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who were originally designed to manifest pains than packing the cards or cogging their talents for elocution in Westmin- the dice, and no more risk than being fter Hall, have displayed them in Drury sometimes tweaked by the nose, or kickLane; and it may be added, on thea- ed out of company : besides which, this trical authority, that

Profession daily receives new lustre from Not e'en Attorneys have this rage with

the many persons of quality that follow

it, and croud into it with as much eaftood, Butchang'd their pens for truncheons, ink

gervess as into the army. Among for blood,

Gamesters may also be found Lawyers, And, strange reverse ! - dy'd for their who get more by being matters of all the country's good.

Cases in Hoyle, than by their know

ledge of those recorded in the reportI will not so far affront those gentle. books; Physicians, the chief object of men, who were ever engaged in the study whose attention is the circulation of the of the three honourable Profesiions of E O table; and Divines, who, we may Law, Phyfic, and Divinity, as to sup. fuppose, were hinted at by a famous wie pofe that any of them have ever taken in a certain assembly, when, among the np the more fashionable employment of other benefits resulting from a double a Pimp: yet it is certain, that this is a tax upon dice, he thought fit to enuvery common and hicrative Profession, merate, that it might pollibiy prevent and that very many provide themselves the Clergy from playing at back-gamwith the necessaries of life, by adminiftering to the pleasures of others. A But the more danger the more hoconvenient coufin, sifter, or wife, has nour; and therefore no Profession is more sometimes proved the chief means of honourable than that of an highwayman. making a fortune; and the tongue of Who the followers of this Profession are, llander has often ventured to affirm, and with what success they practise it, that the price of procuration has been I will not pretend to relate; as the inepaid with a place or a bishoprick. moirs of several of them have been al

The most advantageous and genteel ready penned by the Ordinary of Newof all Profeffions is Gaming. Who- gate, and as it is to be hoped that the ever will make this science his study, lives of all the present practitioners will wil find it the readiest way to riches, be written hereafter by that faithful hisand most certain passport to the best com- torian. I shall, therefore, only say, pany: for the polite world will always that the present fpirit of diffoluteness and adinit any one to their fociety, who will free-thinking must unavoidably bring condescend to win their money. The this honourable Profession, more and followers of this Profession are very nu- more into vogue, and that every Sessions merous : which is, indeed, no wonder, may foon be expected to afford an inwhen we reflect on the numbers it fup- stance of a Gentleman Highwayman. ports in ease and aMuence, at no greater





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order to devise means of repairing their sidering the mean and ridiculous finances. Such attempts to enlarge their Mifts to which the extravagant are some- revenue have frequently driven those, times reduced. When the certain sup- wliofe great fouls would not be curbed plies of a regular income are exhausted, by the itraitness of their circumstances, they are obliged to calt about for ready into very uncommon undertakings : they ush, and fet the invention to work, in have sent lords to Arthur's, and ladies

to assemblies, or sometimes worse places. jewels and costly trinkets: but I could We may safely conclude, that whoever not help remarking, that at their return breaks through all æconomy, will soon they were all diverted of their finery; discard honesty: though perhaps it might and several had even their gowns and be deemed Scandalum Magnatúm to coats stript off their backs. A lady, aver, that prodigal men of quality have who strutted up in a rich brocaded fuit, often fold their country to redeem their sneaked back again in an ordinary stuff estates, and that extravagant ladies have night.gown: a second retreated with the been known to make up the deficiencies lors of a diamond solitaire and pearl of their pin-money by pilfering and lar- necklace; and a third, who had bundled ceny.

up her whole stock of linen, scarce escapOne of the first and chief resources of ed with what she had upon her back. 'I extravagance, both in high and low life, observed several gentlemen, who brought is the Pawnbroker's. I never pass by their sideboards of plate, to be melted one of these shops, without considering down, as it were, into current specie : them as the repositories of half the jewels, many had their pockets dilburthened of plate, &c. in town. It is true, indeed, their watches ; and some, even among that the honest and industrious are some the military gentlemen, were obliged to times forced to supply their necessities deliver up their swords. Others of the by this method : but if we were to in- company marched up, heavy laden with quire, to whom the several articles in pictures, houfhold goods, and domestic these miscellaneous warehouses belong, utensils : one carried a spit; another we should find the greatest part of them brandished a gridiron; a third flourished to be the property of the idle and infa- a frying-pan; while a fourth brought mous among the vulgar, or the prodigal to my remembrance the old sign of the and luxurious among the great, and it, Dog's Head in the Porridge-pot. I in imitation of the ancients, who placed faw several trot up merrily with their the Temple of Honour behind the Tem- chairs, tables, and other furniture : but ple of Virtue, propriety should be at- I could not help pitying one poor createmipted in the lituation of Pawnbrokers ture among the rest, who after having shops, they would be placed contiguous itript his whole house, even to his fea. to a gin-Hop, as in the ingenious print ther-bed, italked along like a Lockof Hogarth; or behind a tavern, gam- patient, wrapped up in the blankets, ing-house, or bagnio.

