A rope! I wish we patriots had
Such strings for all who need 'em,—
What! hang a man for going mad?
Then farewell British freedom.
OBSERVING SOME NAMES OF LITTLE NOTE
RECORDED IN THE BIOGRAPHIA BRITANNICA.
Оn fond attempt to give a deathless lot,
To names ignoble, born to be forgot!
In vain recorded in historic page,
They court the notice of a future age,
Those twinkling tiny lustres of the land
Drop one by one from fame's neglecting hand,
Lethean gulfs receive them as they fall,
And dark oblivion soon absorbs them all.
So when a child, as playful children use,
Has burnt to tinder a stale last year's news,
The flame extinct, he views the roving fire,
There goes my lady, and there goes the 'squire;
There goes the parson, oh! illustrious spark,
And there, scarce less illustrious, goes the clerk.
REPORT OF AN ADJUDGED CASE
NOT TO BE FOUND IN ANY OF THE BOOKS.
BETWEEN Nose and Eyes a strange contest arose,
The spectacles set them unhappily wrong;
The point in dispute was, as all the world knows,
To which the said spectacles ought to belong.
So the Tongue was the lawyer and argued the cause
With a great deal of skill, and a wig full of learning,
While chief baron Ear sat to balance the laws,
So famed for his talent in nicely discerning.
In behalf of the Nose, it will quickly appear,
And your lordship, he said, will undoubtedly find,
That the Nose has had spectacles always in wear,
Which amounts to possession time out of mind.
Then holding the spectacles up to the court,-
Your lordship observes they are made with a straddle,
As wide as the ridge of the Nose is, in short,
Design'd to sit close to it, just like a saddle.
Again, would your lordship a moment suppose
('Tis a case that has happen'd and may be again,)
That the visage or counterance had not a Nose,
Pray who would or who could wear spectacles then?
On the whole it appears, and my argument shows
With a reasoning the court will never condemn,
That the spectacles plainly were made for the Nose,
And the Nose was as plainly intended for them.
Then shifting his side, as a lawyer knows how,
He pleaded again in behalf of the Eyes,
But what were his arguments few people know,
For the court did not think they were equally wise.
So his lordship decreed, with a grave solemn tone,
Decisive and clear, without one if or but,-
That whenever the Nose put his spectacles on,
By daylight or candlelight-Eyes should be shut.
BURNING OF LORD MANSFIELD'S LIBRARY,
BY THE MOB, IN THE MONTH OF JUNE, 1780.
So then the Vandals of our isle,
Sworn foes to sense and law,
Have burnt to dust a nobler pile
Than ever Roman saw !
And Murray sighs o'er Pope and Swift,
And many a treasure more,
The well-judged purchase and the gift
That graced his letter'd store.
Their pages mangled, burnt, and torn,
The loss was his alone;
But ages yet to come shall mourn
The burning of his own.
ON THE SAME.
WHEN wit and genius meet their doom
In all devouring flame,
They tell us of the fate of Rome,
And bid us fear the same.
O'er Murray's loss the Muses wept,
They felt the rude alarm,
Yet bless'd the guardian care that kept
His sacred head from harm.
There memory, like the bee that's fed
From Flora's balmy store,
The quintessence of all he read
Had treasured up before.
The lawless herd, with fury blind
Have done him cruel wrong;
The flowers are gone,-but still we find
The honey on his tongue.
THE LOVE OF THE WORLD REPROVED;
HYPOCRISY DETECTED'.
THUS says the prophet of the Turk ;
Good mussulman, abstain from pork!
In a letter to Mr. Thornton, (March 13, 1779, which has been printed in the Congregational Magazine, and which I am obliged to Mr. Blackburne
There is a part in every swine
No friend or follower of mine
May taste, whate'er his inclination,
On pain of excommunication.
Such Mahomet's mysterious charge,
And thus he left the point at large.
Had he the sinful part express'd,
They might with safety eat the rest;
But for one piece they thought it hard
From the whole hog to be debarred,
And set their wit at work to find
What joint the prophet had in mind.
Much controversy straight arose,
These choose the back, the belly those;
By some 'tis confidently said
He meant not to forbid the head,
While others at that doctrine rail,
And piously prefer the tail.
Thus, conscience freed from every clog,
Mahometans eat up the hog.
You laugh!-'tis well,-the tale applied
May make you laugh on t'other side.
Renounce the world, the preacher cries ;-
We do,-a multitude replies,
While one as innocent regards
Α snug and friendly game at cards;
And one, whatever you may say,
Can see no evil in a play ;
Some love a concert or a race,
And others, shooting and the chase.
Reviled and loved, renounced and follow'd,
Thus bit by bit the world is swallow'd;
for communicating to me,) Mr. Newton says, "you may perhaps remember the tale of the Mahometan Hog, which I once sent to Mrs. Thornton, Mr. Cowper lately versified it, and reserve the other side to transmit you a copy. He did it in about an hour; it gives a proof that his faculties are no ways hurt by his long illness, and likewise that the taste and turn of his mind are still the same. The six lines included in brackets are an addition of mine." They are the lines from v. 9 to 14.
Has the well known American expression of "going the whole hog" originated from this story?
Each thinks his neighbour makes too free, Yet likes a slice as well as he,
With sophistry their sauce they sweeten, Till quite from tail to snout 'tis eaten.
THE LILY AND THE ROSE.
THE nymph must lose her female friend
If more admired than she,-
But where will fierce contention end
If flowers can disagree?
Within the garden's peaceful scene
Appear'd two lovely foes,
Aspiring to the rank of queen,
The Lily and the Rose.
The Rose soon redden'd into rage,
And swelling with disdain,
Appeal'd to many a poet's page
To prove her right to reign.
The Lily's height bespoke command,
A fair imperial flower,
She seem'd design'd for Flora's hand,
The sceptre of her power.
This civil bickering and debate
The goddess chanced to hear,
And flew to save, ere yet too late,
The pride of the parterre.
Yours is, she said, the nobler hue,
And yours the statelier mien,
And till a third surpasses you,
Let each be deem'd a queen.
Thus soothed and reconciled, each seeks The fairest British fair,
The seat of empire is her cheeks,
They reign united there.
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