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very well known, that the inquiry has not been made into the ftate of mind of the deceased, but into his fortune and family. The law has indeed provided, that the deliberate Self-murderer fhould be treated like a brute, and denied the rites of burial: but among hundreds of Lunatics by purchase, I never knew this fentence executed but on one poor cobler, who hanged himself in his own ftall. A pennylefs poor wretch, who has not left enough to defray the funeral charges, may perhaps be excluded the churchyard; but Self-murder by a pistol genteelly mounted, or the Paris-hilted fword, qualifies the polite owner for a fudden death, and entitles him to a pompous burial, and a monument fet ting forth his virtues, in Westminster Abbey.

The caufe of thefe frequent Selfmurders among us has been generally imputed to the peculiar temperature of our climate. Thus a dull day is looked upon as a natural order of execution; and Englishmen muft neceffarily fhoot, hang, and drown themselves in November. That our fpirits are in fome mea. fure influenced by the air, cannot be denied ; but we are not fuch inere barometers, as to be driven to defpair and death by the small degree of gloom that our winter brings with it. If we have not fo much funfhine as fome countries in the world, we have infinitely more than many others; and I do not hear that men difpatch themselves in dozens in Ruffia or Sweden, or that they are unable to keep up their fpirits even in the total darkness of Greenland. Our climate exempts us from many diseases to which other more fouthern nations are naturally fubject; and I can never be perfuaded, that being born near the North-pole is a phyfical cause for Selfmurder.

Defpair, indeed, is the natural caufe of thefe fhocking actions; but this is commonly despair brought on by wilful extravagance and debauchery. These firft involve men in difficulties, and then death at once delivers them of their lives and their cares. For my part, when I fee a young profligate wantonly fquandering his fortune in bagnios or at the gaming-table, I cannot help looking on him as haftening his own death, and in a manner digging his own grave. As be is at last induced to kill himself by

motives arifing from his vices, I confider him as dying of some disease, which thofe vices naturally produce. If his extravagance has been chiefly in luxurious eating and drinking, I imagine him poifoned by his wines, or forfeited by a favourite difh; and if he has thrown away his eftate in bawdy-houfes, I conclude him destroyed by rottenness and filthy difeafes.

Another real and principal cause of the frequency of Suicide, is the noble fpirit of Free-thinking, which has diffufed itself among all ranks of people. The libertine of fashion has too refined a tafle to trouble himself at all about a foul or an hereafter: but the vulgar infidel is at wonderful pains to get rid of his Bible, and labours to perfuade himfelf out of his religion. For this pur pofe he attends conftantly at the Difputant Societies, where he hears a great deal about free-will, free-agency, and predeftination; till at length he is convinced, that man is at liberty to do as he pleafes, lays his misfortunes to the charge of Providence, and comforts himself that he was inevitably destined to be tied up in his own garters. The courage of thefe heroes proceeds from the fame principles, whether they fail by their own hands, or those of Jack Ketch: the Suicide, of whatever rank, looks death in the face without fhrinking; as the gallant rogue affects an easy unconcern under Tyburn, throws away the pfalm-book, bids the cart drive off with an oath, and fwings like a gentleman.

If this madness should continue to grow more and more epidemical, it will be expedient to have a Bill of Suicide, diftinct from the common Bill of Mortality, brought in yearly; in which fhould be fet down the number of Suicides, their methods of deftroying themfelves, and the likely caufes of their doing fo. In this, I believe, we should find but few martyrs to the weather; but their deaths would commonly be imputed to defpair, produced by fome caufes fimilar to the following. In the little fketch of a Bill of Suicide underneath, I have left blanks for the date of the year, as well as for the number of Self-murderers, their manner of dying, &c. which would naturally be filled up by the proper perfons, if ever this fcheme fiould be put in execution.

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N° LI. THURSDAY, JANUARY 16, 1755.

ADDE QUOD ABSUMUNT VIRES, PEREUNTQUE LABORE;
ADDE QUOD ALTERIUS SUB NUTU DEGITUR ÆTAS,
LABITUR INTEREĄ RES, ET VADIMONIA FIUNT,

LANGUENT OFFICIA, ATQUE ÆGROTAT FAMA VACILLANS.

