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by the learned.
They are neither missed in news. A dish of twist. Grand vizier stran
From six to ten. At the club. Mr. Nisby's
Ten. Dream of the grand vizier. Broken sleep.
the common-wealth, nor lamented by private gled. persons. Their actions are of no significancy to mankind, and might have been performed account of the great Turk. by creatures of much less dignity than those who are distinguised by the faculty of reason. An eminent French author speaks somewhere to the following purpose: I have often seen from my chamber window two noble creatures, shoe-buckle broke. Hands but not face. both of them of an erect countenance and Nine. Paid off the butcher's bill. Mem.
WEDNESDAY, eight o'clock. Tongue of my
endowed with reason. These two intellectual to be allowed for the last leg of mutton. beings are employed from morning to night Ten, eleven. At the Coffee-house. in rubbing two smooth stones one upon amo-work in the north. Stranger in a black wig ther; that is, as the vulgar phrase is, in asked me how stocks went. lishing marble.
From twelve to one. Walked in the fields. Wind to the south.
From one to two. Smoked a pipe and a half.
Two. Dined as usual. Stomach good. Three. Nap broke by the falling of a pewter dish. Mem. cook-maid in love, and grown careless.
My friend, Sir Andrew Freeport, as we were sitting in the club last night, gave us an account of a sober citizen, who died a few days since. This honest man being of greater consequence in his own thoughts than in the eye of the world, had for some years past kept a journal of his life. Sir Andrew showed us one week of it. Since the occurrences set down From four to six. Af the coffee-house. in it mark out such a road of action as that Advice from Smyrna that the grand vizier I have been speaking of, I shall present my headed. was first of all strangled, and afterwards bereader with a faithful copy of it; after having first informed him, that the deceased persons had in his youth been bred to trade, but finding himself not so well turned for business, he had for several years last past lived altogether upon a moderate annuity.*
MONDAY, eight o'clock. I put on my clothes, and walked into the parlour.
hour in the club before any body else came. Six o'clock in the evening. Was half an Mr. Nisby of opinion that the grand vizier was not strangled the sixth instant.
Ten at night. Went to bed. Slept without waking until nine the next morning.
THURSDAY, nine o'clock. Staid within until two o'clock for Sir Timothy; who did not
Nine o'clock ditto. Tied my knee-strings, bring me my annuity according to his pro
and washed my hands.
Hours ten, eleven, and twelve. three pipes of Virginia. Read the Supplement and Daily Courant. Things go ill in the north. Mr. Nisby's opinion thereupon.
One o'clock in the afternoon. Chid Ralph for mislaying my tobacco-box.
Two o'clock. Sat down to dinner. Mem. Too many plumbs, and no suet.
From three to four. Took my afternoon's nap.
From four to six. Walked into the fields. Wind S. S. E.
Two in the afternoon. Sat down to dinner. Loss of appetite. Small-beer sour. Beef over-corned.
Three. Could not take my nap.
Four and five. Gave Ralph a box on the ear. Turned off my cook-maid. Sent a messenger to Sir Timothy. Mem. I did not go to the club to night. Went to bed at nine o'clock.
FRIDAY. Passed the morning in meditation upon Sir Timothy, who was with me a quarter
From six to ten. At the Club. Mr. Nisby's before twelve. opinion about the peace.
Ten o'clock. .Went to bed, slept sound.
Twelve o'clock. Bought a new head to my cane, and a tongue to my buckle. Drank a glass of purl to recover appetite. Two and three. Dined and slept well. From four to six. Went to the coffee-house.
Met Mr. Nisby there. Smoked several pipes. Mr. Nisby of opinion that laced coffee is bad for the head.
Six o'clock. At the club as steward. Sat
late. Returned, dined
a knuckle of veal and bacon.
From four to six. Coffee-house
Twelve o'clock. Went to bed, dreamt that I drank small beer with the grand vizier. SATURDAY. Waked at eleven, walked in the
Read the fields, wind N. E.
It has been conjectured that this journal was intended to ridicule a gentleman who was a member of the congregation named Independents, where a Mr. Nesbit officiated as minister. See John Dunton's account of his Life, Errors, and Opinions.
Twelve. Caught in a shower.
One in the afternoon. Returned home and dried myself.
Two. Mr. Nisby dined with me. First course, marrow-bones; second, ox-cheek, with a bottle of Brooks and Hellier.
Three. Overslept myself.
