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While one as innocent regards
REPORT OF AN ADJUDGED CASE,
NOT TO BE FOUND IN ANY OF THE BOOKS.
WILLIAM COW PER BETWEEN Nose and Eyes a strange contest arose,
The spectacles set them unhappily wrong;
To which the said spectacles ought to belong.
So Tongue was the lawyer, and argued the cause
With a great deal of skill, and a wig full of learning; While chief baron Ear sat to balance the laws,
So famed for his talent in nicely discerning. In behalf of the Nose it will quickly appear,
And your lordship, he said, will undoubtedly find, That the Nose has had spectacles always to wear,
Which amounts to possession time out of mind. Then holding the spectacles up to the court
Your lordship observes they are made with a straddle As wide as the ridge of the Nose is; in short,
Designed to sit close to it, just like a saddle. Again, would your lordship a moment suppose
('Tis a case that has happened, and may be again) That the visage or countenance had not a nose,
Pray who would, or who could, wear spectacles then? On the whole it appears, and my argument shows,
With a reasoning the court will never condemn,
And the Nose was as plainly intended for them.
Then shifting his side (as a lawyer knows how),
He pleaded again in behalf of the Eyes;
For the court did not think they were equally wise.
So his lordship decreed with a grave solemn tone,
Decisive and clear, without one if or but-
By daylight or candlelight—Eyes should be shut !
HOLY WILLIE'S PRAYER.*
O Thou, wha in the heavens dost dwell,
A’ for thy glory,
They've done afore thee!
I bless and praise thy matchless might,
For gifts an' grace,
To a' this place.
• Kennedy gives the following account of the origin of " Holy Willie's Prayer:"--Gavin Hamilton, Esq., Clerk of Ayr, the Poet's friend and benefactor, was accosted one Sunday morning by a mendicant, who begged alms of bim. Not recollecting that it was the Sabbath, Hamilton set the man to work in his garden, which lay on the public road, and the poor fellow was discovered by the people on their way to the kirk, and they immediately stoned him from the ground. For this offense, Mr. Hamilton was not permitted to have a child christened, which his wife bore him soon afterward, until he applied to the synod. His most officious opponent was William Fisher, one of the elders of the church : and to revenge the insult to his friend, Burns made him the subject of this humorous ballad.
What was I, or my generation,
For broken laws,
Thro' Adam's cause.
When frae my mither's womb I fell,
In burnin' lake,
, Chain'd to a stake.
Yet I am here a chosen sample;
Strong as a rock,
To a' thy flock.
[OL-d, thou kens what zeal I bear, When drinkers drink, and swearers swear, And singing there, and dancing here,
Wi' great and sına'; For I am keepit by thy fear,
Free frae them a'.]
But yet, 0 L-d! confess I must,
Vile self gets in;
Defil'd in sin.
May be thou lets this fleshly thorn
'Cause he's sae gifted; If sae, thy han' maun e'en be borne,
Until thou lift it.
—d, bless thy chosen in this place,
And blast their name, Wha bring thy elders to disgrace
And public shame.
Ld, mind Gawn Hamilton's deserts,
Wi' great and sma', Frae G-d's ain priests the people's hearts
He steals awa'.
An' whan we chasten'd him therefore,
O' laughin' at us;
Kail and potatoes.
1-d, hear my earnest cry and pray'r,
Upo' their heads,
For their misdeeds.
OL-d my G-d, that glib-tongu'd Aiken,
And swat wi' dread,
And hid his head.
1-d, in the day of vengeance try him, Ld, visit them wha did employ him, And pass not in thy mercy by 'em,
Nor hear their pray'r; But for thy people's sake destroy 'em,
And dinna spare.
But, 1—d, remember me and mine,
Excell’d by nane,
EPITAPH ON HOLY WILLIE.
Here Holy Willie's sair worn clay
Taks up its last abode;
I fear, the left-hand road.
Stop! there he is, as sure 's a gun,
Poor, silly body, see him; Nae wonder he's as black 's the grun
Observe wha's standing wi' him!
Your brunstane devilship, I see,
Till ance ye've heard my story.
Your pity I will not implore,
For pity ye hae nane!
And mercy's day is gane.