LUCRET,

WHEN HAUGHTY MISTRESSES OUR SOULS ENTHRALL,
THEY WASTE OUR STRENGTH, OUR FORTUNE, FAME, AND ALLI
MORTGAGE ON MORTGAGE LOADS THE BANKRUPT CULL,
WHO GIVES UP WEALTH AND HONOUR FOR A TRULL.

SINCE
INCE pleafure is almoft the only
pursuit of a Fine Gentleman, it is
very neceffary, for the maintaining his
confequence and character, that he
fhould have a Girl in Keeping. In-
triguing with women of fashion, and
debauching tradefmen's daughters, na-
turally happen in the common courfe of
gallantry; but this convenient female,
to fill up the intervals of bufinefs, is
the principal mark of his fuperior tafte
and quality, Every priggith clerk to
an attorney, or pert apprentice, can
throw away his occafional guinea in Co-
vent Garden; but the fhortness of their
finances will not permit them to perfe-
yere in debauchery with the air and
fpirit of a man of quality. The Kept
Miftrefs, which thofe half-reprobates
dare not think of, is a constant part of
the retinue of a compleat Fine Gentle-
man; and is, indeed, as indifpenfable
a part of his equipage, as a French Va-
let de chambre, or a four-wheeled po
chaife.

It was formerly the fashion among the ladies to keep a monkey: at that time every woman of quality thought herfelf obliged to follow the mode; and even the merchants wives in the city had their fashionable pugs, to play tricks and break china. A Girl in Keeping is as difagreeable to fome of our men of

pleasure, as pug was to fome ladies;
but they must have one to spend money
and do mifchief, that they may be
reckoned young fellows of fpirit. Hence
it happens, that many gentlemen main-
tain girls, who in fact are little more
than their nominal miftreffes; for they
fee them as feldom, and behave to them
with as much indifference, as if they
were their wives: however, as the wo-
man in a manner bears their name, and
is maintained by them, they may appear
in the world with the genteel character
of a Keeper. I have known several
gentlemen take great pains to heighten
their reputation in this way; and turn
off a firft miftrefs, merely because the
was not fufficiently known, for the fake
of a celebrated woman of the town, a
dancer, or an actress: and it is always
the first step of an Englishman of fashion,
after his arrival at Paris, to take one of
the Filles d'Opera under his protection,
It was but the other day, that Florio
went abroad, and left his girl to roll
about the town in a chariot, with an
unlimited order on his banker; and al-
most as foon as he got to France, took
a fmart girl off the ftage, to make as
genteel a figure at Paris,
In short, as
a gentleman keeps running horfes, goes
to White's, and gets into parliament,
for the name of the thing; fo muft he

Pa

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likewife have his Kept Miftrefs, because it is the fashion: and I was mightily pleafed with hearing a gentleman once boaft, that he lived like a man of quality: For, fays he, I have a poftchaife, and never ride in it; I have a wife, and never fee her; and I keep a miftrefs, and never lie with her.' But if thefe fort of Keepers, who never care a farthing for their miftreffes, are to be laughed at, those who are really fond of their Dulcineas are to be pitied. The most hen-pecked husband that ever bore the grievous yoke of a fhrew, is not half so miferable, as a man who is fubject to the humours and unaccountable caprice of a cunning flut who finds him in her power. Her behaviour will continually give him new occafion of jealoufy; and perhaps he will really difpenfe her favours to every rake in town, that will bid up to her price. She will fimile when the wants money; be infolent when the does not; and, in short, leave no artifice untried to plague his heart, and drain his pocket. A friend of mine ufed conftantly to rail at the flavish condition of married men, and the tyranny of petticoat government: he therefore prudently refolved to live an uncontrouled bachelor, and for that reafon pitched upon a country girl, who fhould ferve him as an handmaid. Determining to keep her in a very fnug and retired manner, he had even calculated how much he would fave him in curtailing his ordinary expences at taverns and bagnios: but this fcheme of œconomy did not last long; for the artful iade foon contrived to wind her clofe into his eafy heart,' and inveigled him to maintain her in all the fplendor and eclat of a first-rate lady of pleafure. He at firft treated her with all the indifference of a fashionable hufband: but as foon as the found herfelf to be entire miftrefs of his affections, it is furprising to think what pains the took to bring him to the most abject compliance with all her whimfies, and to tame him to the patient thing he now is. A frown on his part would frequently coft him a brocade, and a tear • from her was fure to extort a new hand. kerchief or an apron. Upon any flight quarrel- he would leave him that moment-and though the baggage had more cunning than to hazard an intrigue with any one elfe, he would work upon his jealoufy, by continually twitting

