between superstition and impiety, so far has its use, that it proves there can be little to dread from those Catholics (inquisitorial Catholics too) who can confer such an appellation on a Protestant. I suppose next year he will be entitled the "Virgin Mary :" if so, Lord George Gordon himself would have nothing to object to such liberal bastards of our Lady of Babylon.

Note 5. Page 442.

The patriotic arson of our amiable allies cannot be sufficiently commanded-nor subscribed for. Amongst other details omitted in the various dispatches of our eloquent ambassador, he did not state (being too much occupied with the exploits of Colonel C, in swimming rivers frozen, and galloping over roads impassable), that one entire province perished by famine in the most melancholy manner, as follows:-In General Rostopchin's consummate conflagration, the consumption of

tallow and train oil was so great, that the market was inadequate to the demand: and thus one hundred and thirty-three thousand persons were starved to death, by being reduced to wholesome diet! The lamplighters of London have since subscribed a pint (of oil) a piece, and the tallow-chandlers have unanimously voted a quantity of best moulds (four to the pound) to the relief of the surviving Scythians -the scarcity will soon, by such exertions, and a proper attention to the quality rather than the quantity of provision, be totally alleviated. It is said, in return, that the untouched Ukraine has subseribed sixty thousand beeves for a day's meal to our suffering manufacturers.

Note 6. Page 444.

Dancing-girls-who do for hire what Waltz doth gratis.

Note 7. Page 444.

It cannot be complained now, as in the Lady Baussière's time, of the "Sieur de la Croix," that there be "no whiskers;" but how far these are indications of valour in the field, or elsewhere, may still be questionable. Much may be and hath been avouched on both sides. In the olden time philosophers had whiskers, and soldiers none-Scipio himself was shaven-Hannibal thought his one eye handsome enough without a beard; but Adrian, the Emperor, wore a beard (having warts on his chin, which neither the Empress Sabina, nor even the courtiers could abide)Turenne had whiskers, Marlborough none-Bonaparte is unwhiskered, the Regent whiskered; "argal," greatness of mind and whiskers may or may not go together; but certainly the different occurrences, since the growth of the last-mentioned, go further in behalf of whiskers than the anathema of Anselm did against long hair in the reign of Henry I.

Formerly red was a favourite colour. See Lodowick Barrey's comedy of Ram Alley, 1661, act. I. scene 1.

66

Taffeta. Now, for a wager-What coloured beard comes next by the window? "Adriana. A black man's, I think.

"Taffeta. I think not so: I think a red, for that is most in fashion."

There is "nothing new under the sun;" but red, then a favourite, has now subsided into a favourite's colour.

Note 8. Page 444.

An anachronism-Waltz, and the battle of Austerlitz are before said to have opened the ball together; the bard means (if he means any thing), Waltz was not so much in vogue till the Regent attained the acmé of his popularity. Waltz, the comet, whiskers, and the new government, illuminated heaven and earth, in all their glory, much about the same time; of these the comet only has disappeared; the other three continue to astonish us still.

PRINTER'S DEVIL.

Note 9. Page 444.

Amongst others a new ninepence-a creditable coin now forthcoming, worth a pound, in paper, at the fairest calculation.

Note 10. Page 445.

"Oh that right should thus overcome might!" Who does not remember the "delicate Investigation" in the "Merry Wives of Windsor ?"

"Ford. Pray you come near: if I suspect without cause, why then make sport at me; then let me be your jest; I deserve it. How now? whither bear you this? "Mrs. Ford. What have you to do whither they bear it?-you were best meddle with buck-washing.

Note 11. Page 445.

The gentle, or ferocious reader, may fill up the blank as he pleases-there are several dissyllabic names at his service (being already in the Regent's): it would not be fair to back any peculiar initial against the alphabet, as every month will add to

the lists now entered for the sweepstakes—a distinguished consonant is said to be the favourite, much against the wishes of the knowing Ones.

Note 12. Page 445.

"We have changed all that," says the Mock Doctor," 'tis all gone-Asmodeus knows where. After all, it is of no great importance how women's hearts are disposed of; they have nature's privilege to distribute them as absurdly as possible. But there are also some men with hearts so thoroughly bad, as to remind us of those phenomena often mentioned in natural history; viz. a mass of solid stone-only to be opened by force-and when divided, you discover a toad in the centre lively, and with the reputation of being venomous.'

Note 13. Page 445.

In Turkey a pertinent-here an impertinent and superfluous question-literally put, as in the text, by a Persian to Morier, on seeing a waltz in Pera.--Vide Morier's Travels.