STAT

TATISTICS tell us that there is now one auto for every five people in this country. We suggest the limiting of drivers to four pedestrians each.

Marcus Loew's unaccepted offer of $5,000 a week for Miss Gertrude Ederle's appearance in vaudeville has been reduced to $1,500 a week. Three successful Channel swims in one month caused the drop in price, especially since one of the conquerors, as a mother of two children, might cause greater curiosity in vaudeville. "Trudy" had better sign up a contract or two before Channel swimming becomes a weekly occurrence.

We hear so much "Nize Baby" talk now that this little incident should be ripe for telling. Two of our Semitic citizens who speak the Milt Gross dialect were told by the traffic cop to pull their car over to the curb.

"Where do you think you're going?" growled the officer. "You're in too much of a hurry. I think I'll hand you a ticket for speeding." The frightened motorist paled.

"And," continued the cop, "I also believe I'll hand you another ticket for passing that red light back there."

"I also think," the policeman continued, sarcastically, "that I will slip you a ticket for obstructing traffic."

By this time the driver was frightened speechless. But not so Mrs. Feitelbaum, in the rear seat; she spoke up: "Sha, sha, Mister Policeman, dun't pay no attantion to heem. Hizz dronk!"

From "Life:"

Rafter: "I'm becoming so near-sighted that I bump into people when I walk along the street."

Shafter: "Goodness, man! That's dangerous. Why don't you buy a car and drive it?"

We are always glad to hear from those of our readers who notice amusing signboards. Mr. Avery L. Rand, of Webb City, Missouri, writes of an office window in Carthage, Missouri, bearing the letters:

HARDAWAY BUTCHERS

DENTISTS

We wonder what the dentists did to Hardaway.

From "Life:"

"And did the children have a good time at the beach Saturday?" he inquired.

"Oh, Uncle Harold, I should say we did! Fanny got sick from riding on the rollercoaster; Mary was lost for the whole afternoon; George ate so much pop-corn and drank so many things he had to be taken to the first-aid station; Howard was nearly drowned when he fell off the pier; Paul lost his hat and coat and his new watch; and Grace sprained her ankle. We're going again next Saturday. Don't you want to come along?"

First Boy: "My father, he dropped twelve stories, and it never hurt him at all, no, sir!"

Second Boy: "You don't say so! How did that happen?"

First Boy: "He's an editor."

The new "Vitaphone," which reproduces the voices of those appearing in the moving pictures, may revolutionize the method of titles and explanatory captions. The picture players may be required from now on to "talk" these titles. This, we are sure, will bring up several difficulties, for

few of the present-day movie stars know anything of elocution and diction and some of them can't even speak the English language.

"What's the use of washing my hands before I go to school, mother?" said the small boy. "I'm not one of those who are always raising them."

Country cousin: "Now this is the bossy cow that gives little Elsie such nice milk." Little Elsie (just from the city, whose knowledge comes from the advertisements): "Now show me the one that gives the malted milk."

Better times are ahead if we help others to have a better time.

"Doesn't the upkeep of that old car of yours cost you a lot of money?"

"Oh, no; I get off very easily; it doesn't cost me a cent. You see, I live right next to the railroad crossing."

Try your hand at composing short poems for this column. Here is one:

How odd Of God

To choose

The Jews!

Another still shorter:

Adam Had 'em.

We will wager that you cannot compose one shorter than this:

I. Why?

You will know the kind of a school to which Jessie was sent when I tell you that before she had been there many weeks she had been persuaded to change her name to Jessica, because that is far more tony. According to the "Christian Advocate," she wrote to her brother shortly after she reached the school and signed herself by her new name, and anon received the following reply:

"Dear Jessica-I received your welcome letter. Mammaica and Papaica are quite well. Aunt Maryica and Uncle Georgica have gone to London. I have a new chum. His name is Samica Jonesica.-Your affectionate brother, Tommyica."

Just the epistle you would expect from a-brother.

Mr. Harold T. Pulsifer, President of The Outlook Company, on reading of the troubles of Mr. Ludlum in last week's By the Way column, told its editor that he was also once the victim of a similar blunder on the part of a maid. Mr. Pulsifer called up his home and left word that he was planning to go for a week-end to a famous fishing club on Long Island. This is the way the message was transmitted: "Mr. Pulsifer say he gone for week to wine and dance club." The real name of the club was the Wyandanch.

First colored boy: "Boy, you is so thin you could close one eye and pass as a needle."

Second colored boy: "Doan' you talk, mister; you is such a little thread you could just pass through ma closed eye."

Do you know which verse in the Bible contains all the letters of the alphabet except the letter "j"? If you do not, you will find that verse in these columns next week.

The answer to last week's conundrum is Me-men-toes.

The reason why your savings grow more rapidly when you buy Smith Bonds is this: Smith Bonds enable you to realize the full earning power of your money. They pay you the highest rate of interest consistent with our record of no loss to any investor in 53 years.