Six. Went to the club. Like to have fallen into a gutter. Grand vizier certainly dead, &c.
that he thought it would be an endless reproach to him to make no use of a familiarity he was allowed at a gentleman's house, whose good humour and confidence exposed his wife to the I question not but the reader will be sur-addresses of any who should take it in their prised to find the above-mentioned journalist head to do him the good office. It is not imtaking so much care of a life that was filled possible that Escalus might also resent that with such inconsiderable actions, and receiv-the husband was particularly negligent of him; ed so very small improvements; and yet, if we and though he gave many intimations of a look into the behaviour of many whom we passion towards the wife, the husband either daily converse with, we shall find that most did not see them, or put him to the contempt of their hours are takeu up in those three im- of overlooking them. In the mean time Isabelportant articles of eating, drinking, and sleep-la, for so we shall call our heroine, saw his ing. I do not suppose that a man loses his passion, and rejoiced it, as a foundation for in time, who is not engaged in public affairs, or much diversion, and an opportunity of indulgin an illustrious course of action. On the con- ing herself in the dear delight of being admirtrary, I believe our hours may very often be ed, addressed to, and flattered, with no l more profitably laid out in such transactions consequence to her reputation. This lady is as make no figure in the world, than in such of a free and disengaged behaviour, ever in as are apt to draw upon them the attention of good-humour, such as is the image of innomankind. One may become wiser and better cence with those who are innocent, and an enby several methods of employing one's self couragement to vice with those who are abandoned. From this kind of carriage, and an in secrecy and silence, and do what is laudable without noise or ostentation. I would, apparent approbation of his gallantry, Escalus however, recommend to every one of my reahad frequent opportunities of laying amorous ders, the keeping a journal of their lives for epistles in her way, of fixing his eyes attenone week, and setting down punctually their tively upon her actions, of performing a thouwhole series of employments during that space sand little offices which are neglected by the of time. This kind of self-examination would unconcerned, but are so many approaches give them a true taste of themselves, and in- towards happiness with the enamoured. cline them to consider seriously what they are was now, as is above hinted, almost the end of about. One day would rectify the omissions the seventh year of his passion, when Escalus, of another, and make a man weigh all those indifferent actions, which, though they are easily forgotten, must certainly be accounted
No. 318.] Wednesday, March 5, 1711-12.
non omnia possumus omnes. Virg. Ecl. viii. 63. With different talents form'd, we variously excel.*
" MR. SPECTATOR,
from general terms, and the ambiguous respect which criminal lovers retain in their addresses, began to bewail that his passion grew too violent for him to answer any longer for his behaviour towards her, and that he hoped she would have consideration for his long and patient respect, to excuse the emotions of a heart now no longer under the direction of the unhappy owner of it. Such, for some months, had been the language of Escalus, both in his talk and his letters to Isabella, who returned all the profusion of kind things which A CERTAIN Vice, which you have lately at- had been the collection of fifty years, with tacked, has not been considered by you as "I must not hear you; you will make me forgrowing so deep in the heart of man, that the get that you are a gentleman; I would not affectation outlives the practice of it. You willingly lose you as a friend;" and the like must have observed, that men who have been expressions, which the skilful interpret to bred in arms preserve to the most extreme and their own advantage, as well knowing that a feeble old age, a certain daring in their as- feeble denial is a modest assent. I should pect. In like manner, they who have passed have told you, that Isabella, during the whole their time in gallantry and adventure, keep progress of this amour, communicated it to up, as well as they can, the appearance of it, her husband; and that an account of Escalus's and carry a petulant inclination to their last love was their usual entertainment after half moments. Let this serve for a preface to a re-a day's absence. Isabella therefore, upon her lation I am going to give you of an old beau in lover's late more open assaults, with a smile town, that has not only been amorous, and a told her husband she could hold out no lonfollower of women in general, but also, in spite ger, but that his fate was now come to a crisis. of the admonition of gray hairs, been from After she had explained herself a little farther, his sixty-third year to his present seventieth in with her husband's approbation, she proceedan actual pursuit of a young lady, the wife of ed in the following manner. The next time his friend, and a man of merit. The gay old that Escalus was alone with her, and repeatEscalus has wit, good health, and is perfectly ed his importunity, the crafty Isabella, looked well bred; but, from the fashion and manners on her fan with an air of great attention, as of the court when he was in his bloom, has considering of what importance such a secret such a natural tendency to amorous adventure,
The motto to this paper in folio was, 'Rideat, et pulset lasciva decentius ætas.'-Hor.