while his wife accompanied him doing Going home late last Saturday night, penance in the sheets. I was witness to a curious dialogue at As I was naturally curious to see the the door of one of these houses. An inside of the receptacle where all these honest journeyman carpenter, whose various spoils were deposited, I stepped wife, it seems, had pawned his belt up to the hatch; and meeting a grave cloaths, having juit received his week's old gentleman at the threshold, I desired pay, was come to redeem them; but, it him to inform me what place it was, being past twelve o'clock, the man of and what business was transacted there. the house, who kept up the conversation He very courteously took me by the by means of a litile grate in the door, hand, and leading ine through a dark refused to deliver them; though the poor passage, brought me into a spacious hall, carpenter begged hard for his holiday which he told me was the Temple of floaths, as the morrow was Easter Sun- Ufury, and that he himself was the day. This accident led me to reflect chief priest of it. One part of this buildon the various persons in town who ing was hung round with all kinds of carry on this kind of commerce with the apparel, like the fale-Shops in Mon. Pawnbrokers, and gave occasion to the mouth Street; another was strewed with following Dream.

a variety of goods, and resembled the I was scarce asleep, before I found brokers shops in Harp Alley; and anmyself at the entrance of a blind alley, other part was.furnithed with such an terminated by a little hatch; where I immense quantity of jewels and rich faw a vast concourse of people, of dif- plate, that I should rather have fancied ferent ages, sex, and condition, going myself in the Church of the Lady of in and coming out. Some of these I Loretto. All these, my guide infórmobserved, as they went up, very richly ed me, were the offerings of that crowd, dresled; and others were adorned with which I had seen resorting to this Tem.



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ple. The Churches in Roman Catholic never got further than Boulogne: and countries have commonly a cross fixed (that sword, with the rich filigree hilt upon them; the Chinese erect dragons ' and elegantly-fancied sword-knot with and hang bells about their Pagods; and • gold tassels, once dangled at the side the Turkish Mosques are distinguished • of a spirited Buck; who left it here by crescents; but I could vot help tak. years ago, when he went off in a ing particular notice, that this Temple great hurry, to take poffeffion of a of Usury had it's vestibule adorned with • large estate in his native country, Irethree wooden balls painted blue; the land, whence he is not yet returned. mystery of which, I was told, was as • You may see many others of the e indark and unfathomable as the Pytha- • struments of death, which rust peacegorean number, or the secret doctrines' fully in their scabbards, as being of of Trisinegift.

no use whatever to their owners : that When I had in some measure satisfied • which commonly hangs upon the vamy curiosity, in taking a general survey cant peg there, belongs, you must of the Temple, my instructor led me to • know, to a noble captain : it is called an interior corner of it, where the most upon duty once a month, and is at fplendid offerings were spread upon á • this instant mounting guard at St. large altar. This bauble,' said he, James's.' Thewing me an elegant sprig of dia. Not far from these rich ornaments monds,' is an aigret, feni in last week hung several embroidered coats, laced

by a lady of quality, who has ever waistcoats, Point d'Espagne hats, &c. • lince kept home, with her head muf. • This suit,' said my venerable in

fled up in a double clout, for a pre. structor, pointing to one richly embroi, "tended fit of the tooth-ache. She has, dered,

was made


for a noble lord at different times, made an offering of on the last Birth-day, and conveyed • all her jewels: and, besides these, her • hither the very next morning after he

whole wardrobe was very lately lodged " had appeared at court. • here, which threw her into an hysteric • waistcoat with the gold worked butfever, and confined her to her bed. • ton- holes, on the next peg, was the

gown for upwards of a month. Those property of a smart Templar, who, • ear-rings and other jewels, are the pa- • having spent a night out of his cham