The importance of the rate of interest you receive is shown by the following: With interest compounded semi-annually, a sum of money invested at 4% will double itself in 171⁄2 years; at 5% in 14 years; at 6% in 1134 years; at 7% in 10 years.

Our current offerings of First Mortgage Bonds pay 6%, 63% and 7%. Also, some of the 62% and 634% issues have Federal and State tax-refund features.

Smith Bonds are strongly secured by first mortgages on modern, incomeproducing city property, and are protected by safeguards that have resulted in our 53-year record of perfect safety. You may buy Smith Bonds outright in 2 to 10-year maturities and in denominations of $1,000, $500 or $100. Also, you may buy $500 or $1,000 bonds by 10 equal monthly payments. Regular monthly payments earn the full rate of bond

best residential section, 7 or 8 rooms and bath-4 bedrooms, sitting-room, dining-room, den, and kitchen; garage. 17 miles from New York, 4 minutes' walk from station. Adults. 6,471, Outlook.

HOTELS NEED TRAINED MEN AND WOMEN. Nation-wide demand for highsalaried men and women. Past experience unnecessary. We train you by mail and put you in touch with big opportunities. Big pay, fine living, interesting work, quick advancement, permanent. Write for free book, "YOUR BIG OPPORTUNITY." Lewis Hotel Training Schools, Suite D-5842, Washington, D. C.

MOTHER'S helper, competent, intelligent woman of agreeable personality (not servant type), to assist in home duties. Protestant family. Mrs. David Sternbergh, Sinking Spring, Pa.

SWISS French teacher or highly recommended governess to live as member of

SITUATIONS WANTED

AMERICAN middle-aged woman, Protestant, wishes position as companion-housekeeper to lady, managing housekeeper or housemother in school. Address W., Lock Box 748, Englewood, N. J.

CHRISTIAN woman, refined, cultured, experienced, desires position as secretary and companion to congenial person, or as social secretary in girls' or boys' school. Highest testimonials and references. 7,211, Outlook.

CLUB HOSTESS-Household manager, supervising housekeeper (54), tactful, Lewis trained, hotel experience. References. 7,227, Outlook.

COMPANION-secretary to elderly lady, by clergyman's daughter. Exceptional references. 7,186, Outlook.

EDUCATED, experienced woman as dietitian or housekeeper. Now dietitian at girls' camp. Highest credentials. 7,201, Outlook.

ENGLISH girl (22), good family, requires post as companion, preferably to American lady traveling Continent or living in America. Fluent French. Experienced traveler, Drives car. Excellent references given and required. Reply Miss Wilkinson, Aldeburgh Lodge, Aldeburgh, Suffolk, England.

EXPERIENCED woman wishes position as supervising housekeeper. Capable of assuming full charge of home. Conscientious service given and adequate compensation expected. 7,237, Outlook.

GENTLEWOMAN, widow, middle-aged, position as companion-housekeeper, cate widower's home, housemother. Wide executive experience. 7,238, Outlook.

GOVERNESS, mother's assistant. Educated, experienced woman. Good sewer. 7,232, Outlook.

LADY desires position as hostess, social secretary in private school or club. 7,224, Outlook.

LADY, middle-aged, refined, capable, seeks position as companion or managing housekeeper. 7,233, Outlook.

LADY, university graduate, with teaching experience, desires winter tutoring with travel, either in United States or abroad. Compensation no object. 7,220, Outlook,

PRACTICAL nurse, traveling to California in October, will act as nurse or companion to invalid or elderly person for all expenses. References. 7,236, Outlook.

SOUTHERN woman, refined, educated, middle-aged, healthy, experienced as teacher and public speaker, able executive, desires position as official in school, hostess in Y. W. C. A., companion in home or travel, or other suitable employment. 7,228, Outlook.

WANTED, by Canadian university graduate, 22, position as governess, tutor, companion. Teaching experience. 7,229, Outlook. WANTED-Woman with executive training and wide experience-position as manag ing housekeeper in institution; charge of high class apartment house; hostess; pastor's assistant; dietitian. Exceptional references. 7,240, Outlook.

WOMAN of tact and wide experience would take charge of a home where help is kept. American, Protestant. Free to go anywhere. 7,230, Outlook.

YOUNG Swedish couple, woman cooks, Best references. Write Box 303, Essex, Conn.

methods and fond of children. Congenial, happy surroundings. Apply to Mrs. Henry H. Perry, 200 Prospect St., Belmont, Mass.

WANTED-A gentlewoman to take charge of the linen room in an institution. Apply 7,235, Outlook.

WANTED-A housekeeper, middle-aged or younger, good manager, capable in han2 adults and 4 small children in Pennsylvania, about 2 hours' ride from Philadelphia. Nurse and cook employed. Address 7,223, Outlook.

WANTED-Minister or teacher of experience wishing academic occupation, reinforce faculty teaching by tutoring preparatory boys as needed. Write Massanutten Academy, Woodstock, Va.