was to her; and upon the repetition of a warm expression, she looked at him with an eye of fondness, and told him he was past that time of life which could make her fear
he would boast of a lady's favour; then turn- care, as much as possible, to keep myself a I have neither ed away her head, with a very well acted neuter between both sexes. confusion, which favoured the escape of the spared the ladies out of complaisance, nor the aged Escalus. This adventure was matter of men out of partiality; but notwithstanding great pleasantry to Isabella and her spouse; the great integrity with which I have acted in and they had enjoyed it two days before this particular, I find myself taxed with an Escalus could recollect himself enough to inclination to favour my own half of the species. Whether it be that the women afford a form the following letter: more fruitful field for speculation, or whether they run more in my head than the men, I cannot tell; but I shall set down the charge as it is laid against me in the following letter.
"What happened the other day gives me lively image of the inconsistency of human passions and inclinations. We pursue what we are denied, and place our affections on what is absent, though we neglected it when present. As long as you refused my love your refusal did so strongly excite my passion,
that I had not once the leisure to think of re
calling my reason to aid me against the design upon your virtue. But when that virtue began to comply in my favour, my reason made an effort over my love, and let me see the baseness of my behaviour in attempting a woman of honour. I own to you, it was not without the most violent struggle that I gained this victory over myself; nay, I will confess my shame, and acknowledge, I could not have prevailed but by flight. However, madam, I beg that you will believe a moment's weakness has not destroyed the esteem I had for you, which was confirmed by so many years of obstinate virtue. You have reason to re
joice that this did not happen within the observation of one of the young fellows, who would have exposed your weakness, and glo
ried in his own brutish inclinations.
"I am, Madam,
"Your most devoted humble servant.' 'Isabella, with the help of her husband, returned the following answer:
'I always make one among a company of young females, who peruse your speculations every morning. I am at present commissioned by our whole assembly to let you know, that we fear you are a little inclined to be partial towards your own sex. We must however acknowledge, with all due gratitude, that in some cases you have given us our revenge on the men, and done us justice. We could not easily have forgiven you several strokes in the dissection of the coquette's heart, if you had not, much about the same time, made a sacri
fice to us of a beau's skull.
'You may further, sir, please to remember, that not long since you attacked our hoods and commodes in such a manner, as, to use your own expression, made very many of us ashamed to show our heads. We must therefore beg leave to represent to you, that we are in hopes, if you will please to make a due inquiry, the men in all ages would be found to have been little less whimsical in adorning that part than ourselves. The different forms of their wigs, together with the various cocks of their hats, all flatter us in this opinion.
'I had an humble servant last summer, who the first time he declared himself, was in a full-bottomed wig; but the day after, to my "I cannot but account myself a very happy no small surprise, he accosted me in a thin nawoman, in having a man for a lover that can tural one. I received him, at this our second write so well, and give so good a turn to a interview as a perfect stranger, but was exdisappointment. Another excellence you have tremely confounded when his speech discoverabove all other pretenders I ever heard of; on ed who he was. I resolved, therefore, to fix his occasions where the most reasonable men lose face in my memory for the future; but as I all their reason, you have yours most powerful. was walking in the Park the same evening, he We have each of us to thank our genius that appeared to me in one of those wigs that I the passion of one abated in proportion as think you call a night-cap, which had altered that of the other grew violent. Does it not him more effectually than before. He afteryet come into your head to imagine, that I wards played a couple of black riding wigs knew my compliance was the greatest cruelty upon me with the same success, and, in short, I could be guilty of towards you? In return assumed a new face almost every day in the for your long and faithful passion, I must let first month of his courtship. you know that you are old enough to become a little more gravity; but if you will leave me, and coquet it any where else, may your mistress yield. T. "ISABELLA."
'I observed afterwards, that the variety of cocks into which he moulded his hat had not a little contributed to his impositions upon me.
'Yet, as if all these ways were not sufficient to distinguish their heads, you must doubtless, sir, have observed, that great numbers of young fellows have, for several months last past, taken upon them to wear feathers.
'We hope, therefore, that these may, with as much justice, be called Indian princes, as you have styled a woman in a coloured hood an Indian queen; and that you will in due time take these airy gentlemen into consideration.