raphernalia of a young bride ; who .' bers, lent his waistcoat hither in the ' was so conitant a votary to this place, ' morning, as a penitential offering, by • that, when nothing else remained for • his landlady. As to that heap of

an offering, the even brought in her camblet gowns, checked aprons, and

wedding-ring. You may be surpriz- o coloured handkerchiefs, which you .ed, perhaps, to behold such a variety • fee struny together a little further off, • of necklaces, girdle - buckles, foli- they are oblations made here by a lect ! taires, and other female ornaments, " of maudlin votaries, who relort to

as are here collected: but it is ob- • this Temple to pay their devotions to • servable, that their devotions in the a Goddess, whom they have chriltenTemple of Usury have been chiefly red Madam Gin, but whom they fome6

encouraged and kept alive by their times honour with the more proper . affisting at the midnight orgies of appellation of Strip Me Naked. ' Avarice.

While my conductor was thus relatNor are the gentlemen,' continued ing the history of the various offerings, he, less encouragers of our rites. That and the persons who had made them, he

gold watch lait snug, for a confider- was suddenly called aside to a dark • able time, in the fob of a young man closet; several of which were erected • of quality; but it was one night jerk- near the entrance, and appeared not un• ed out by a single throw of the dice at like the confessionals of the Romilh • a gaming-table, and made it's way priests. These little boxes, I found, ' into the pocket of a stranger, who were appointed to receive the votaries ' placed it here to keep company with who came to pay their devotions, and • leveral others brought hither on a fimi- make their offerings : but the necessary

lar occasion. Those brilliant buckles rites and ceremonies were commonly foonce glittered on the shoes of a very lemnized with as much caution and pri

pretty fellow, who set out last winter vacy, as the mytteries of the Bona Dea ! on his travels into foreign parts, but among the Romans. At present, how: ever, there was a greater noise and huh. These matters were scarce adjusted, bub than usual. A person of the first before an unexpe Eted incident filled the rank in the kingdon, who had made whole Temple with confusion and dif. Come very considerable oblations of gold turbance. A rude tribe of officers broke and silver plate, was now about 10 ce- in upon us, put a stop to the rites, and debrate a feast in honour of Bacchus, in seized the chief priest himself, charging which, as these rich utenlils would be him with having profaned the place by requisite, he prayed to have the use of a crime almost as infamous as lacrilege. them.' The chief prielt, after having He was accused of having encouraged received the customary fee, granted a robbers to strip the citizens of their most dispensation for this purpose, and load. valuable effects, and for a small reward ed the messengers with a number of to deposit them as offerings. The clawrought ewers, vases, and chargers; mour on this occasion was very great ; at the same time comunistioning two or

and at last one of the officers, methought, shree of the inferior oficiais of the Tem- feized me, as a party concerned; when ple to attend the celebration of the feast, endeavouring to clear myself, and and to take care that the plate was duly struggling to get out of his clutches, I returned, and safely lodged again in the awoke. Temple.








THIS B en unere conspicuesa in att
*HERE is no race of people that poring over an horn-book, she amused

herself with spreading fantastical lyes, most every relation of life, than the il. taught her, by hier mamma, and which kuftrious family of Nonsense. In every bave in later ages been familiarly known age of the world they have one forth to us under the names of Sham, Ban. with uncommon luttre, and have made ter, and Humbug. When the grew a wonderful progress in all the Arts up, the voceived the addresses, and and Sciences. They have at different foon became the wife, of Impurience. Laions delivered speeches from the Who he was, or of what profetlion, sinone, karangueil at the bar, debated is uncertain : some say he was the tri parliament, ard gove amazing lengths fon of Ignorance by another venter, in piciophical enquiries and metaphy. and wis fuffered to become the hur Bici diquisitions. In a word, the whole banil of Nunfente in those dark agos bittory of the world, moral and politi- of the world, as the Prolemies of Cytot cal, is but a Cyclopædia of Nonsense. married their own filters. Some records For wich reason, confidering the dig. that he was in the army; others, that he nity and importance of the family, and was an interpreter of the laws; and the infinite Service it has been of to me others, a divine. However this was, and many of my cotemporaries, I have Nonsense and Impudence were soon inJesolved is

, o!lige the public with a kind feparably united to each other, and heof abir:ct of the hiitory of Nonsense. came the founders of a inore numerous