WANTED-Woman about 40, refined, educated, good health, active, no encumbrances, with executive ability, as assistant in household duties where servants are kept, in quiet country place, two elderly ladies. Good home and salary for responsible person with experience. Answer, stating age, nationality, religion. No one not liking quiet, sensible life need apply. Box 128, Princeton, N. J.

In writing to the above advertisers please mention The Outlook

MISCELLANEOUS

TO young women desiring training in the care of obstetrical patients a six months' nurses' aid course is offered by the Lying-In Hospital, 307 Second Ave., New York. Aids are provided with maintenance and given a monthly allowance of $10. For further particulars address Directress of Nurses.

FOR sale, jams and preserves. Mary Golding, North Perry, Me.

RANCH life, camp life, home life, under experienced guidance. Tutoring. F. M. Barton (A.B. Harvard), Overlook Ranch, El Cajon (near San Diego), Cal.

WILL take boy or girl, 13 to 17 years old, to attend school and live in private family in Maplewood, N. J. 7,231, Outlook. RIMROCK Farm-For little girls and boys of school age or younger. Katharine E. Salkeld, Petersham, Mass.

PRESS OF WILLIAM GREEN, INC.

was about to go to Jamaica to forget an unhappy love affair when the success of his first volume of poetry led him to go to Edinburgh to become the literary lion of the day? -that the first manuscript of Carlyle's "French Revolution" was destroyed through the carelessness of a servant? -that Lewis Carroll,

author of "Alice in Wonderland," was a teacher of mathematics and an ordained deacon, but never proceeded to priest's orders because he stammered? -that Cervantes wrote "Don Quixote" while he was in prison for debt? -that Thomas Chatterton, the boy genius, committed suicide by swallowing poison in a garret at the age of eighteen because he could not earn a living by his poetry? -that the poet Dante,

whose work was inspired by his great love for Beatrice, first saw her when he was nine years old and only once or twice thereafter? -that Darwin, author of the epoch-making work on evolution, was educated for the ministry?

"I

CAN'T read worth-while literature-what is the matter with me?"

The well-read man looked up from his book: "What have you read?" "I bought sets of Goethe and Schiller. They are supposed to be masters, aren't they? Well, I tried hard. "I know what it means to me, I know it's important to read the better things but I can't do it. I tried for a month to read those books. I read seven of those plays and couldn't go another line. I wanted to-"

"Wait a minute," said his wellread friend. "Let me get this straight. You read seven plays of Goethe and Schiller in one month?" "Yes. And now I hate the sound of their names."

"What else did you read in that month?"

"Why, nothing." The young business man seemed surprised.

I

"No wonder you hate them! would, too! Seven German dramas in a month! I don't read that many in a year.

"You approach the classics in the wrong way. You ought to mix your reading-have it planned as you would a meal."

Have you been "fighting" literature? Trying to consume it wholesale? Stop! There is an easier way-a plan devised for your needs, no matter how busy you are. It requires only a few spare minutes a day. It outlines your reading for a whole year.

The New Daily Reading Guide! When this new plan was first introduced under the title of "The Daily Reading Guide," its success was instantaneous.

So great was the interest that plans were begun for the further development of the idea. John Huston

Finley, formerly President of The City College of New York and Commissioner of Education of the State of New York, consented to act as Editor-in-Chief. Other eminent educators and men of letters lent their services.

Now their work is completed. The New Daily Reading Guide has just come from the press. It tells you what to read, and arranges your reading in a systematic daily schedule. A few minutes a day over a period of one year will give you a broad literary background. Nearly four hundred authors are introduced to you in this easy, delightful way. Prose and poetry, fiction and historical description, flashing gems of humor, masterpieces of penetrating pathos and moving eloquence are presented in entertaining variety.

To give you a personal acquaintance with the great writers, brief sketches of their life and work are included-nearly 400 in all, extending from the writers of ancient Greece to the men and women who are creating the literature of to-day.

The first edition of The New Daily Reading Guide is to be given away. This sensational offer is made in order to secure the names of men and women who are interested in good

reading. They will be put in the

mailing list to receive descriptive literature of the University Library of the world's greatest masterpieces.

Mail the Coupon Now You may have The New Daily Reading Guide for the mailing of the coupon. You are only asked to enclose 25 cents (currency or stamps) to help defray the expense of handling and mailing.

Tens of thousands will want this book. To be sure of your copy mail the coupon at once.

City

Address

Nearly 400 Great
Authors

The New Daily Reading Guide introduces you to the masters of all time, such as:

Gentlemen: Please send The New Daily Reading Guide, more than 300 pages, bound in cloth, containing the daily outline of reading, biographical sketches of nearly 400 famous authors and articles by eminent men of letters. I enclose 25c (currency or stamps) to defray handling and mailing. There is to be no further cost or obligation.

Name.........

State