'We the more earnestly beg that you would
put a stop to this practice, since it has already with all the particulars of my intended dress ; lost us one of the most agreeable members of but will only tell you, as a sample of it, that our society, who, after having refused several I shall very speedily appear at White's in a good estates, and two titles, was lured from us cherry-coloured hat. I took this hint from last week by a mixed feather. the ladies' hoods, which I look upon as the
'I am ordered to present you with the res-boldest stroke that sex has struck for these pects of our whole company, and am, hundred years last past.
Your very humble servant,
I am, Sir,
most humble servant,
I have not time at present to make any re
Note. The person wearing the feather, though our friend took him for an officer in the guards, has proved to be an errant linen-flections on this letter; but must not however draper." omit that having shown it to Will Honeycomb, he desires to be acquainted with the gentleman who writ it.
I am not now at leisure to give my opinion upon the hat and feather: however, to wipe of the present imputation, and gratify my female correspondent, I shall here print a letter which No 320.] Friday, March 7, 1711-12.
I lately received from a man of mode, who seems to have a very extraordinary genius in his way.
non pronuba Juno,
Ovid. Met. Lib. 6. 428.
Nor Hymen, nor the Graces here preside,
• MR. SPECTATOR,
'I presume I need not inform you, that among men of dress it is a common phrase to say, "Mr. Such-a-one has struck a bold stroke;" by which we understand, that he is the first man who has had courage enough to 'Yon have given many hints in your papers lead up a fashion. Accordingly, when our tai- to the disadvantage of persons of your own sex, lors take measure of us, they always demand who lay plots upon women. Among other hard "whether we will have a plain suit, or strike words you have published the term "Male Coa bold stroke?" I think I may without vanity quets," and been very severe upon such as give say, that I have struck some of the boldest and themselves the liberty of a little dalliance of most successful strokes of any man in Great heart, and playing fast and loose between love Britain. I was the first that struck the long and indifference, until perhaps an easy young pocket about two years since; I was likewise girl is reduced to sighs, dreams, and tears, and the author of the frosted button, which when I saw the town come readily into, being resolved to strike while the iron was hot, I produced much about the same time the scallop flap, the knotted cravat,, and made a fair push for the silver-clocked stocking.
'A few months after I brought up the modish jacket, or the coat with close sleeves. I struck this at first in a plain Doily; but that failing, I struck it a second time in blue camlet, and repeated the stroke in several kinds of cloth, until at last it took effect. There are two or three young fellows at the other end of the town who have always their eye upon me, and answer me stroke for stroke. I was once so unwary as to mention my fancy in relation to a new-fashioned surtout before one of these gentlemen, who was disingenous enough to steal my thought, and by that means prevented my intended stroke.
languishes away her life for a careless coxcomb, who looks astonished, and wonders at such an effect from what in him was all but common civility. Thus you have treated the men who are irresolute in marriage; but if you design to be impartial, pray be so honest as to print the information I now give you of a certain set of women who never coquet for the matter, but, with a high hand, marry whom they please to whom they please. As for my part, I should not have concerned myself with them, but that I understand I am pitched upon by them to be married, against my will, to one I never saw in my life. It has been my misfortune, sir, very innocently, to rejoice in a plentiful fortune, of which I am master, to bespeak a fine chariot, to give directions for two or three handsome snuff-boxes, and as many suits of fine clothes; but before any of these were ready I heard reports of my being to be married to 'I have a design this spring to make very two or three different young women. Upon considerable innovations in the waistcoat; and my taking notice of it to a young gentleman have already begun with a coup d'essai upon who is often in my company, he told me smiling the sleeves, which has succeeded very well. I was in the inquisition. You may believe I 'I must further inform you, if you will pro-was not a little startled at what he meant, and mise to encourage, or at least to connive at more so, when he asked me if I had bespoke me, that it is my design to strike such a stroke the beginning of the next month as shall surprise the whole town.