him with She knew a gentleman, who would fcorn to ufe her fo barbarou flyand fhe would go to him-if the could be fure fhe was not with child.-This laft circumftance was a coup de reserve, which never failed to bring about a reconciliation: nay, I have known her make great use of breeding qualms upon occafion; and things were once come to fuch an extremity, that she was even forced to have recourse to a fham mifcarriage to prevent their feparation. He has often been heard to declare, that if ever he had a child by her, it fhould take it's chance at the Foundling Hospital. He had lately an opportunity of putting this to a trial: but the bare hinting such a barbarous defign threw the lady into hysterics. However, he was determined, that the babe, as soon as it was born, fhould be put out to nurie-he hated Well! madam the fquall of children. was brought to bed; the could not bear the dear infant out of her fight; and it would kill her not to fuckle it herself. The father was therefore obliged to comply; and an acquamtance caught him the other morning ftirring the pap, holding the clouts before the fire, and (in a word) dwindled into a mere nurse.

Such is the transformation of this Kind Keeper, whofe character is ftill more ridiculous than that of a Fondlewife among hufbands. The amours, indeed, of thefe fond fouls commonly end one of thefe two ways: they either find themselves deferted by their mistress, when he has effectually ruined their conftitution and estate; or after as many years cohabitation as would have tired them of a wife, they grow fo doatingly fond of their whore, that by marriage they make her an honest woman, and perhaps a lady of quality.

But the most unpardonable fort of Keepers are Married Men, and Old Men. I will give the reader a short fketch of each of these characters, and leave him to judge for himself.

Cynthio about two years ago was married to Clarinda, one of the finest women in the world. Her temper and difpofition was as agreeable as her perfon, and her chief endeavour was to please her husband. But Cynthio's folly and vanity foon got the better of his conftancy and gratitude; and it was not fix months after his marriage, before he took a girl he was formerly acquainted with into keeping. His dear Polly ufes

him

him like a dog; and he is cruel enough to revenge the ill treatment he receives from her upon his wife. He feldom vifits her, but when his wench has put him out of humour; and once, though indeed unknowingly, communicated to her a filthy difeafe, for which he was obliged to his mistress. Yet is he ftill fo infatuated as to doat on this vile huffy, and wishes it in his power to annul his marriage, and legitimate his baftards by Polly. Though it is palpable to every one but Cynthio, that Polly has no attraction hut the name of Mistress, and Clarinda no fault but being his Wife.

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Thus Sir Thrifty lives, curfed by his own fons, jilted by his miftrefs, and lan ghed at by the rest of the world.

It is very diverting to obferve the fhifts to which perfons in middling or low life are reduced, in order to bear this new incumbrance, with which they fometimes chufe to load themselves. The extravagance of a girl has put many a clerk on defrauding his mafter, fent many a diftrefied gentleman's watch to the pawnbroker's, and his cloaths to Monmouth Street, as well as the poor gentleman himself to the gaming table, or perhaps to Hounflow Heath. I know a Templar, who always keeps a girl for the first month after he receives his allowance; at the end of which his poverty obliges him to difcard her, and live on mutton-chops and porter for the rest of the quarter: and it was but lately that my mercer difcovered his apprentice to be concerned with two others in an affociation for maintaining one trull common to the whole three.