Nonfenfe was the daughter of Igno. family than any yet preferred on any rance, begot on Falsehood, many ages tree of defcent whatioever; of which inago, in a dark cavern in Boetia. As genious device they were laid to have the grew up, she inherited all the qua- been the first inventors. lities of her parents : Me discovered too It is my chief intent at present to rewam a genius to require being sent to cord the great exploits of that branch of school; but while other dull brats were the family, who have made themelues


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remarkable in England; though they courtly andience, by telling them that hegan to signalize themselves very early, matrimony was become a matter of mo. and are fill very flourishing in most ney, with many other right reverend parts of the world. Many of them jeits recorded in Joe Miller. Several were · Egyptian Priests four thousand brothers of this family were likewise years ago, and told the people that it bred to the bar, and very gravely hawas religion to worfhip dogs, monkeys, rangued again't old women sucked hy and green leeks: and their descendants devils in the hape of ra cats, &c. As prevailed on the Greeks and Romans an instance of the profound wisiloin and to build temples in honour of supposed fagacity of the legiikature in those days, deities, who were, in their own estima. I need only mention that just and truly tion of them, whores and whore-mongers, pious act of parliament made againit pick-pockets and drunkards. Others rose the crying fin of witchcraft. 1. Jac. I. up loine ages after in Turkey, and per- chap. 12. Such as fall ure invocasuaded the people to embrace the doc- ' tion or conjuration of any evil spirit, trine of bloodthed and of the sword, in Thall confult, covenant with, enterthe name of the mos merciful God: and • tain, employ, fee or reward any evil others have manifested their lineal de. {pirit to any intent, or take up any kent from Nonsense and Impudence, • dead person or part thereof, to be used! by affirming that there is no God at all. ' in witchcraft, or have uled any of the There were also among thein many ' said arts, whereby any perion (hall be fhrewd philosophers; some of whom, • killed, consumed, or lamed in his or though they were racked with a fit of her boly, they, together with their the itone, or laid up with a gouty toe, • acceflories before the fact, mall suffer declared that they felt not the least de- as felons, without benefit of clergy.' gree of pain; and others would not trust In the trohlelome times of King their own eyes, but when they saw an Charles the First, Nonsense and her fahorse or a dog, could not tell whether it mily fided with the Parlia:nent. There was not a chair or a table, and even set up new fects in religion: some of made a doubt of their own existence. them cropt their hair Nort, and called

We have no certain account of the themselves the Enlightened; some fell progress of Nonsense here in England, into trances, and pretended to see holy till after the Reformation. All we hear visions; while others got into tubs, and of her and her progeny before that pe- held forth with many whinings, and riod of time is, that they led a lazy life groans, and snufting through the nole. among the monks in cloysters and con- In the merry days of King Charles the vents, dreaming over old legends of Second, Nonsente allumed a more gay faints, drawing up breviaries and mass- and libertine air ; and her progeny, from books, and itringing together some bar. fanatics, became downright infidels. barous Latin veiles in rhyine. In the Several courtiers of the family wiote days of Queen Elizabeth, so little en- lewd plays, as well as lulcious lovecouragement was given to her family, fongs, and other loote verses, which were that it seemed to have been alınoit ex- collected together, and greedily bought tinct : but in the succeedling reign it up in miscellanies. In the succeerling flourished again, and filled the most con- reign, fome of the kindred, who had leo fiderable offices in the nation. Non- ceived their education at St. Oiner's, fenie became a great favourite ac court, thought themselves on the point of ettawhere she was highly carefled on account blishing Nonsense in church and state, of her wit, which consisted in puns and and were preparing to make bonfires quibbles, and the bonny monarch hiin- on the occasion in Smithfield, when they felt was thought to take a more than were obliged to leave the kingdom. ordinary delight in her conversation. Since the Rivolution, the field of Po. At this time many of her progeny took litics has afforded large scope for Nonorders, and got themselves preferred to senle and her family:o make themsives the beft livings, by turning the Evan- remaskable. Hence arose the various gelists into punsters, and making St. fects in party, distinguished by the names Paul quibble from the pulpit. Among of Whig and Tory, Ministerial and Ja. the rett, there was a bishop, a favourite cobite, Sunderlan.jians, Oxfordians, Son of Nonense, of whom it is particu- Godolphinians, Bulingbrokians, Wala larly recorded, that he used to tickl: his polians, Peihamians, &c. &c. &c. names


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