'I do not think it prudent to acquaint you
* Only an ensign in the train-bands. Spect. in folio.
any thing of late that was fine, I told him several; upon which he produced a description of my person, from the tradesmen whom I had employed, and told me that they had certainly informed against me. Mr. Spectator, whatever the world may think of me, I am more coxcomb
"This is to let you know, that you are to be married to a beau that comes out on Thursday, six in the evening. Be at the Park. You cannot but know a virgin fop; they have a mind to look saucy, but are out of countenance. The board has denied him to several good families. I wish you joy,
than fool, and I grew very inquisitive upon this men, bottle companions, his fraternity of fops, head, not a little pleased with the novelty. shall be brought into the conspiracy against My friend told me, there were a certain set of him. Then this matter is not laid in so barewomen of fashion, whereof the number of six faced a manner before him as to have it inmade a committee, who sat thrice a week, under timated, Mrs. Such-a-one would make him a the title of "The Inquisition on Maids and very proper wife; but, by the force of their Bachelors." It seems, whenever there comes correspondence, they shall make it (as Mr. such an unthinking gay thing as myself to town, Waller said of the marriage of the dwarfs) as he must want all manner of necessaries, or be impracticable to have any woman besides her put into the inquisition by the first tradesman they design him, as it would have been in he employs. They have constant intelligence Adam to have refused Eve. The man namwith cane-shops, perfumers, toymen, coach-ed by the commission for Mrs. Such-a-one makers, and china-houses. From these several shall neither be in fashion, nor dare ever applaces these undertakers for marriages have as pear in company, should he attempt to evade constant and regular correspondence as the fu- their determination. neral-men have with vintners and apothecaries. The female sex wholly govern domestic life; All bachelors are under their immediate in-and by this means when they think fit, they spection and my friend produced to me a re- can sow dissentions between the dearest friends, port given in to their board, wherein an old nay, make father and son irreconcilable eneuncle of mine, who came to town with me, and mies, in spite of all the ties of gratitude on myself were inserted, and we stood thus the one part, and the duty of protection to be paid uncle smoky, rotten, poor; the nephew raw, on the other. The ladies of the inquisition but no fool; sound at present, very rich. My understand this perfectly well; and where love information did not end here; but my friend's is not a motive to a man's choosing one whom advices are so good, that he could show me a they allot, they can with very much art insicopy of the letter sent to the young lady who nuate stories to the disadvantage of his honesty is to have me; which I enclose to you: or courage, until the creature is too much dispirited to bear up against a general ill reception, which he every where meets with, and in due time falls into their appointed wedlock for shelter. I have a long letter bearing date the fourth instant, which gives me a large account of the politics of this court; and find there is now before them a very refractory person who has escaped all their machinations for two years last past; but they have prevented two successive matches which were of his own inclination; the one by a report that What makes my correspondent's case the his mistress was to be married, and the very more deplorable is, that, as I find by the re-day appointed, wedding-clothes bought, and port from my censor of marriages, the friend all things ready for her being given to anhe speaks of is employed by the inquisition to other; the second time by insinuating to all take him in, as the phrase is. After all that his mistress's friends and acquaintance, that is told him, he has information only of one wo- he had been false to several other women, and man that is laid for him, and that the wrong the like. The poor man is now reduced to one; for the lady commissioners have devoted profess he designs to lead a single life; but him to another than the person against whom the inquisition give out to all his acquaintance, they have employed their agent his friend to that nothing is intended but the gentleman's alarm him. The plot is laid so well about this own welfare and happiness. When this is young gentleman, that he has no friend to re- urged, he talks still more humbly, and protests tire to, no place to appear in, or part of the he aims only at a life without pain or reproach; kingdom to fly into, but he must fall into the pleasure, honour, and riches, are things for notice, and be subject to the power of the in-which he has no taste. But notwithstanding quisition. They have their emissaries and sub- all this, and what else he may defend himself stitutes in all parts of this united kingdom. with, as that the lady is too old or too young, The first step they usually take, is to find from of a suitable humour, or the quite contrary, a correspondence, by their messengers and and that it is impossible they can ever do other whisperers, with some domestic of the bache-than wrangle from June to January, every bolor (who is to be hunted into the toils they dy tells him all this is spleen, and he must have have laid for him), what are his manners, his a wife; while all the members of the inquisifamiliarities, his good qualities, or vices; not tion are unanimous in a certain woman for as the good in him is a recommendation, or him, and they think they altogether are better the ill a diminution, but as they affect to con- able to judge than he, or any other private tribute to the main inquiry, what estate he person whatsoever. has in him. When this point is well reported to the board, they can take in a wild roaring Temple, March 3, 1711. fox-hunter, as easily as a soft, gentle young Your speculations this day on the subject fop of the town. The way is to make all places of idleness has employed me, ever since I read uneasy to him, but the scenes in which they it, in sorrowful reflections on my having loitered have allotted him to act. His brother hunts-away the term (or rather the vacation) of ten VOL. II.