This review of one of the chief fources of extravagance, in the higher and middling walks of life, will help us to account for the frequent mortgages and diftreffes in families of fashion, and the

Sir Thrifty Gripe is arrived at his grand climacteric, and has just taken a girl into keeping. Till very lately the multiplication-table was his rule of life, and a penny faved is a penny got,' was his favourite maxim. But he has fuddenly deferted Wingate for Rochester, and the Change for Covent Garden. Here he met with the buxom Charlotte, who at once opened his heart and his purfe, and foon began to fcatter his guineas in paying her debts, and fupplying her fresh expences. Her equipage is as genteel and elegant as that of a duchefs; and the wife men in the Al-numerous bankruptcies in trade. Here ley thake their heads at Sir Thrifty, as the greateft fpendthrift in town. Sir Thrifty was formerly married to a merchant's daughter, who brought him a fortune of 20,cool. but after he had two fons by him, he fent her into the North of Wales to live cheap, and prevent the probable expence of more children. His fons were obliged to an uncle for education; and Sir Thrifty now fcarce allows them enough to fupport them. His miftrefs and he almoft al. ways appear together at public places, where the conftantly makes a jeft of him, while the old dotard dangles at her elhow, like January by the fude of May.

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alfo I cannot help obferving, that in this cafe, the mifbehaviour of the women is, in a great meafure, to be charged to the men: for how can it be expected that a lady fhould take any pleasure in difcharging the domeftic duties of a wife, when the fees her husband's affections placed abroad? Nothing, indeed, can be advanced in vindication of loofe conduct in the fair fex; but confidering our modern morals, it is furely not much to be wondered at, when the husband openly affronts his family by keeping a wench, if the wife alfo takes care to provide herself a gallant.

N

N° LII. THURSDAY, JANUARY 23, 1755.

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SO FAIR IN FEATURE, AND SO SMOOTH HIS CHIN,
QUITE TO UNMAN HIM NOTHING WANTS BUT THIS;
PUT HIM IN COATS, AND HE'S A VERY MISS.

- N ON ILLA COLLO CALATHISYE MINERVE TEMINEAS ASSUZTA MANUS.

VIRG.

SEE THE SHE-RAKE HER SOFTER SEX DISOWN:
THE BREECHES MORE BECOME HER THAN THE GOWN.

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ROCKS, defarts, wilds, waftes, favages, and barbarians, make up the fum total of the odious country. I am juft returned from a visit there; and would not pafs another three weeks in the fame way to be lord of the manor.

Having received frequent invitations from Sir Sampfon Five-bars, and having heard much of the beauty of his three fifters, in an evil hour I took a refolution to facrifice this Christmas to him at his feat in Wiltshire. I flattered myfelf with the hopes that the novelty and oddnefs of the fcene would ferve me at least to laugh at; and that if the ruftics were not mere ftocks and tones, my cloaths and difcourfe would have taught them to talk and drefs like human creatures. Need I tell you that I was difappointed? Sir Sampson is what the country people call an hearty man: he has the fhape and constitution of a porter, and is furdy enough to encounter Broughton without mufflers; when he fpeaks, thunder breaks; he hunts almost every morning, and takes a toaft and tankard for his breakfaft. You may eafily imagine that what was pleafure to him must be torture to me; and, indeed, I would as foon draw in a mill, er carry a chair for my diverfion, as

follow any of their horrid country amufements. But Sir Sampfon, out of his abundant good-nature, infifted on lending me a gun, and fhewing me a day's fport of fhooting. For this purpose he loaded me with an huge gun, threw a bag and pouch acrofs my fhoulders, and made me look for all the world like Robinson Crufoe! After I had followed him through woods, and thickets, and briars, and brambles, a fervant, who was with

us, hollowed out, Mark! when the baronet's gun went off to fuddenly, that it threw me into a fwoon; and at laft I could hardly be convinced that Sir Sampfon had hot nothing but a wood

cock.

After this you will conclude that I was not prevailed on to hunt. Once, indeed, Mifs Fanny did, tempt me to accompany her on a morning-ride; but even of this I heartily repented. Mifs Fanny, I found, valued neither hedge nor ditch, has the ftrength of a chair. woman, and in fhort is more like Trulla in Hudibras, or Boadicea in the play, than a woman of fashion. Unluckily too, the horse I rode was fkittish and unruly; fo that while I was fcampering after Mifs Fanny, a fudden start brought me to the ground. I received no hurt, but the fall so fluttered my spirits, that Mifs Fanny was obliged to take me up behind her. When we arrived at the houfe, I was in the utmost confusion; for the booby fervants flood gaping and grinning at my distress; and Sir Sampfon helf told me, with a laugh as horrible as Caliban's, that he would lend me one of his maids, to carry me out an airing every morning.

Befides

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